


Where I Belong

by prescribedpills



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:02:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 75,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2307311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prescribedpills/pseuds/prescribedpills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is the glitter really gone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forever's Been A Long Time

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter!! I've been wanting to do something like this for a while now, so here it is! Thank you guys for checking it out; we've got a long journey ahead of us!

         Ryan was sitting at the dark brown table inside of the cafe, scanning through his mental list of things he needed to do that day. He found himself staring at one of the waitresses. She eyed him with a bit of curiosity and started walking over, making Ryan quickly look down at his hands which were busy occupying the cup of coffee he was holding.

        "You okay, Ryan?" The lady asked.

        "Yeah, just thinking," He looked up and gave her a smile.

        She nodded, grinning at him back. "Alright, just let me know if you need anything, 'kay?"

        "Sure sure. Thanks Marina."

        "Anytime, love," she winked at him as she turned around, heading back to her other customers.

        Ryan slugged back in his seat, fidgeting with the cup in his hands. He raised the cup to his lips, sipping away slowly while thinking about the list again.  _I've gotta go get groceries. That's number one on my_   _list_ ,  he marked down on his mental check list, d _on't know what I need though. Whatever, I'll figure that out later. I'm almost done with my next song... I'll head down to the studio again, too. Oh, that reminds me, I'm meeting Dan and Jeremy later tonight. That'll be interesting. I'll have to get moving soon if I'm gonna put more effort into the song._

        "Can't rush it," He said out loud.

        "Rush what?" A man said.

        He looked up at the man with the very familiar voice. Ryan spat out his coffee, choking on it a bit. "Pete?!"

        "The one and only," He smiled, "this seat taken?"

        Ryan thought for a second then replied, "Uh, not really. I guess-"

        "Great!" Pete exclaimed, flopping down into the chair in front of him, "I was gonna take it anyways. Good thing nobody  _was_  sitting here, I would've felt bad making them get another chair."

        Ryan played with the rims of the sleeves of his sweater. "So," He started, "what are you doing here?"

        "Today's our day off, so I decided to go on an adventure," Pete waved for Marina to come over.

        "Ah, touring," Ryan took a sip of his coffee, "how's that been going for you?"

        "Amazing! You wouldn't believe half the things we've seen if I told you!"

        "Probably not."

        "Hey, what can I getcha?" Marina asked with a smile.

        "A pepperoni pizza slice and coffee, please," Pete said.

        "That all?"

        "Yes, thanks," He looked back at Ryan, Marina nodding and walking away with his order.

        "I'm not paying for that," Ryan told him.

        "Awe, too bad I didn't bring my money," Pete grinned, pulling out a twenty and tucking it away in the collar of his shirt.

        "Oh?" Ryan chuckled lightly, "Then what's that?"

        "This?" He pointed to the twenty, "This is my napkin. Wouldn't wanna get my shirt dirty, would I?"

        Ryan rolled his eyes, "Never."

        "Anyways, how's life been? I haven't talked to you in so long! It's been years, man!"

        He took another sip of his coffee before putting it down, crossing his arms, "Good, it's been good. I've been working on new music, nothing major. I see you guys are back, though. How's that been?"

        "Awesome! It's great being back, I've missed it. We had our first little comeback tour earlier this year. That was pretty rad. Now we're on our other comeback tour, but this time it's bigger, y'know?"

        "That's nice. Who're you guys touring with?" Ryan asked, trying to show interest in what Pete had to say.

        "Opening? Twenty One Pilots. They're cool guys."

        "That's cool. So it's just you two? That's a pretty small group of people for a comeback tour, don't you think?"

        "Oh, not even close. We're touring with them and another band," Pete told him. He smirked and leaned in, "Guess who?"

        Ryan sighed heavily, "Who?"

        "Not telling until you guess," Pete leaned back in his seat.

        He groaned, shrugging as he answered, "I don't know, Paramore?"

        "Nope. Not a bad idea, though. I'll keep that in mind for our next tour, thanks."

        He looked at Pete, waiting for an answer. After getting no further response and just stares, he sighed.

        "What?" Pete asked.

        "Aren't you going to tell me?"

        "Nope," He smiled, "You have to guess."

        "But I  _did_ ," Ryan huffed, pouting a bit.

        "But not correctly."

        "You never said-"

        "Buh buh buh. Less complaining, more guessing."

        "Fine, Cobra?"

        "Nuh uh."

        "I give up, just tell me," Ryan sighed, taking a sip of his coffee again.

        "Not yet-"

        "Here you go," Marina placed a plate with pizza down in front of Pete, along with his coffee, "One slice of pepperoni pizza and a coffee. Anything else?"

        "We're good, thanks," Pete smiled.

        "No problem," She gave them a small smile before turning to her other customers.

        Ryan watched as Pete beamed at the pizza in front of him. "Really?"

        "What?" He looked up, still grinning.

        "The pizza?"

        "What about it?"

        "You make it look like it's the only thing in the world," Ryan chuckled, "I mean, I love it just as much as the next person, but it's just pizza-"

        " _Just pizza_?!" Pete exclaimed with his mouth full of his slice, his eyes wide, "Are you being serious? It's not, " _Just pizza_ ," man, it's  _life_."

        "Yeah yeah, whatever. Can you just tell me?"

        Pete swallowed his pizza. "Sure sure, just one more guess and I'll tell you," he noticed that Ryan's eyebrow was raised and added, "I promise."

        "Uh," Ryan sipped his coffee, "I would've said My Chemical Romance, but you know. What about Blink?"

        "Dude, you're horrible at guessing. Do you  _really_  want to know?"

        "What have I been doing this whole time?" He sighed, "Come on, Pete, I've been waiting long enough, now."

        "You'd probably want to finish your coffee, though."

        "Go on," Ryan told him, taking a big gulp to finish off his coffee.

        "Okay, so, we're on tour with Panic! At The Disco!"

        Ryan just stared.

        "It's pretty cool that I ran into you here, though. Originally I was supposed to go out with them to this other restaurant for lunch, but I decided to eat later."

        "But why with Panic!?" He asked, not even acknowledging what Pete had just said.

        "Why not Panic!? They're cool, you know," Pete shrugged.

        "Yeah, of course I know. I was with them before we even knew you," Ryan rolled his eyes.

        Pete sighed, finishing the last of his pizza. "Yeah yeah, I know. Hey, I have and idea!" He exclaimed, "Why don't you come to the show tomorrow night? I'm sure the guys would love to see you again!"

        "I don't know," He shrugged, "it's been a long time.."

        "Exactly! Come on! It'll be fun! We'll hang out for a bit afterwards or something, too."

        Ryan sighed, "Maybe. If I'm not busy tomorrow night I'll come."

        "You promise?!" Pete beamed.

        "I, uh, I guess. Like I said, if I'm not busy-"

        "Great! I'll see you tomorrow at 7!" Pete placed the twenty he still had in the collar of his shirt on the table and got up to Ryan's side, hugging him, "Bye!"

        Ryan awkwardly sat there while Pete gave him the quick hug, then watched him as he left. He waved for Marina to come over.

        "Hey, Ryan, where's your friend?" She asked.

        "Gone," He told her, "Can I get the bill, please?"

        "Already done," She smiled, pulling out the bill from the pocket of her shirt, "I just have to get the one for your friend, though."

        "No problem, I don't really need it, though. He said to keep his change."

        "Oh, really? Thanks!"

        "Don't mention it," He pulled out a five and gave both Pete's twenty and his money to her, getting up from his seat and walking towards the door, "Bye Marina."

        "Have a good one!"

        "Same to you," He called back, pushing the door open.  _So_ , he thought,  _do I really want to go tomorrow night? I could just make something up if Pete asks._  He shrugged, walking towards his car.  _I've got a while._  He turned on his car and turned up the music, which the radio was currently playing Yellow Submarine by The Beatles, driving away to what the rest of his day awaited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the first chapter to my new story so bear with me here because it's really stupid. It'll get better, I promise. Or hopefully it will haha. The ending didn't really end the way I wanted it to end so I may go back and change it some other time. Chapter 2 up next Sunday!!


	2. When The Day Met The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seeing Pete again for the first time in years, Pete invites Ryan to their show the next night. Should Ryan just have declined the offer?

         Ryan pulled into the parking lot of the venue and parked.  _I don't know, should I even be here? Maybe this isn't the best idea. I should_   _go_ , he thought. But he didn't. No matter how much he wanted to just go, he found himself just sitting there. Giving up, he let out a sigh and opened the car door.  _You'll be fine_ , he walked up the steps,  _It'll be fine. You'll have fun_. He pulled out his special pass Pete emailed him the night before and showed it to the security guards at the gate. One of them took it, looking it over and nodding to the other guard. They patted him down and opened the gates, stepping to the side. But he just stood there.

         "Uh, sir? Are you okay?" The first guard asked.

         He still stood there, looking through the gates.

         "Sir?"

         "Suck it up, Ryan," he told himself, thanking the security guards and walking through.

         Ryan walked down the path of the theatre, taking twists and turns, getting lost along the way. He checked the time on his phone, a little anxious.  **8:20** , it read. He looked around for somebody to point him to where Fall Out Boy would be hanging out. **  
**

"Excuse me?" He ran up to one of the crew members, "Hi, uh, I'm looking for Fall Out Boy?"

         "Yeah, so is everybody else in this theatre," The guy said, trying to pass Ryan but failing.

         "No, seriously, I was supposed to meet Pete, like, thirty minutes ago. Hold on," He pulled out the pass, "here."

         The guy just looked at him and then the pass. He pouted then looked back up at Ryan, "Fine. I'm on a tight schedule so you can't fall behind, got that?"

         Ryan nodded, quickly following behind him. His phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket. He quickly unlocked it and looked for where the notification came from. "Pete," he whispered. Catching up to the guy, he read the text.

 

> _**Dude where are you??** _

> _Hold on, I'm almost there_

 

         Just as he was about to put his phone back in his pocket, he felt it vibrate again.

 

> _**Hurry upppppppp** _

> _I'm getting there as fast as I can_

 

         He thought of just leaving it at that, but then decided to add,

 

> _They don't exactly have signs pointing to where you guys are you know_

> _**DUDE YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE HERE I WOULD'VE COME TO GET YOU** _

 

         Ryan rolled his eyes, locking his phone and putting it back in his pocket.

         "Are we almost there yet?" He asked.

         "Close," The man said.

         Ryan's phone buzzed again. And again. And again. Finally, his ringtone went off. He sighed and picked it up.

         "What's up?" He asked.

         "WHERE ARE YOU?!" Pete shouted into the phone.

         Ryan flinched, pulling the phone away a bit. "I'm not sure, but close."

         "How close?" He asked impatiently.

         "Super close," Ryan sighed, "You're like a child, you know that?"

         "Just hurry upppppppppp," Pete pouted.

         "Yeah yeah, I'll be there in like a minute. Promise."

         "Fine. See you!" He said happily.

         He hung up and slipped his phone back in his pocket. He followed the man around a corner and stopped at a door a few steps later.

         "Here we are," He said before knocking on the door.

         "Great. Thank you."

         The man nodded as the door swung open.

         "RYAN!" Pete shrieked and pulled him in.

         "Uh, hey Pete," Ryan mumbled, tripping as Pete shut the door quickly behind him.

         Pete spun around to face him and pouted, "You just missed Panic!. They  _just_ went onstage."

         "It's, uh, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

         "Dude, are you being serious? They're not gonna bite you," Pete chuckled.

         "Well, maybe Brendon," Joe elbowed Ryan, "it's been a while, man!"

         "Oh, hey Joe. How's it going?" He rubbed his arm.

         "Great, thanks!"

         "Ryan?" A voice said.

         Ryan, clearly recognizing who it was, spun around with a smile to face a surprised Patrick.

         "In the flesh," He bowed.

         Pete pushed Ryan and Joe to the small couches in the dressing room and plopped down in between them both. The door to what looked like a bathroom then opened, out walking Andy who joined them on the couch.

         "How's it goin', Andy?" Ryan smiled.

         "Hey Ryan. Fine, thanks. It's been a while," He said as he sat down.

         "So, Ryan, what have you been doing this whole time?" Patrick asked him.

         "Not much, really. I've just been working on a little bit of new music. Nothing good enough, yet, but it's getting there."

         "Hey, that's better than nothing, right?" Joe shrugged.

         "Yeah, I guess so."

         The room went silent for a minute, everyone thinking of what to say. Finally, Pete spoke up.

         "We're not going on for about an hour or so. You wanna go watch Panic! do their thing?"

         "Nah, it's fine," Ryan fidgeted with his hands, not making eye contact with anybody.

         "Actually, yeah, that'd be cool! C'mon, Ryan," Joe leaned back behind Pete to smack Ryan lightly on the shoulder, "lighten up a bit!"

         "I, uh, well, n-no, it's fine, really-"

         "Then it's settled," Pete clearly made his decision, "Let's go watch Panic!'s set!"

         "Please, no-"

         "Shh," Pete pulled Ryan off the couch, "You don't have a choice. We're going whether you like it or not."

         Joe, Andy, and Patrick all got up to follow Pete, who was struggling to pull Ryan along with them. When they got to the side of the stage, Pete stopped and sat on the ground, finally letting go of Ryan. Panic! was already playing their third song when Ryan decided to make up an excuse to leave for a bit.

         "Nope," Pete shouted over the music, "I know what you're trying to do, Mr. Ross. I'm not buying it."

         "Fine, then I'll just leave all together," He spun around.

         " _No!_ " Pete clinged onto Ryan's leg before he could leave, "Please don't! You  _just_ got here!"

         "I don't exactly feel comfortable right now, Pete."

         "What difference does it make if you're just going to be hanging around them later? I mean, at least they don't even notice you're here right now!"

         "Pete, drop it," Patrick placed his hand on Pete's shoulder. He looked over at Ryan and continued, "Hey, if you want we can go for a walk or something. I don't really mind."

         "Yeah, sure, thanks."

         "Don't mention it," Patrick walked towards Ryan, turning his head over his shoulder to give Pete a look.

* * *

          "Oh my God, Pete's a dork," Ryan laughed as they made their way back to the dressing room.

         "I know!" Patrick laughed with him. "His jokes are lame, but he's cool so that makes up for it," He teased.

         "Hey, thanks again for walking with me. It means a lot," He said as the laughing died down a bit.

         "No problem," Patrick smiled, "I kind of needed it."

         "Yeah, same," Ryan sighed, "So, uh, you guys are going on now?"

         "Soon. Just have to get everything set up, otherwise pretty much."

         "Oh," He looked down.

         Patrick noticed and put his hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, they haven't changed much. You'll be fine."

         Looking up, Ryan gave Patrick a small smile, "I don't know, it's been so long."

         "You got along with us just fine, didn't you?" Ryan was just about to object, but Patrick realized what he going to say and added, "Well, maybe not with Pete, but with the rest of us."

         "Yeah, whatever. I'll probably just stick around to catch your set then leave."

         "Dude, no, just stick around a little while afterwards. I'm sure Spencer and Brendon will be ecstatic to see you again!"

         "Maybe."

         Patrick just shrugged. "But, I mean, you're more than welcome to watch our set, though. Just talk to them tonight. That's all I ask."

         Ryan put his hands in his pockets and let out a big huff. "Fine. I'll stay a little bit longer after the show to talk, but  _just_ a little bit."

         "Thanks," Patrick smiled, "So, you coming or staying?"

         "I think I'll come, thanks."

* * *

          "How were we?!" Pete asked after the show, "I think we did  _amazing_ tonight!"

         "Yeah, you guys were sick," Ryan laughed.

         "Perfect! That's what we were aiming for," Pete beamed.

         They made their way back to the dressing room, a little tired and quite elated. Pete opened the door and skipped into the dressing room, Joe and Andy following behind him.

         "They're in the room beside us. You'll be fine," Patrick reminded Ryan before walking in.

         "I sure hope so," Ryan huffed.

         He waited outside of the room for a minute to compose his thoughts. He took a big breath and tried to turn into Fall Out Boy's dressing room, but instead bumped into somebody- literally.

         "Sorry, I didn't-" Ryan looked up and hitched a breath, " _Oh my God_."

         "Ryan?" Brendon asked, confused and a little annoyed. He turned around to face the other guys and pointed his thumb back at Ryan. "What's  _he_ doing here?" He snarled.

         "I ran into him yesterday when I went out for lunch and invited him," Pete shrugged nonchalantly.

         " _Why_ would you do that?"

         Ryan just blanked out from the conversation and looked for Patrick over Brendon's shoulder, but finding only Andy and Pete in his view.

         " _Shit_ ," He whispered, panicking quite a bit.

         Ryan turned to go to the room next door, figuring that since Brendon was in Fall Out Boy's room, Spencer and the new guys would be, too. He quickly opened the door and walked in, turning around and shutting the door. He leaned against it and closed his eyes.

         "Yeah, no more hanging out after shows for me, thanks," He said to himself, opening his eyes only to see an extremely surprised Spencer sprawling out on the couch and two confused men-which he guessed were the new members of the band- sitting on the couch next to him. Ryan rubbed his face and sat on the floor against the door.

         "Ryan?!" Spencer asked, quickly getting up and rushing over to his side, "Dude, what are you doing here? It's been so damn long, man!"

         He looked up from his hands and forced a tiny smile, "Hey, Spence."

         Spencer quickly pulled him into a hug, grinning. "I just- Wow. I can't believe it."

         "Yeah, you have no idea," He hugged him back, feeling a little better seeing that Spencer didn't act the way Brendon did.

         One of the other men cleared his throat, making Ryan look up and Spencer pull away.

         "Sorry to interrupt, but are you okay?" The man asked Ryan, "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

         "Oh, I, uh," He looked at Spencer, hoping that he had something to say.

         He quickly noticed Ryan's hint and looked over at the others. "Yeah, he's fine. We haven't seen each other in so many years that we're quite surprised... One more surprised than the other."

         "Oh, I see," The guy responded.

         "Well, uh, Ryan, this is Dallon, our bassist," Spencer gestured to the man that asked how he was, then gestured to the other man, "And this is Kenneth. He plays the guitar for us on tour."

         "Hey," They both smiled.

         "Hi," Ryan said, feeling a bit better knowing that they didn't mind him.

         "We'll be right back," Spencer said to Dallon and Kenneth, standing and pulling Ryan up with him.

         They both nodded as Spencer and Ryan walked out into the hall.

         "Can we walk down more, please?" Ryan asked, eyeing Fall Out Boy's door.

         "Sure thing," They walked away from the dressing rooms, "It's Brendon, isn't it?"

         "W-what?"

         "Something happened with Brendon just a moment ago. That's the reason why you look like crap right now," Spencer stated.

         "Well, uh, y-yeah. But I was overreacting quite a bit."

         "Just ignore him. He still gets a little butthurt about the split up thing sometimes."

         "Really?" Ryan asked, surprised a bit.

         "Yeah, seriously, don't worry about it. Trust me," He smiled.

         "Oh. Okay, yeah, thanks Spence."

         "Yeah yeah. Oh, and Dallon and Kenny are super nice, so don't worry about them either."

         "I kinda got the feeling that they were," Ryan smiled a bit.

         Spencer nodded and looked at Ryan with a thoughtful look.

         "What?"

         "Oh, nothing. Just wondering why you're here. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you are, I'm just a bit surprised."

         "Pete."

         "Sorry?" Spencer asked, puzzled.

         "Pete saw me at this cafe when he was out to lunch yesterday and invited me to come."

         "And what, you just said yes like that?"

         "Actually, no. I forced myself to come even though I didn't want to."

         "Thanks," Spencer stuck his tongue out at him.

         Ryan laughed and pushed his arm lightly, "You know what I mean."

         Spencer rolled his eyes and laughed. "Whatever. Hey, but seriously though, you feeling fine?"

         "I told you, I just overreacted," Ryan shrugged.

         "Good, because we were all just about to head over to Fall Out Boy's room."

         "Oh, I-"

         "Hush, you'll stay with me," Spencer swung his arm around Ryan's shoulder as the door opened, out walking Dallon and Kenneth. "And there's our cue," he guided Ryan to the other room, following right behind Dallon and Kenny.

         As they stepped through the door, Ryan heard Pete say something quietly to Brendon.

         " _Go easy on him, man,_ " Pete scolded Brendon.

         " _Why should I?_ " Brendon started, quickly being hushed by Pete who noticed Ryan's entrance.

         "Hey Ryan," Patrick smiled.

         "Hey," He gave a small smile in return.

         Spencer led him to a spot on the floor beside Patrick and Joe, sitting down.

         "So," Pete grinned, "I see you've found Spencer."

         "Nah, I haven't. I don't even know who this guy is," He teased, pointing his thumb at Spencer.

         "Yeah, but you know you love me," He joked along.

         "Totally," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "What about-" Pete started, but got cut off by Spencer.

         "Yeah, he's already met Dallon and Kenny."

         "I like 'em," Ryan smiled over at them.

         "I, too, am quite fond of you," Dallon laughed.

         "Here here," Kenneth grinned.

         There was a short silence, obvious tension in the room. Ryan looked over at Brendon who refused to look anywhere near him, making him frown a bit.

         "So, uh, Ryan," Spencer broke the silence, "Have you talked to Jon lately?"

         "Oh, uh, nah. I haven't talked to him in a while. I have to call him or something soon, though. You know, catch up on life and whatever."

         "Yeah, like you've totally done that for _us_ ," Brendon muttered.

         Ryan looked up to notice Brendon scowling and then looking away, quickly being elbowed in the ribs by Pete.

         " _Ow!_ " Brendon looked over to him.

         "What did I say?" Pete whispered to him.

         "It's fine," Ryan looked down.

         They all looked over at him, a little bit confused.

         "You're not being serious, are you?" Pete asked him.

         "I'm being 100% serious. It's fine, really, I get it."

         "Ryan, no, that's not okay-"

         "No, I mean it, it's not a big deal. Seriously. It's honestly nothing. He's just saying the truth."

         "Maybe he is saying the truth, but then again it would be his fault, too. Brendon could've just picked up the phone to say hi or something," Pete tried arguing back.

         "Yeah, but seriously, Pete, it's not something to argue over."

         "He's right," Andy agreed with Ryan, "It wasn't a big deal at all."

         The room went silent again. Ryan looked down and thought to himself,  _What am I even doing here? I don't belong._ He shook his head and sighed. Brendon got up and walked out the door to go back to his own room. Ryan looked around at everybody else who seemed to be thinking of their own things.

         "Well, this is awkward," Kenneth mumbled.

         "Yeah. Uh, hey, I think I'm going to go," Ryan spoke softly, getting up from the ground, "It was nice seeing you all again. Good meeting you two."

         "Yeah, you too," Kenny told him, Dallon adding a small smile.

         "Keep in touch, will ya?" Joe asked him.

         "Sure sure," Ryan waved over his shoulder as he made his way to the door.

         "Take care, Ryan," Patrick told him.

         "Only if you guys do, too," He smiled.

         "Of course," Spencer smiled.

         Ryan walked out and shut the door behind him. He turned to walk down the hall, but instead almost ran into Brendon for the second time that night.

         "Hey, look, I'm sorry for ruining your night. I'm leaving-" Ryan told him.

         "Yeah, leave. Seriously. Don't come back," Brendon looked him straight in the eyes, then walked past him, shoving his shoulder against Ryan's.

         Ryan just stood there, watching Brendon leave in the opposite direction. He shook his head and tried to find his way out of the venue. He got back to his car and got in, driving back home.

 

         Ryan sat on his bed with his guitar, strumming the strings absentmindedly. He looked at the wall across from him and thought about what happened that night.  _Why did I even bother going tonight? That was a terrible idea._  Ryan continued staring at the wall, remembering further thoughts of that night.  _I'd hate me, too, if I were Brendon, but does he really hate me_ that  _much?_  He sighed and put the guitar back on it's stand and shut off the lights, climbing into bed. He tried falling asleep. He waited 15 minutes, which turned into 27 minutes, which turned into 40 minutes, which turned into an hour and a half, but the one thing that stuck in his head wouldn't let him go to sleep, like it wants him to relive that moment over and over and over again.  _Yeah, leave. Seriously. Don't come back._ _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another stupidly written chapter. Oops. I'd like feedback so feel free to comment! Also, I've changed a bit of Chapter 1 if you wanna go check it out again. Thanks! Chapter 3 next Sunday!!


	3. Still Into You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's one of those days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay okay this chapter literally /sucks/ so bear with me here. I was quite busy this weekend and I just finished this at like 2 AM since I really wanted to get something up. Thanks. On a further note, heads up guys, I'm doing both Ryan's AND Brendon's points of view in this chapter. If you don't like that kind of stuff, have no fear, I only decided to try it out. I found that it wasn't really something that I liked doing, so it's not actually gonna happen anymore. Thanks guys!

***Brendon***

         Brendon stormed down the hall, not even bothering to look back at Ryan. He didn't ever expect  _Ryan_  to come. All of his thoughts were jumbled up, currently trying to focus on the main task of getting out of the venue and figuring out who he should be mad at. After countless twists and turns and rejecting escorts, Brendon finally found his way out to the front of the venue. He continued down the steps, his thoughts clearing up just a bit.

         "Fuck Ryan Ross," He spoke out loud.

         "Yeah, fuck Ryan Ross," A girl beside him giggled to her friend.

         He remembered where he was and tried to cover his face, not wanting to be mobbed and snapping at fans by accident.

         "Hey, you sound an awful lot like Brendon Urie," The girl told him.

         Brendon stayed silent, not sure what he would say if he did decide to open up his mouth.

         The girl looked over at him and thought for a second, "Nah, probably just my hearing. Brendon's a lot hotter; no offence, of course. Anyways, later!"

         The girl and her friend walked away, giggling over Pete and Dallon. Brendon sighed and sat down on the last step. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing out here, but he did know that he wanted to be far away from anybody, let alone Ryan.

         "Hey, what the fuck was all that for?!" Pete smacked him on the back of his head, sitting down next to him.

         "I don't know, why don't  _you_  tell me? Why did you invite Ryan?!" He shouted, rubbing the back of his head.

         "Oh , well, I don't know, it's not like we haven't  _seen_  the guy in  _four years_. Come on, Brendon, tonight was supposed to be a fun night! I even  _told_  you somebody was coming."

         "Whatever. I don't care anymore."

         "Obviously not," Pete let out a sigh and ran a hand through his messed up hair, trying to fix it, "You're probably not going to be seeing him for a  _long_  time, either. We're on tour still, y'know. Get used to it, Brendon, because the rest of us seem to love him."

         Brendon stayed silent, not knowing what to say to that. He looked up into the sky and focused his attention on the stars.

         Pete stood put from the steps and turned around to make his way back to the bus. "Anyways, I came to get you because we're leaving now."

         "Really? Why so soon?" He continued looking at the stars.

         "Because of that little incidence," He walked up to the top of the steps and looked back, "So.. Are you going to stay here or come with us?"

         Brendon huffed, looking back at Pete, "Yeah, I'll be there in a few."

         "Sure. We're giving you ten minutes. I'll tell the guards you're still out here."

         He looked back up at the sky and listened to the sound of Pete walking away. It wasn't like it was a mystery to him why he acted like that. The truth is, he knew  _exactly_ why he acted the way he did tonight, he just didn't want to admit it; not to Pete, not to Ryan, not to _anybody-_ not even to himself. He was scared he would get too close again, he thought that maybe, just  _maybe_ , Ryan would come back. He didn't want that to happen. None of it. He was happy with the way everything was right then. He had a wife, lots of friends, a bigger fanbase, new music, and the best part to it was that Ryan was gone. But now he's back. Yeah, he still has his wife, his friends, his fanbase, and is still making music, but none of it meant anything since Ryan came back into the perfect life he had created without him. And that's why he hated him. He knew Pete was right, he still cared. That's what hurt him the most. Brendon looked into the parking lot, watching everybody being happy to be with their friends or family, walking back to their own cars after having fun at their concert. He then noticed what appeared to be Ryan standing by his car, looking down at something. Brendon's rage then flooded back, angry at how Ryan just waltzed back into Brendon's perfect life after he tried so hard to avoid him. He got up and marched up the steps and made his way back inside the venue towards the tour bus. As soon as he got in, he lay down on his bunk and closed his eyes, letting everything from that night disappear.

 

***Ryan***

         Ryan's cell phone rang, waking him up. He rolled over in his bed and reached for it, looking at the time. **9:40** it read. He sighed and and answered the phone, not even bothering to look at who was calling him.

         "Hello?" Ryan said groggily.

         "Ryan, did something happen between you and Brendon last night when you left?"

         He rubbed his eye with his free hand and yawned, "What do you mean? Why? And sorry, who is this?"

         "It's Patrick, but that's not important right now. Brendon's been acting really bitchy this morning and he refuses to get ready, let alone leave his bunk for more than five minutes."

         "Oh," He sighed into the phone.

         "''Oh?'' That's all you have to say? Ryan, what happened?"

         "I-I don't know, I swear. All I did was bump into him last night while I turned out of your room and told him I was leaving."

         "That's all?"

         "Well, no, he kind of-" Ryan stopped, the memories of last night flowing back into his memory. "Oh," he breathed out quietly.

         "Ryan? What did he do?"

         He shook his head, pushing the thoughts aside and continued from where he left off, "He just kind of stormed off in the opposite direction. Not really anything major."

         "Is that it?" Patrick asked.

         He paused for a second, wondering if he should leave out the other details. "Yeah, that was it."

         "Oh. O-okay. Thanks Ryan. Sorry about waking you up."

         "You're welcome. And it's fine, don't worry about it."

         "Great. We'll talk to you later, then."

         "Yep."

         " _No, Pete, put down Andy's drumstick! I leave for five minutes and you guys can't even behave!_ " Patrick said away from the phone. "Sorry about that. Anyways, bye Ryan," He said before hanging up.

         Ryan laughed and locked his phone, putting it one the nightstand. He lay there for a minute, wondering if he should go back to sleep or start his day. He finally got out of his bed and got ready, walking into his kitchen once he was done. He turned on the coffee machine and got out the leftover pizza from the night before, warming it up in the microwave. Right when the coffee machine beeped, Ryan's phone rang once more. He sighed and walked over to it and picked it up.

         "What'd Pete do this time?" Ryan laughed into the phone.

         "I don't know, what  _did_ Pete do this time?" Gabe chuckled.

         "Oh, hey Gabe! Sorry, Patrick called, like, fifteen minutes ago and yelled at Pete so I thought you were him."

         "It's fine," He laughed, "Hey, so, you busy today? I thought we could do something. It's been a while, man."

         "Yeah, sure! No problem! I kind of need to clear my mind anyways. When and where?"

         "About 1-ish. I'll get you."

         "Sounds like a plan," He nodded even though Gabe had no way on seeing him over the phone.

         "Great! See ya soon, man!" Gabe hung up, leaving Ryan to do whatever he was doing.

         He walked back into the kitchen, this time taking his phone with him. He grabbed a mug and poured his coffee in, getting the pizza out of the microwave, starting off his day the way he liked it.

* * *

         The doorbell rang, making Ryan put his guitar down. He walked over to the door, grabbing his leather jacket along the way. He quickly put on his shoes and opened the door.

         "Hey Ryan!" Gabe exclaimed, giving him a quick hug.

         "Hi Gabe," He laughed, "Let's go, shall we?"

         He closed the door behind him and locked it, quickly following behind Gabe.

         "Dude, we really need to get you a new shirt," Gabe laughed, looking at what Ryan was wearing.

         "Why? What's so bad about it?" Ryan frowned.

         "'' _I Heart LA_ ,'' That's why," He poked at it.

         "Well  _I_ so happen to like it," Ryan laughed, waving Gabe's hand away.

         "Yeah yeah, whatever," He smiled, going into the elevator.

         "Anyways, what's on today's agenda Mr. Saporta?"

         "Everything."

         "Can't wait!!"

         Gabed laughed, "But for real though, I've got quite a few things planned."

         "Then there's no time to waste," Ryan smiled.

         They got out and walked through the lobby and out the doors, going to where Gabe's car sat.

         "D'you eat yet?" Gabe asked.

         "Nope."

         "Good because I haven't either. There's this new place that just opened up not too far from where our first destination is, that fine with you?"

         "Anything's fine by me," He told him as they got into the car.

         "Cool, let's do that then.

 

         Gabe parked the car and turned over to Ryan, putting on his impression of a tour guide. "Good afternoon, ladies and Ryan. Here to your right you will see our first stop: The music shop. Any questions?" Ryan put up his hand, making Gabe continue, "None? Good. Let's go!"

         Ryan laughed, hopping out of the car. "You'd be the world's best tour guide. Not taking any questions whatsoever," He laughed.

         "That's what Google's for," He winked.

         They both stepped into the store and looked around. Ryan and Gabe both spotted a certain area that caught their interest, so they headed over there first.

         "Dude, how sweet do you think this baby will be?" Gabe beamed as he hovered over one of the basses.

         "Yeah yeah, yours is  _nothing_ compared to mine," Ryan laughed, looking at one of the guitars.

         "Can I help you guys with anything?" One of the associates asked, "Oh, that's a good one. Wanna try it?"

         Ryan looked over and smiled, "Yeah, that'd be great, thanks!"

         The man walked over to the guitar Ryan was looking at and took it off of the wall, walking over to an amp. They both followed him to where he and the guitar were, handing it over to Ryan.

         "Go ahead," He said as he gave him a pick.

         Ryan took it and sat down, placing the guitar on his lap and his hand on it's neck. He strummed the strings a few times, getting the feel of it before breaking into Dead On Arrival by Fall Out Boy. Gabe decided to join in and sang with him, the two completely forgetting where they were. By the time they finished, they had a small little crowd around them and eyes all on them.

         "That was really good," The clerk told them.

         "Thanks! He's in a band," Ryan pointed towards Gabe.

         "And he was in a band a few years back," Gabe pointed down to Ryan.

         "Yeah, but that's not me now," He told him.

         "Just because you're going solo now doesn't mean that you weren't in bands before."

         "Yeah yeah, whatever," He turned back to the clerk, "Thank you."

         "No problem," He told Ryan as he handed the guitar and pick back to him.

         Ryan stood up from the seat, being surprised by a small group of claps from the people around him.

         "Your cover of Fall Out Boy was amazing!" A younger girl told them.

         "Why thank you," Gabe smiled at her, "You like 'em?"

         "Yeah, totally! I just met them last night, actually."

         "Hey, that's cool! So I take it you like Panic!, too?"

         "Yep! And I just so happen to know for a fact that he's Ryan Ross and you're Gabe Saporta," She smiled at them.

         Ryan laughed, "Never thought I'd hear that in a while. And you are?"

         "I'm Alice. Wow, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you guys," She smiled, tearing up a bit.

         "Hey, you alright?" Gabe chuckled, "We're not that cool, y'know."

         "You mean  _you're_ not that cool. I'm the coolest person ever, her shirt even says so," Ryan laughed, pointing towards it.

         Alice looked down at her shirt and blushed, "Oops."

         "Don't worry, I'd date me, too, but I'm not you," He winked.

         Alice blushed brightly, tearing up a bit more.

         "Nice going, Ryan, you made the poor girl cry," Gabe slapped him on the arm.

         She laughed and wiped away her tears. "Hey, can I have a picture or something?"

         "Yeah, totally!" Ryan told her.

         "Thanks! Hey, dad, can you take a picture of us, please?"

         Her dad agreed, quickly taking the pictures together. Alice thanked them once he took a few.

         "It was nice meeting you two!" She told them.

         "Same to you!" Gabe replied, Ryan nodding and smiling.

         Alice left with her dad, leaving Ryan and Gabe alone together once more.

         "So," Gabe started, "Ready for our next destination?"

         "Why not?"

         They both left the store, heading back to Gabe's car.

         "Anyways, have you talked to the guys lately? I mean, I see you've talked to Patrick, but anybody else?"

         Ryan watched as Gabe started the car, sighing a bit. "Yeah, I saw everybody last night. The two new guys in Panic! are nice, I like 'em."

         "Yeah, they're cool dudes. So how'd you get in last night? Patrick? Or tickets?"

         "Oh, no. Long story, but I ran into Pete the other day and he invited me to come."

         "Wait, I thought you hated Pete?"

         "Well, I mean, a bit. He's okay now, though. I still don't really like him, though."

         "Ah. How about Spencer and Brendon? You don't hate them, do you?"

         "No, of course not! If anything, Brendon hates me to wits end."

         "Still about the split up?"

         "From what Spencer said. But wait, I thought you talked to them?"

         "Yeah, but how  _I_ know them and how  _you_ know them are completely different," Gabe shrugged.

         "Oh."

         "Yeah. Anyways, just give him some time. It's been a while, you know."

         "Of course. I just have a feeling like he won't ever like me again," Ryan looked down at his hands.

         "You never know."

         "Say what you will, but it won't happen."

         Gabe looked over with a smirk, "Ten bucks it will."

         Ryan looked back up and over to Gabe, smiling, "Deal."

         He laughed looking back at the road. "Hey, let's make the bet a little more challenging. Deadline is a year from now. And no cheating. If you want my ten dollars, you're gonna have to earn it."

         "Sounds good to me. Just that you can't bribe Brendon either. Or anybody else for that matter."

         "There goes my ten dollars," Gabe laughed.

         "Might as well pay up now," Ryan shrugged.

         "Nah," He stuck out his tongue and continued on the road to their next stop.

* * *

         Ryan was lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling. 1:50 AM and he still couldn't sleep. His mind kept wandering back to what Brendon had said before.  _Yeah, leave. Seriously. Don't come back._ Why did his mind always go back to that one thought? No matter what else he thought of, his mind always somehow found a way back to that night, back to Brendon, back to the words he had said. He didn't want any of that to happen. He just wanted his old friend back. His  _best_ friend. He squeezed his eyes shut. Why was his mind doing this to him? Just then, his phone rang. He groaned, reaching over to the special spot on the nightstand where his phone sat and picked it up. He checked the called ID this time, surprised to see Spencer calling.

         "Hey, you alright?" Ryan asked into the phone.

         "Me? Yeah, I'm fine. If anybody's asking, it should be  _me_ asking  _you_ that," He told him, a little bit of worry in his voice.

         "Wait, what? Why?"

         "Gabe talked to Pete tonight. Pete told Patrick, who told Joe and Andy, who told Kenny," Spencer took a big breath before continuing, "Who told Dallon, who told me."

         Ryan was genuinely confused. "What do you mean? What'd he say?"

         "To make a long story short, Gabe said that you weren't really you at one point. You seemed really upset about Brendon. Is that true?"

         "Oh," Ryan paused for a moment, thinking of a way to avoid the question, "That sounded like a big game of Broken Telephone waiting to happen."

         "Ryan."

         "Fine. No, it's not true."

         "You're lying."

         "Liar."

         "Ryan, I swear, if you don't tell me the truth..."

         He heaved a heavy sigh. "I  _did_. But I swear, I'm fine now."

         "Are you sure? If not, I could go get Brendon now to fix things-"

         " _No!_ Please don't."

         "Oh, uh, o-okay. I won't then."

         "Thanks Spence."

         Spencer hummed, whispering something to somebody over the other end.

         "I'm not on speaker, am I?"

         He heard what sounded like a, " _Shh, Brendon, shut up for a minute_ ," from over the phone, but just decided it was his mind playing tricks on him.

         "Hmm? Oh, no, I was just talking to, uh, Dallon. He says hi."

         "Hey Dallon. Anyways, I'm gonna go now. 2 o'clock and all."

         "Oh yeah, shit, totally. Sorry, time differences."

         Ryan let out a tired laugh, closing his eyes. "No problem."

         "Night, Ryan." Spencer told him.

         "Night, Spence," Ryan hung up and placed his phone back down.

         He rolled over and away from his phone, looking at the wall.  _What a day_ , he thought. He closed his eyes, pushing all the thoughts about Brendon away from his mind. He knew he had to stop thinking about Brendon- and  _fast_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! Hopefully you guys were okay with that one weird POV or whatever you wanna call it. I promise that's the only time I'm gonna do it. Thanks so much for all the feedback you guys have been giving to me on here and on Twitter! It means quite a bit to me. Keep 'em coming, guys! Chapter 4 next Sunday!


	4. It's Almost Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of the wonderful holiday, Gabe decides to hold a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody!! As I'm writing this, today lies the first day of our own special month!! I'm writing it really early on in the week because this weekend I'm actually going out to get supplies for my Mona Lisa Brendon costume and I'm literally so excited about it that I /had/ to start early! Halloween's one of my favourite holidays so I thought, "Hey, why not make a special chapter for this special occasion?" So here we are! Hope you guys enjoy it! On another related note, I have decided that I am not going to switch to somebody else's point of view since I don't like doing that stuff and I don't really think it's as important as what Ryan thinks ((after all, it is his own story)). Thanks so much guys!!

         "RYAN!" Gabe shouted as Ryan picked up the phone.

         "Don't yell!" He laughed as he pulled it away from his ear, "What's up Gabey?"

         "I need your help. Okay, so..." He paused for a second, "I forgot what I was going to say."

         Ryan chucked and sat down, patiently waiting for Gabe to remember his train of thought.

         "Oh yeah! I remember now! Okay, so Halloween's coming up, riiiggghhhttt?" He said happily.

         "Yeah... And?"

         "Well, let's be honest here, three of the best holidays are Halloween and Christmas."

         "Gabe, that's only two," Ryan laughed.

         "Shut up. Anyways, in celebration of this wonderful event, I've decided... Wait for it- Drum roll please."

         He smiled and patted his coffee table with his free hand, mimicking the sound of a drum roll.

         "Thank you! I've decided to throw a party! A big one! Like, with everybody I can think of!"

         "Really? And when is this so called ''party'' happening?"

         "On Halloween, duh."

         "But that's, like, two days from now. How're you gonna get everything ready by then?"

         Gabe clicked his tongue over the phone, "That's where  _you_ come in."

         "Well, I'll talk to you later, Gabe," He teased.

         "Oh, yeah, I'll talk to ya in a few!"

         "You wouldn't."

         "Try me, Mr. Ross," Gabe laughed.

         He rolled his eyes, "Nah, I think I'm alright. Anyways, what can I help you with?"

         "Well, since you've asked," Gabe teased, "I need you to come get stuff with me and help me set up for the party. Are you available tomorrow all day? Otherwise we could go out tonight and I can clean up tomorrow so that we can get things ready during the day on Thursday."

         "Yeah, sure, no problem. Tomorrow it is then. I'll come by your place and we'll go."

         "Thanks Ryan! You're the best! Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go call people."

         "Yep, talk to ya later, Gabe," Ryan hung up and put his phone down in front of him. It was going to be a long few days.

* * *

         The doorbell rang and Gabe's eyes shot open, him bouncing out of his seat and fixing his hair a bit.

         "Your costume's pretty dusty, sorry about that. If you want, there's a lint roller in my closet. You know where it is, right?" Gabe asked Ryan as he walked towards the door, fixing his bow tie.

         "Up the stairs, three doors to the right. I've got it."

         "Good thing you know the place 'cause you would've had to wait a while until I could show you."

         Ryan laughed and walked up the stairs, going past the first, then second, then into the third door to his right.

         " _Hey Joe! Andy, Patrick, Pete! Good to see you guys!_ " He heard Gabe say from downstairs.

         He walked into Gabe's closet and looked around. He found shirts, pants, socks, ties, but no lint rollers. Not even tape. He decided to check Gabe's bathroom, too. The cupboards were filled with anything  _but_ the things he needed. He sighed and got up from the ground and checked the medicine cabinets. Still nothing. He decided to get most of the dust off of it manually, failing in the process. He gave up and walked out of the room, bumping into one of the guests.

         Brendon groaned, looking straight into Ryan's eyes, holding none other than the lint roller.

         "Why do I always have to run into  _you_?" He said, frustrated.

         "Sorry," Ryan muttered.

         He sighed, a little bit of annoyance in his tone, rolling his eyes and holding up the roller, "Now if you'll excuse me, Gabe found this downstairs and asked me to put it back. Do you mind?"

         "Oh, uh, not really, but, uh, do you mind if I borrow it? I was looking for it, actually."

         Brendon looked at Ryan's clothes. He almost thought he saw a little bit of amusement in Brendon's eyes, almost like they were friends. But just for a second, right before he became serious and glared at him. He handed Ryan the roller carelessly and turned around, walking back down the stairs.

         Ryan watched Brendon leave before looking down at the roller.

         "That sneaky little bitch," Ryan muttered under his breath towards Gabe.

         He walked back into the bathroom and began fixing his costume.

 

         Halfway through the party and hanging out with people he hadn't seen in quite some time, he decided to go find Gabe. He scanned the room and looked for a man with stupid hair that resembled Brendon's that was in a blue suit, hoping to find Gabe easily. Just then he felt somebody tap his shoulder.

         "Having fun?" Gabe smiled, throwing his arm around Ryan's shoulder.

         "With the exception of literally bumping into Brendon again at the beginning? Because yeah, actually."

         Gabe rolled his eyes. "Hey, you know William's here, right?" He smiled brightly.

         "Oh, no, I didn't actually," Ryan shouted over the music, "Where's he?"

         He motioned for Ryan to follow him, leading him to where their friend hung out.

         "Bilvy, Ryan's here! I mean, he's been here the longest, but still!" Gabe exclaimed when they found him.

         He turned around to meet Gabe and Ryan, smiling widely.

         "Ryan!" He cried, "It's so good to see you again! What have you been up to this whole time?"

         "Hey William! Yeah, you too! Nothing much, really. I've been working on a bit of music recently, but nothing major. I see you've release your new album. It's pretty good, man!"

         "Why thanks!" William bowed, "Can't wait for your new music, too be honest. It's been far too long, man. Like, what, two years or something?"

         "Yeah, pretty much. And hey, I'll send you a copy or something," He winked.

         "Hey now," Gabe laughed, "Only I get to wink at William."

         "Oh, yes, I'm so sorry about that, Gabey," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         William and Gabe laughed, saying goodbye to one another before heading off into opposite directions. Ryan walked towards the stairs and sat at the top step, watching everyone have a good time. He looked down at his hands and sighed. Why did Brendon have to hate him? All he wanted was to hang out with his old band all together without somebody storming away (which so happened to always be Brendon). Even Jon was there tonight. Ryan rested his head in his hands, closing his eyes.

         "Hey," Brendon said, sitting down next to Ryan and trying to avoid any sort of contact with him whatsoever.

         He looked up from his hands and gave him a tiny, fake smile. "Hi."

         Brendon looked off into the crowd below. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closed it.

         "Listen," Ryan began, looking him straight in the eyes, "I get it. You don't like me. As a matter of fact, you hate me. And I understand. I'd hate me." He paused for a second, thinking to himself,  _And I do, I do hate myself. But not in the way I would think I do_. He turned his head away, "You don't have to pretend to like me or anything if that's what you're trying to do."

         Brendon just stared at him, then looked down. He got up and walked back down the stairs, not even bothering to turn around. Ryan frowned. He didn't even know why he did. He  _knew_ it was going to happen. He  _knew_ Brendon still hated him to no end. He just had a tiny bit of hope that Brendon was starting to like him again. But he was wrong. He laughed to himself and got up, finding Jon.

         "Hey, Jon, you busy?" Ryan asked, tapping on his shoulder.

         "Oh, not really, why? What's up?"

         "I don't know, I just feel a little... Off, I guess. Do you mind if we go for a walk or something?"

         "Totally, I'll meet you out front in a minute, okay?"

         "Sure. I'll be waiting," Ryan smiled, walking towards the door.

         He got outside and leaned against the wall, waiting. After about five minutes, Jon walked out laughing.

         "Hey, let's go," Jon told him.

         Ryan nodded, walking down the steps.

         "So, where d'you wanna go?"

         "I don't really know, honestly," Ryan replied.

         "This way, then?" Jon pointed to the right of him, waiting for Ryan's O.K. before turning.

         "So, how's everything been?"

         "Pretty good. I'm working on music. Should be out by December, though. What about you?"

         "Oh, it's been okay, I guess," Ryan shrugged, "But same here. Just not sure when it's going to be ready."

         "At least you didn't just abandon everything, right?"

         "Yeah, that's true."

         They walked ahead for a few moments in silence, trying to figure out where to start on catching up.

         "Have you talked to Brendon?" Jon asked, finally deciding on a topic.

         "Oh, uh, yeah, sort of," He looked down.

         Jon looked at him for a second, confused a bit. He finally got what Ryan meant and let out a long, "Oh."

         Ryan looked at Jon, "It's not what it used to be. To be honest with you, I kind of miss it."

         "Yeah. It was fun being with you guys. But hey, we're all back now."

         "In a way, I guess. I mean, Spencer's really happy we are, but I'm not so sure about... You know."

         "Wait, really?" Jon stopped, "Because Brendon's been extremely happy that he saw me. Are you sure you're not just thinking things?"

         "Yeah. It's happened quite a few times, actually. But I guess it doesn't really matter. At least he doesn't hate you."

         "Ryan, I don't think he-"

         "He does, Jon. Trust me," Ryan sighed, walking now.

         Jon rolled his eyes and caught up to Ryan, not letting the subject go.

         "Just talk to him, man! It's not that hard!"

         "Easy for you to say," He told him, being bumped by a group of running kids.

         "Fine, I'll go talk to him."

         "No, don't."

         "Too bad. Sorry, but you're going to keep sulking about it if the problem isn't fixed."

         "It won't matter-"

         "Ryan, I've known you for a long time. I know how you act, and it will matter. I'm talking to him whether you like it or not."

         "But he won't like that you brought it up."

         "Well if that's the case, he'll have to suck it up just like you are."

         Ryan sighed, "There's no point in arguing with you, is there?"

         "Nope," Jon smiled a triumphant smile.

         "Remind me again why I like you," He teased.

         "I think the real question is why  _wouldn't_  you like me?" _  
_

"Whatever you say, Jon."

* * *

         "Hey, Ryan, there you are!" Spencer ran up to him, "Jon's been looking for you!"

         Ryan looked up and sighed, "Why?"

         "No reason. Just come, he needs help with something."

         "What's this, ''Something,'' you speak of?"

         "I don't know, all I know is that he asked me to find you because he needed help."

         "Fine," He got up and followed Spencer, guessing that it had something to do with Brendon.

         "Thanks Spence!" Jon exclaimed as they reached him.

         Ryan looked around the room, questioning the choice in it.

         "Why so quiet?" He asked them.

         "What? The room? Oh, no, I just needed a place where Spencer could find me easily," Jon looked over at Spencer and nodded his head to the side.

         Spencer nodded and walked out of the room. Jon waited for the door to close before he spoke again.

         "Is this about Brendon?" Ryan asked.

         "Nope. I don't have anything to tell you about Brendon. Anyways, we don't need to be here anymore. Care to follow me?"

         He nodded and followed Jon out the room and down the hall, clearing his throat.

         "What did you need help with, anyways?"

         "You'll see," Jon smiled even though Ryan couldn't see his face.

         They stopped in front of a door, Jon opening it. They stepped in and Ryan sighed loudly.

         "Really, Jon?" He asked, annoyed.

         "Totally. Now get along," He pushed Ryan towards the couch where Brendon sat.

         Brendon rolled his eyes, tense a bit. Ryan turned back around to try to leave, but found the door was blocked by both Jon and Spencer.

         "I hate you guys," He groaned as he turned back towards the couch.

         "Good," Spencer told him, "Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got a party to attend."

         They waited until Spencer and Jon walked out of the room before anybody spoke up.

         "We could just leave, you know?" Ryan looked over at Brendon.

         "No point, they've locked the door," He told him, looking at his phone.

         "Oh," He twiddled his thumbs, a bit unsure about how he felt at that moment. Was he happy Brendon was talking to him? Surprised? Angry at him? Did he want to punch Jon and Spencer for what they did? Whatever it was, he wasn't exactly sure what he felt.

         "They treat us like we're their kids," Brendon chuckled lowly.

         Ryan looked up and smiled a bit. "Yeah, they do."

         Brendon flickered his eyes up from his phone to look at Ryan. He smirked, then looked back down. Ryan was a bit surprised.  _Does this mean that he doesn't actually hate me?_ He thought, hoping for it.

         "Why'd you come back?" Brendon asked with a hard expression, still looking at his phone.

          _Well there goes that little bit of hope_ , He sighed. "I don't know. It just happened."

         "But you had a choice to come that night, didn't you?"

         "Yeah, but-"

         "Then  _why_   _did you come back?_ " Brendon now looked up, glaring a little bit.

         "Why  _wouldn't_ I come back? If you were me and you still liked everybody that was in your band, wouldn't you go back to visit them given the opportunity?" Ryan asked, upset.

         Brendon didn't say a word but continued to glare at him.

         "You know what? I want to know something. Why do you hate me so much? And don't you dare give me a, ''Because,'' Brendon. If you get to act this way then I want to know why."

         He stayed silent, this time looking away.

         "I thought so," Ryan scoffed.

         The door suddenly opened and in came Gabe and Pete.

         "Wow, never thought I'd see you two in the same room together," Pete smiled.

         Brendon got up off the couch and stormed away, something Ryan was used to at this point. He leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.

         "Spoke too soon," Pete then continued, walking towards the couch with Gabe.

         "What happened?" Gabe asked.

         "Spencer and Jon, that's what," Ryan replied, his eyes still closed, "I take it the door wasn't locked?"

         "No, why would it be?" He asked, puzzled.

         "They just left us in the room so we assumed the door was locked- Well, I mean, that's what Brendon thought."

         "Well, it wasn't, but there was a tie on the door," Pete laughed.

         Ryan rolled his closed eyes, "I'm rolling my eyes at you, by the way."

         Pete laughed even more, Gabe chuckling a bit.

         "Hey," Ryan sat up, "You don't mind if I leave soon, do you? I just have to go say bye to everybody, first."

         "Nah, no problem. You've been through enough tonight," Gabe patted his back.

         "Cool, thanks."

         "No need to thank me, it's your decision," He shrugged.

         "Hey, if you want company or something I'll get Joe, Andy, and Patrick and we could hang out with you or something," Pete offered.

         "Thanks Pete. It's fine, though. You guys should have fun," He smiled, getting up.

         He shrugged and sat back in the couch, "If you need anything, call us."

         "Sure thing. Thanks. I'll see you guys some other time."

         "Yeah, later Ryan," Gabe smiled.

* * *

         Ryan sang along to For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore while changing into his pyjamas. He walked out of his closet and sat on his bed, picking up his phone and checking it. One message from Shane, one from Dan, one from some girl he met at this one club a few days back, but none from the one person he was hoping would apologize. He continued scrolling down,  _Nope. Nuh uh. Not even close. Wait, here's one from Jon? Why would he text me, though?_  He checked it to make sure everything was okay.

 

> _**Hey sorry about tonight** _

 

         Ryan smiled, replying back.

 

> _No need to worry, it's all good_

> _**You sure?** _

> _**I feel bad though** _

> _Really, it's fine. Don't feel bad about it_

 

         He shut off his phone, tiredly rubbing his eyes. He knew Jon would text him some more, but Ryan was too tired to text back. He turned off the lights and closed his eyes, letting his dreams take him away from reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's October 2nd and I just got this chapter done!! Yeah, I know, weird song to choose but I was listening to Paramore while I was writing that part so why not make it the song I was listening to ((which was Pessimist for the record I think it was pretty fitting nonetheless)). Anyways, hope you enjoyed this stupid chapter!! I'd still like more feedback, if that's fine with you guys. And if you want more of something, don't be afraid to ask! I'm always looking for more ways to make it the way you guys would enjoy it more! Thanks so much and I hope you had a good first few days into our spooky month!! Chapter 5 will be up on it's usual date but instead the Sunday of the 12th since I've uploaded this early.


	5. You're Invited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New albums and visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we're back on our regular schedule of posting chapters on Sundays aYy!! Sorry about that, though. I just couldn't help it oops. Anyways, this week's chapter has nothing to do with Halloween anymore ((it sucks, I know)) but hey, holidays are always fun to do so I'll probably do more of those. I've also changed the title of Chapter 2 so that both that chapter and this chapter have better titles to match them idek. Welcome back, everyone!!
> 
> UPDATE: Omg I'm so sorry it's actually a Monday bc the past weekend was Thanksgiving so I was busy with my friends and family aka I couldn't write anything until lAter. Anyways, today's a holiday so I could finish it since no school aYy. Again, I'm so sorry omg. Please excuse everything in this chapter, it's not really the way I want it. But whatever, it's okay, I suppose. Thanks for your cooperation guys!!

         The doorbell rang, making Ryan jump a bit. He put down his laptop and got up off the couch.  _Who would be visiting at this hour?_ Ryan thought as he approached the door. He unlocked it and opened it, turning his focus from the handle to the person in front of him.

         "Damn you, Ryan," Brendon said, pushing in past him.

         Ryan was a little bit shocked, not sure what Brendon was doing at his place. "Brendon-"

         He quickly put his hand up against Ryan's mouth, moving him towards the wall. "Shh," He moved closer to Ryan's face, keeping his hand there, "I just don't get it."

         Ryan gave him a puzzled look, making Brendon smirk a little.

         "You're too cute sometimes, Ry. That's not the point, though. I don't get how one minute I want to punch you in the face, then the next minute I..." He trailed off, leaning in closer, this time letting go of Ryan's mouth, moving it to his cheek.

         "You...?" Ryan asked, not sure what he was doing or where it was going.

         "Fuck it," Brendon quickly pulled Ryan's face down to his and-

 

         Ryan's phone went off, making him groan. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes, his dream flooding back into his memory. "Why, Ryan?" He shook his head and yawned, "I've got to stop bumping into him." He swung his legs off the bed and got up, making his way towards the coffee machine like usual. He turned it on and unlocked his phone, checking to see who just called and what Jon said the night before.

 

 

> _**that's not gonna change anything ryan** _

 

         He rolled his eyes, replying to Jon.

 

 

> _It may not, but whatever. It's fine, Jon. Seriously_

 

         He exited the chat and checked his call history.  _Shane?_  He read,  _Why would Shane be calling me? He usually just texts..._ He called him back, Shane picking up on the first ring.

         "Shane, what's up?" Ryan asked him.

         "Hey, do you mind dropping by the studio today? We need to talk about some stuff."

         "Yeah, no problem. I'll swing by in a bit."

         "Great!" Shane exclaimed, "I'll see you in a bit, Ryan!"

         "Later," He replied, hanging up.

         Ryan sighed and reached into the cupboard, grabbing a mug from one of the shelves and placing it down if front him, filling it with coffee.

         "It's one of those days," He said, taking a sip.

 

         Ryan stepped out of his car, closing the door behind him. He walked up towards the front of his building, not paying attention to the running sounds of footsteps coming towards him. Opening the door, he heard them slowing down to a walking pace beside him. He looked over to see who was there and saw none other but Pete and Joe walking beside him.

         "Hi?" Ryan said, puzzled a bit.

         "Hey," Pete smiled, "We came to visit. Hope that's alright."

         Ryan chuckled a bit and sighed, "Even if I said no, it wouldn't really matter. You'd just stay."

         "That's not true," He stuck his tongue out, "Well, maybe Joe, but definitely not me."

         "Hey," Joe nudged Pete, making him laugh a bit, "It'd be the exact opposite and  _you_ know it."

         Ryan laughed, thinking about if he was going to be busy or not later, "Yeah, I wasn't exactly planning anything, so it's fine if you guys wanna hang for a bit."

         "Cool, it works out perfectly," Joe said.

         "Yeah, especially your timing. I _just_  got back from talking with Shane about my new album."

         "Shane?" They both asked.

         "Oh, yeah, oops. Shane's my manager."

         "Oh shit, that Shane Morrison guy or whatever?" Pete frowned.

         "Morris," Ryan corrected.

         "Whatever, I couldn't care less," Pete rolled his eyes.

         They got to Ryan's place, stepping inside.

         "Wait, how do you know him?" Ryan asked, a little bit curious.

         "That dude bitched about me, like, recently. That guy doesn't know when to quit it, does he?" He plopped down onto the couch.

         Joe quickly nudged Pete hard, making him let out a little yelp.

         "What was that for?" Pete exclaimed.

         Joe didn't let out a reply, only giving Pete a look and a little nod towards Ryan. Pete got what he was saying and turned to Ryan.

         "Sorry, but it's the truth. The guy doesn't like me, so I don't have to like him," He shrugged.

         Ryan rolled his eyes, "It's not like I was gonna tell him anything. anyways, you guys want anything?"

         "Nah, I'm fine, thanks," Joe leaned back into the couch.

         "Do you mind if I have water?" Pete asked.

         "No problem," He walked towards the fridge and got one of the many glasses he has tucked away inside a cupboard.

         "New album, huh?" Joe said.

         "Oh, yeah."

         "When's that coming out?"

         "No clue. All I know is that I want it to be the best thing I've ever made music wise, so it's probably not gonna be for a long time."

         "I don't know, man. Fever was an amazing album," Pete shrugged.

         "Maybe. But I plan on making something better than that."

         "Then you better put a lot of time and effort into it. Like,  _a lot_ ," Pete told him.

         "Already planning on it," He said, bringing the water over to Joe.

         "Hey, can I have a sip of that?" Pete asked Joe.

         "No way, the last time you asked and I let you, you ended up taking the whole thing."

         "Please?" Pete said in a long huff.

         "No means no," Joe told him, taking a sip from his water.

         "Well, that's not fair. Ryan, do you-"

         "Yeah yeah, one step ahead of ya," Ryan rolled his eyes, making his way to the extra cup of water he poured just in case.

         "Thanks, Ryan," He smiled, waiting for him to bring back the water.

         "Don't mention it."

         "Hey," Pete began, "So I take it you were fine last night?"

         "Why wouldn't I have been?"

         "Well, you did seem kind of pissed when you said bye to us," Joe shrugged, taking another sip.

         "Oh. Yeah. It's kind of Brendon's fault."

         "Isn't it always between you guys?" He rolled his eyes.

         "Pretty much," Pete agreed, "Hey, so what  _did_ he do last night to throw you a little off edge?"

         Ryan sighed, slouching back in his seat, "Would you mind if I'd rater not talk about it? Sorry, it's just that I'm trying to forget about it."

         Pete shrugged, "Whatever, you want, I guess."

         "Thanks. Couldn't you just ask Brendon if you wanted to know?"

         "No use. We would, but he'd keep telling us the exact same thing you said."

         "Oh," Ryan said, leaning back into his seat.

         They sat in silence for a bit. Ryan watched both Joe and Pete exchange looks, probably having a conversation of their own. He let them continue, waiting until one of them decided to let him in on it. They both looked over to Ryan, then back to each other, nodding.

         "So," Pete started, "They're leaving in a few days... Well, I mean,  _we're_ leaving in a few days."

         "And...?" Ryan prompted.

         " _And_ we're going out for dinner, like, tomorrow night."

         "So, you wanna come?" Joe asked.

         "Oh, uh, I... Guess?"

         "You '' _guess?_ ''" Pete raised an eyebrow.

         "Yeah, sure, I guess I'll come."

         "Great! Cool, we'll text you the details later. Just don't make plans."

         Joe got up off the couch and placed the glass on the counter, Pete getting up and walking to the door.

         "Patrick wanted to practice a bit today, which we've been neglecting to do. We'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?" Pete asked, waiting for Joe to come.

         "Yeah, sure. I'll see you guys later."

         The both stepped out the door, Pete quickly turning around, "You know Brendon's gonna be there, right?"

         Ryan shrugged, "I figured."

         "And you're fine with that?" He checked.

         "As fine as I'll ever be."

         Pete rolled his eyes and turned back around, "I hope so."

         "Brendon knows you're coming, too, by the way," Joe added.

         "But you just asked me," Ryan said, puzzled.

         "Yeah, but we were gonna make you come with us one way or another," He replied.

         Ryan laughed, "Good thing I said yes, then."

         "Good thing indeed," Joe smiled, "Later, Ryan."

         "Bye!" Pete added, walking down the hall to the elevator."

         Ryan rolled his eyes and shut the door. "What am I going to do with them?" He sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, no actual Brendon in this chapter. Dinners are always nice. If you've gotten this far into the story, then wow, I applaud you. I'm actually laughing at my own writing wow how do you put up with me. Anyways, feed back is very much appreciated!! Honestly, I don't mind if you critique it at all, as a matter of fact, I like hearing what sucks about it because personally, I don't really like how it's going. So really, just say what you wanna say about it, it'll literally make my day. Thanks a bunch for putting up with me!! You guys rock. Have a happy Thanksgiving! Chapter 6 up next Sunday!


	6. The Truth or Not The Truth?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's at the restaurant with the guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so hi hello hey sorry about the wait but it's finally here!! I really hope this doesn't happen again since it sucked that I was way too busy this past weekend. Two chapters this week, I promise. Anyways, thanks for understanding my dilemma. You guys rock. Also, on a further note, I recently reached 100 hits, so thank you!! It's not a huge number to some people, but it means so much to me. Thanks for sticking around with me and my stupid writing haha.

        Ryan walked through the doors of the restaurant, approaching the front desk.

        "Hi," the girl at the front desk smiled, "table for how many?"

        "He's with us," Gabe walked out from the side and put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, smiling at the girl, "thank you."

        The girl nodded, Gabe leading him away to their table.

        "That was fast," Ryan said.

        He laughed and dropped his hand, "If you wanna count seeing you walk in, then I guess I am."

        Ryan grinned, coming to a stop at the table.

        "Hey!" Joe threw his hands up in the air, smiling at Ryan, "how's it going, man?! Long time no see! It's been, what? Yesterday?"

        "Yeah," He laughed, "It feels like it's been centuries."

        Joe looked over to Andy and Patrick. "New song idea?" he joked.

        "Totally. One album at a time, man," Patrick rolled his eyes.

        Ryan looked around the table for Spencer or Jon, but finding neither.

        "If you're wondering where Panic! is," Gabe noticed him looking for whoever, "they're not here yet. But they did make it clear on who wanted to sit beside who."

        He plopped in the seat next to Andy, Gabe smacking his arm.

        "Not there," he told him, "you're sitting beside Dallon and Brendon. Spencer's in front of you, along with me and Jon."

        "Why didn't I get a say in this? And where are we exactly supposed to sit?" Ryan asked, not moving a muscle.

        "Because. And not beside Andy. That's Pete's spot."

        "Hey," Ryan looked around, "where is he, anyways?"

        "Bathroom," Andy shrugged.

        "Then I guess he wouldn't mind me taking his seat for a bit, would he?"

        Gabe let out a sigh, "Whatever."

        He looked out the window across from them, watching to see if he needed to meet anybody else at the front.

        Ryan leaned back in Pete's seat, looking up at Gabe, not in rush to move to his own spot.

        "So," Patrick said, making them all, except Gabe, look over at him, "what've you been up to since we've last seen you?"

        "Oh, nothing really. I just had a talk with Shane yesterday about the album. That's it. What about you guys? Anything new?"

        "Not really," he shrugged, "well, at least for me."

        "Yesterday Joe and I went around the area for a walk," Andy spoke.

        "Cool. Any place specific?" Ryan asked.

        "Nah, just around. You know, killing time," Joe told him.

        "I hung out with Gabe and Brendon," Pete said, pushing Ryan out of his seat.

        He laughed, "You could've just asked, y'know."

        "Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" he winked.

        "Where's our-"

        "Those last few seats over there," Gabe pointed for Ryan, knowing what he was going to say.

        "Thanks."

        He nodded, "Leave space for Dallon and Brendon."

        Ryan walked towards one of the seats, sitting down. He looked down at his hands, half listening to what the others were talking about and half zoning out. Was he ready for this? He hadn't really thought much about it since Pete and Joe visited him the day before. He was still quite pissed at Brendon, yet he couldn't help but want to see him again. He could even hear him saying his name again, like nothing ever has ever gotten between them.  _Hey, Ryan!_  he continued looking down at his hands, not even.  _Ryan_ , he heard him again,  _Ryan? You okay?_  followed by a smack on his arm. He looked up, seeing Dallon confused.

        "Sorry, just thinking," Ryan smiled, "hey, Dallon."

        He took a seat next to him, smiling back, "S'alright. How's it going?"

        "Okay, I guess," _if you call being really anxious 'okay,'_   he thought, "what've you been up to?"

        "That's good to hear. Nothing much, though."

        "Cool," Ryan looked over to Gabe, seeing him talking to Brendon and catching glimpses of Ryan.

        Gabe laughed along with him and nodded towards where they were sitting. They walked over, Brendon becoming serious. Ryan rolled his eyes, looking in front of him.

        "Hey Spence. Jon," he smiled.

        "Ryan! What's up, man?" Spencer grinned, Gabe and Jon taking a seat beside him.

        "Nothing really," he shrugged.

        "Hey, sorry about the other day," Spencer looked down.

        "Really," Jon added.

        Ryan flicked his hand, "Don't worry about it."

        Brendon slowly took his seat next to Ryan, making him once again roll his eyes. Another thing he was used to by now.

        "Brendon, seriously? I don't bite," he leaned back into his seat.

        " _Yet_ ," Gabe whispered to Spencer.

        He let out a sigh, hearing both Jon and Spencer laugh. Dallon put on a fake smile, obviously not knowing what he meant.

        " _Ever_ ,"  Ryan stared him down.

        Gabe put his hands up in the air, "Hey, I'm just stating facts."

        "Gabe," Pete shouted over from down the table, "is William still coming?"

        "Oh, yeah, he's just doing something first. He said he'll be here in a bit."

        One of the waitresses walked over to their table, putting on one of those fake smiles they would always do that Ryan always hated. "Hey, I'm Kelly and I'll be your server for this evening," she flipped her long blonde hair back, "what can I start you guys with?"

        "Uh, I'll have a water," Gabe told her.

        "Make that two," Spencer added.

        Jon then piped in, "No, three, please."

        "What beers do you have?" Brendon asked.

        "We've got Stella, Alexander, Flying Dog-"

        "I'll take that one, thanks."

        "Sure thing," she wrote them down on her pad. "And yourself?" she pointed towards Ryan.

        "I know what Ryan'll have," Gabe nudged Spencer, winking and looking at Brendon.

        Ryan and Brendon rolled their eyes, Ryan then looking towards Kelly.

        "I'll take a beer, too, thanks,"

        "Sure. Which one would you like?"

        "Uh..." Ryan thought for a second.

        "He'll have what I got, too, thank you," Brendon smiled at her.

        "Great. I'll be back with your drinks in a bit," Kelly smiled at them, walking over to the other end of the table.

        They all looked a bit surprised at him, including Brendon himself. He brushed it off and looked over to Ryan.

        "You'll like it, it's nice," Brendon told him.

        "Oh," Ryan let out, unsure on if it was another dream, "uh, thanks."

        He nodded and looked over to Gabe, making Ryan raise an eyebrow over at him. Gabe shook his head.

        "No, I didn't cheat," he stuck his tongue out at Ryan.

        He chucked a bit, looking over at Dallon who just finished ordering. "So, Dallon, what'd you do before you joined Panic!?"

        "Oh," he smiled, "I was in a band. It was cool, I guess."

        "Neat. What's it called?"

        "The Brobecks. But I'm done with that, now."

        "I would assume so since you're in this band now."

        "Yeah. Anyways, what've you done since you've left?"

        Ryan leaned back in his seat, "Well, Jon and I made another band called The Young Veins. We're on hiatus, though, so we've been doing solo stuff for a while now."

        "Not much of a hiatus now, though," Jon chimed in.

        "Yeah, I guess."

        "That's cool, though. It's nice to hear you're still making music."

        "Well, thanks," Ryan grinned, "glad you're in the band."

        Dallon smiled back before turning to talk to Kenny. William walked in and towards the table, Gabe practically jumping in his seat.

        "Hey, William!" he smiled.

        "Gabe! Hey! How's it going, everybody?" he smiled, extending his arms out.

        "Cool, thanks," Pete said, "you?"

        "Great, thank you."

        Kelly then came over with the tray for Ryan's side of the table. "Here you go," she placed the waters in front of Spencer, Jon and Gabe, following up by putting the beers in front of Brendon and Ryan. "I'll be back in a second," she smiled over to William.

        He nodded with a grin, talking to Kenny, Andy, Joe, Patrick and Pete. Brendon picked up his drink and took a sip, Ryan watching. He looked over to him and nodded his head over to Ryan's.

        "Try it," Brendon demanded.

        Ryan nodded and picked it up, taking a sip of his own. He slowly let the cold liquid flow into his mouth, tasting the wonderful flavours of the beer dancing around.

        "So?" Brendon asked.

        _It's amazing_ , Ryan wanted to say. "You're amazing," is what he blurted out. _  
_

        Gabe spat out his water, Spencer whispering something to him. Brendon looked at him with what looked like surprise, could be shock, hopefully wasn't  _wow did Ryan literally just say that? What a loser_. Ryan quickly bit his lip, his eyes growing wide the instant he let it out. Jon smiled a bit, still just as surprised as everybody else at the table. Not as much as Brendon and Ryan were, mind you, but pretty close to it. Brendon cleared his throat, opening his mouth as if to say something but not finding any words to speak.

        "Sorry," Ryan quickly looked down at his hands, panicking more than ever.

        What bothered Ryan wasn't the fact that everybody at their table was looking at him. No, that was the farthest of his problems. What bothered him was the fact that Brendon  _didn't_  say anything. Even a, "Ryan, what the fuck?" would've made Ryan ten times more calm than just a clearing of the throat and not being able to actually say anything to it. _  
_

        "I really fucked up there, didn't I?" he buried his face in his hands and whispered so that nobody could hear him, laughing to himself.

        "I, um..." Brendon looked down at his beer.

        "Excuse me," Ryan said, getting up out of his seat to go to the bathroom.

        He walked into it, and turned on the tap water. He splashed some into his face and leaned is hands onto the counter, looking into the mirror.

        "Nice going, Ryan," he scolded himself. He looked down into the sink. "Just when he started to like you again, too," he smiled sadly. "Idiot," he looked back up into the mirror.

        " _Please_ tell me that was intentional," Gabe burst through the door.

        "It was by accident, I swear!" Ryan spun around.

        "No, dude, I don't  _care_ if it was or not, but the look on Brendon's face was priceless."

        "What do you mean?" Ryan sniffed a bit.

        "First off, dude, have you been crying?"

        "What? No, of course not,"  _but one more second of being in here alone and I probably would've_.

        "Good. Secondly, Brendon was practically  _blushing_ , Ryan.  _Blushing,_ " Gabe waved his arms around.

        "Liar," Ryan said.

        He shrugged, "Call me whatever you want, but 'liar' isn't one of them."

        "Perjurer."

        Gabe laughed, "Not that, either."

        "Fabricator."

        "Okay, okay! I get it! But I swear, I'm not lying."

        Ryan smiled a little bit, blushing himself.

        "Looks like you might have to give me ten dollars after all," he laughed, "anyways, you done your sobbing in here? I'd like to come back out with you."

        "Nah, I'll just stay in here for the rest of the night," Ryan said sarcastically, "of course. I'll be out in a second."

        "Sure thing."

        Gabe walked out, leaving Ryan on his own once more. He turned back around to face the mirror, looking at himself.

        "You hear that, Ryan? He's not pissed at you... At least from what Gabe said," he took a deep breath in, "now get your ass back out there and suck it up."

        He stood up and walked towards the door, taking one last breath before opening it.

* * *

        "It was nice seeing you guys again," Ryan smiled, "see you guys soon?"

        Spencer nodded, "Next time _you're_  visiting  _us_."

        "Of course. Take care, will ya?"

        "Anything for you," Spencer hugged him, "you better do the same, 'kay?"

        "Sure thing. Have a safe flight guys," Ryan grinned again, walking towards the door.

        "BYE RYAN!" Pete shouted again from the table, making him laugh.

        He pulled out his phone and texted him a, "Bye Pete," back. He pushed the front doors open and put his phone back into his pocket. He stopped after a few steps and took in a breath. Ever since that incident earlier, neither he nor Brendon have talked to one another for the rest of the night. In a way he felt relived. At the same time, he was kind of bummed about it. _But it was all for the best, right?_ he thought,  _right?_

        "Hey," the door opened from behind him, making Ryan turn around, smiling a bit.

        "Hi."

        Brendon moved forward and stood beside Ryan, looking down at his feet, then up at the stars, then over to Ryan.

        "Don't I get a goodbye, too?" He said.

        Ryan looked over, meeting Brendon's eyes.  _No,_ he was going to say.  _No,_ _I don't want to say goodbye to you,_ he wanted to say.  _No,_ _I don't want to say goodbye to you because I don't want you to leave me, let alone me leave you again,_ he needed to say. Instead, they all just came out as an, "Of course. Bye, Brendon. Stay safe." He turned around and walked back to his car, not sure of what he'd do if he stayed any second longer. Not sure if Brendon was forced to go out and say goodbye. Not sure if Brendon even wanted to be his friend again.  _What if this is all just a cruel prank?_  he thought, slipping his hands into his pocket.  _What if Gabe just wants my money?_  he laughed a bit.  _What if I don't think of Brendon as a friend? What if? What if? What if?_  Ryan stepped inside his car, starting the engine.  _What if this is all just a dream and I'm never going to wake up?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes Chapter 6! I'm actually somewhat proud of this chapter ((keyword: sOmewhat)) so I hope you guys like it, too! More feedback, please! I haven't been getting anything lately, so y'know, comments would be appreciated. Thanks so much again for the 100 hits! You guys are so amazing, wow. Remember to catch Sunday's Chapter 7! Thanks guys!!


	7. Sometimes Before It Gets Better, The Darkness Gets Bigger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving day and everybody's reunited once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back as promised!! I hope you guys had a good weekend! I have a long weekend so all's cool at the moment. I hope your guys liked the last chapter! If anything, I like it better than the last two before it. So I had to redo this chapter after about two or three hours of writing because it was literally so horrible to the point where it made me cringe as hard as I do when I think about my scene phase oops. I did in fact write this on Sunday but like I said, I redid it and now it's up on a Monday. At least I somewhat kept my promise. I hope you guys understand omg I'm so sorry I'm so bad at updating on time. Thanks for being patient lovelies!!

         "Ryan. Dude. Thanksgiving. My place. No ''if''s, ''and''s, or ''but''s about it," Spencer said as soon as Ryan picked up.

         "Spencer. Dude. Date. Time. I'm in," he laughed.

         "Great! The 28th, so, like, actual Thanksgiving day. Also, you're staying with me. Gabe's with Brendon and Pete, but try and carpool together or something, yeah?"

         "I'll see what I can do," Ryan told him.

         "Great. Just be here."

         He smiled as he unlocked his door, "Yep, we'll be there. Did you ask Gabe already or nah? 'Cause if you didn't I can ask him since we're going out with people in a couple hours."

         "Cool, that'd be great. Convince him to come."

         "I'm sure he'll say yes, anyways," Ryan told him.

         "He better."

         "He will, I can assure you. Anyways, I'll talk to ya later, Spence."

         "Yep yep, take care."

         Ryan hung up and texted Gabe, asking him when and where to meet up that night.

 

 

         "You down?"

         "Yeah, totally! It'll be nice seeing them again," Gabe exclaimed.

         "Great, this'll be interesting, then," Ryan chuckled.

         "Basically," Gabe laughed, "it's cool that they let us stay with them for a few days."

         "Now I feel bad for making them stay in four star hotels," he joked.

         "'Cause our places are totally five star quality."

         "Even more, actually."

         Gabe laughed and flunked down into a seat, pulling out his phone. "What about Jon?" he asked.

          _What_ about _Jon?_ Ryan thought. "I don't know, to be honest. Maybe with Spencer and I?"

         "Possibly. Hopefully they didn't forget about him, though."

         "No, they would never forget him. That's like forgetting Dallon in a children's play area in one of those fast food places. It just doesn't happen."

         "Nice example," he laughed, "I dunno. Maybe it's just that they haven't asked him yet."

         "Maybe. But then they wouldn't've said where you were going to be since they didn't ask you yet, either. So maybe they're just trying to figure out who Jon can stay with."

         "Could be," Gabe lifted up is phone and moved over to Ryan. "This," Gabe said, "this is going to go on my Instagram. Look pretty."

* * *

         "Later, Gabe," Ryan smiled as he stepped out of Gabe's car after a long-ish ride to Spencer's. He walked up and barely even rang the doorbell when the door swung open. "Hey, Spence! Excited to see me, huh?" he nodded towards the door.

         "You wish," he rolled his eyes, "you slammed the door loudly."

         He shrugged, pulling his bag up his arm a bit, "I'm not very good with surprises."

         "You sure surprised us when we saw you again for the first time in forever, though."

         "Yeah, but that was, like, the only time."

         Spencer shook his head, "And the time we split up."

         "Not much of a surprise, Spence."

         "And the recent time you told Brendon he was-"

         "Yeah yeah, I get it. Tell me more."

         Spencer chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, man," he stepped to the side and gestured in, "right this way."

         "Thank you, sir," he lifted an eyebrow.

         They walked into the family room and sat down on the couches. "Everybody'll be here in a few hours."

         "Cool," Ryan said, lifting his legs up onto Spencer's lap, "oh, that reminds me, where's Jon staying?"

         "Oops, I forgot to tell you that Jon couldn't come."

         "Wait, _what_ _?!"_

         "Yeah, it really sucks. He has this family dinner tonight, though. I would've gotten him to stay with us if he didn't."

         "Wow, that actually sucks. Hopefully he'll have fun," Ryan sighed.

         "We'll all video call him or something later. You know, so at least we wouldn't have to spend it without anyone."

         "Yeah, that'll be nice. Too bad, though."

         "Pretty much."

 

         "RYAN!" Pete ran and threw his arms around him, "it's been a while!"

         "Yeah, it has, hasn't it?"

         "Totally."

         Ryan felt a tap on his shoulder, making him turn around and finding Dallon and Kenny standing there.

         "Hey guys! Long time no see!" they greeted each other.

         As everybody made their way around to said hi to everybody, Ryan finished greeting what he thought was the last person, being Patrick, when he realized Brendon was nowhere to be found. He wasn't sure on whether or not he was happy on it, like usual, but all of this waiting eagerly for the man he was once friends with was building up anxiety. He couldn't wait any longer. So he decided to get up and go out to the front porch. He sat down and looked up into the sky and watched as a group of birds danced past all of the houses. One car drove by. The birds were still over top the houses. Another car drove by. He watched as the birds started to land. A third car drove by, passing them. The birds that were landed for a second flew up and made their way down the street.  _Birds can easily fly away from whatever their situation. They can leave whenever they want to. Lucky them,_ he thought. He lay down on the porch and watched the group of clouds go by.  _Like friends,_ he thought,  _like all of us._ A fourth car pulled up. The door opened and shut within a matter of seconds before making their way up. Ryan continued to look up at the sky, listening to what he figured was Brendon coming up towards the steps. He walked right past him, making his way inside.

         "Hello to you, too," Ryan mumbled.

         Still, he continued to look up at the sky. He noticed a whole group of clouds. Not to far from them, he saw a lone cloud. He chuckled lightly.  _Scratch that,_ he thought, thinking about his last thought,  _they're like those clouds. I'm that one._ He watched as the lone cloud tried to catch up to the group, but the group of clouds kept moving forward, as well. More specifically, the cloud in the group that the lone one was aiming for.  _I got you, cloud,_ he thought. As the group got farther and farther, the lone cloud was losing them. When there was no hope left, the cloud was all by itself. Not one other cloud around it. The lone cloud was more alone than ever. He remembered that you never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. The cloud tried to catch up with the group, but failed, not appreciating the fact that he had friends to begin with. All that time, the cloud probably split up from it's own group to go try and be part of another.  _I'm not gonna let this happen to me._

         "Still lying down, are we?" Brendon asked, sitting next to him.

         Ryan looked over. "It would seem that way."

         He looked at the road in front of them, keeping quiet as if in thought. Ryan watched him, curious as to what was going on in his mind. Brendon lay back, now at the same level as him.

         "You seemed fixed on the sky earlier. Why?" Brendon asked.

         "Oh," he looked back up at it, "no real reason."

         "Hmm," he looked at where Ryan was looking, trying to figure out what was so interesting to him, "that one cloud? I mean, there's nothing else in the sky, really."

         "Besides the sky itself."

         Brendon chuckled lightly, "Right. But seriously, you weren't actually looking at the sky itself, were you?"

         "Why would that be a bad thing?"

         "It's not that it's bad, it's just that it's boring. Even for you."

         "Thanks," he rolled his eyes.

         There was a pause before he spoke again. "You didn't answer my question."

         Ryan looked over and met Brendon's eyes, "The cloud."

         "What about that cloud?" he looked puzzled.

         Like always, there were so many things Ryan was going to say, but he couldn't find any words to narrow it down into one short thing. In the end, he just went with the truth, leaving out his thoughts. "There was a group of clouds. And there was that one other cloud."

         "What's that supposed to mean?"

         He sighed. "Nothing," he told him. "They're just clouds," he added.

         "Clouds with a story," Brendon looked him dead in the eyes before continuing, "Ryan, if I still know you, you don't just look at things that are ''just something.'' They have a meaning to you." He turned his focus back up to the one cloud, "If you don't want to tell me just say so."

         Ryan shook his head. "I'm the cloud," he whispered.

         "Ryan, you're not the cloud. You're anything  _but_ the cloud."

         He blushed, not meaning for Brendon to hear that.  _Oops._ "But what if I was? It's not like you guys would do anything about it."

         "You know, I could slap you right now. Of  _course_ we would do something about it, man. It's not like we're the fucking group of clouds. We wouldn't just leave you when you need us."

         "Yeah, that's what you say now."

         "So what, is me saying it not enough for you? Do you need everybody to say it? Because I can make that happen."

         Ryan looked down at the ground where his arms were then looked towards Brendon, not making eye contact. "Sorry."

         He rolled his eyes and sighed, "You better be."

         They sat in silence and continued looking up. This time, Ryan had nothing to think about. He just stared at the sky blankly. The same group of birds came back, landing on Spencer's lawn. They sat there, waiting for something. They waited and waited, yet nothing was happening.

         "What's happened to us?" Brendon said.

         "I don't know."

         "Ever since you and Jon left, everything's been a lot different. Don't get me wrong, I love Dallon and Kenny, but nothing's the same as before. Not even a little bit."

         "Yeah, but at least you look like you have everything."

         "In what way?"

         "You've got an amazing job, a wife, people who love you... You look like you're living the white picket fence type of life."

         Brendon sighed, "It's not that perfect. At least not anymore."

         Ryan looked over, confused. "What do you mean?"

         "I, uh, I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

         "Oh. I'll pretend I didn't hear it."

         He smiled lightly, "Thanks."

         The birds were still there, waiting for the something that hasn't happened yet. Then, a bird landed where the group was. He realized that they were waiting for the bird to catch up to them before going any farther. It hit him that that's the way everything was at the moment. That was how Brendon described it. They never left the bird, it just fell behind. They made sure to take however long it would take them until their friend found them again. Ryan found them again.

         "You're not the cloud," Brendon said softly, "you're the bird."

* * *

         "Perfect, Gabe. You should write a story," Jeremy said after Gabe finished telling the story about the Ryan and Brendon incident at the restaurant.

         "I should write a story about Brendon and Ryan."

         "Shut up," Ryan crossed his arms, folding Jon in between his arm and his chest.

         "Ryan, I can't see," Jon laughed through the video chat.

         He uncrossed his arms and held his phone up again, "Sorry."

         "Thanks."

         "So wait, you guys don't talk to each other anymore?" Hayley asked.

         Brendon shrugged, "Not really."

         "That sucks. You guys were, like, the best of friends."

         "Things have changed," Ryan told them.

         "Too bad. At least you guys are all back with each other, right?" Taylor said.

         "Yeah, I guess."

         Ryan looked down at the floor. The room went quite with everybody thinking about which stories to tell. Ryan just sat there. Pete started talking, probably telling a story. Everybody focused on him except for Ryan. He thought about how they really don't talk except for the times when they're all together. Even then they don't really talk during those times.  _I'm the lone cloud and Brendon's the cloud in the group that doesn't want anything to do with the lone cloud. I'm just_ there _._  He looked up towards Pete, catching Brendon looking at him. Ryan's phone vibrated lightly in his hand, indicating he got a text. He opened up the text and read it.

 

 

> _**Stop thinking like that.** _

 

Ryan looked at the number, not recognizing it, but knowing who it was. He looked back over to Brendon, who moved his gaze over to Pete. Ryan waited until Pete was done the story until he sat Spencer up, who was lying on Ryan mostly, but Taylor and Hayley, too. He gave him his phone so Jon could still hang out with everybody and made his way out into the backyard, excusing himself. He sat down on the deck and rubbed his face. He heard the door open from behind him.

         "I'm sorry. I can be pessimistic at times."

         "Dude, seriously, I told you already. You're-"

         "Yeah, I get it. I'm the bird. Whatever."

         Brendon sat down beside him. "You're seriously not getting the point."

         "Go ahead, then. What  _is_ the point?" _  
_

"The cloud chose to be separated from his old group to go join another group. You didn't-"

         "I  _did_."

         Brendon paused. "Maybe so, but the group of clouds didn't really let the single cloud in."

         "But there were no birds that  _didn't_ want the lost bird in."

         "And that's the same with us, Ryan."

         "Yeah right."

         "Then why don't you tell me who you think this person that doesn't want you in the group is."

         "You," Ryan glared at him.

         "You're just saying that because you  _think_ I hate you." _  
_

"Please, Brendon. That's not the truth and you know it."

         Brendon opened his mouth and stopped, his eyes going softer.

         He scoffed, "I thought so."

         Ryan got up and stormed around the side of the house, deciding to go on a walk away from everybody for a bit.

         "Ryan, wait," Brendon tried to catch up to him.

         "Go away," he shouted back towards him.

         He kept his distance a little bit from behind him, not listening to what he had asked, "Please stop."

         Instead, Ryan walked faster.

         "I'm sorry!"

         "Sorry for what? Hating me? Because that's nothing to be sorry for. I'd hate me."

         "Don't say that," he told him.

         Ryan turned down to the neighbourhood pond, his original plan before Brendon decided to go after him.

         "Too late. I just did."

         Brendon decided to break the distance and spun Ryan around, seeing Ryan a bit upset.

         "You want to know _why_ I hate you? Well here's the truth: I hate you because you meant so much to me before you left, and when you did, you never actually made an effort to kept in touch. That hurt me more than you think, Ryan. I finally got over the fact that we were never going to be friends again and told myself that if you  _really_ cared about us, you would've tired to make an effort to come back into our lives. Just a year after I finally got over it completely, you show up again as if nothing really ever happened. I built my  _everything_  without having to include you in any of it, I was living a  _perfect life,_ then you came back and everything felt as if it was all for nothing. I hate you because I knew I was going to get too attached again and that you would stay for a long while until you found some way to hurt me again without even realizing it," Brendon sighed, "it's such a stupid feeling that I can't even say it without it sounding stupid."

         Ryan just looked at him.

         Brendon looked him straight in the eyes and took a deep breath. "Ryan, I..." He then looked down, dropping his arms to his sides, "Never mind," he mumbled.

         He turned back around and walked away, leaving Ryan to just watch him leave.

* * *

         "It was nice seeing you guys again! And you, too, Ryan! Take care of yourself, alright?" Hayley said, giving him a hug.

         "Of course. Stay safe, you hear?"

         "Totally," she smiled before turning around to say goodbye to Spencer.

         Brendon walked into the foyer from the living room and said bye to Jeremy, Taylor, and Spencer. Just before he turned back around to the door, Ryan grabbed his arm.

         "Don't ask about it, please," Brendon told him, finding something interesting in the floor.

         Ryan dropped his arm and mumbled a goodbye to him.

         He was just about to step out the door before turning back around to whisper something in his ear to him, then leaving.

         "You're the bird."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes that week's chapter!! I hope you guys liked it because I actually lost a bit of a part to this story from pressing back by accident when it wasn't saved, so that's why one part doesn't really make much sense ((aka the beginning of the story part oops sorry)). Anyways, comments are much appreciated. Those things I like. And it doesn't have to be anything good about it. If there's something you think I can do better about it, go ahead and let me know! That's something I actually really like. Chapter 8 next Sunday!


	8. Behind The Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Spencer pay a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy diddly frienderoonies. Okay, so, it's come to my conclusion that I probably won't be posting on Sundays anytime in the near future since I wind up posting them on a Monday or Tuesday night. Oops. So, even though I'll still continue saying that, "It'll be up on Sunday," please don't be upset with me if it's not. Sometimes I'm busy with something for school or for myself or whatever the case may be. Thanks for understanding!

"Morning sleepyhead," Spencer joked as Ryan walked into the living room, "how'd you sleep?"

         He yawned and sat down on the couch, "Fine, thanks. You?"

         "Good, thank you. So," he turned towards him before continuing, "we were gonna go out to hang with Brendon and Gabe, but then Brendon got caught up in something else so now we can't."

         "Too bad," Ryan rubbed his eye, not paying much attention and leaning his head onto Spencer's shoulder.

         "Doesn't mean we're gonna do it, though," he patted Ryan.

         He hummed and closed his eyes, Spencer smacking the back of his head. Ryan groaned and smacked him back, instead lazier. Spencer laughed and shrugged him off of his shoulder.

         "Get ready, we're leaving in a few," he shooed him as he walked into the kitchen.

         "But it's only," Ryan looked over at the clock, "12:30!"

         "12:24," he peaked his head into the living room, "now shoo."

         Ryan sighed and got up, making his way back into the guest room.

* * *

         The door swung open, Gabe standing behind it, "Oh, hey guys! Nice seeing you here, but I thought we were going out later?"

         "Can't," Spencer shrugged, "Brendon cancelled because he was busy."

         Gabe looked at him, puzzled, "No... No, he's not busy."

         Spencer spun around to Ryan, "What'd you do this time?"

         Ryan threw his hands up defensively, "This time  _he_  said it, not me."

         "No offence, Ryan, but I find that hard to believe," Gabe chuckled, "whatever. Come on in."

         They both stepped inside and made their way into the living room, sitting down.

         "He could've at least told me why he didn't want to," Gabe sighed.

         "He could have at least told me he  _didn't_  want to go," Spencer rolled his eyes.

         "Hey, Gabe? Did you see my notebook?" Brendon walked in, looking down at papers he had in his hands. "I can't find it any-" his eyes widened a bit, spinning back around to the way he walked in.

         "Brendon, get back in here," Gabe said.

         They heard a pause in his walking, followed by the growing sounds of his footsteps, making his way back in and plopping down on one of his couches.

         "You've got some explaining to do," he crossed his arms.

         "I told you I was busy," Brendon looked down.

         "Busy my ass," he rolled his eyes, "why didn't you just say that you didn't wanna hang out with them today?"

         He just sat there, looking down at the floor. Ryan looked over to Gabe and shook his head, telling him to let it go. Gabe sighed and leaned back into the big seat. Spencer got up and stretched.

         "Well, I'm gonna go take a walk. Gabe, you wanna come?"

         "What? But you just got h-  _hey!"_ Spencer kicked him, "O-oh, yeah, we did run out of milk... I need my coffee, let's go."

         They both walked out of the room and into the foyer, getting ready to go. Ryan and Brendon watched them leave, not making a sound. Ryan looked down and Brendon out the window, still not even a word. In fact, it was quiet enough that you could hear a pin drop from upstairs.

         Ryan took a breath and chuckled to himself. "Back to square one, huh?"

         Brendon stayed silent, still looking out the window.

         He sighed and looked at him, "Did you really mean that?"

         "Ryan, I-" Brendon closed his eyes.

         "Did you?"

         He looked over to where Ryan sat, opening his mouth. He paused for a second before shaking his head and looking back out the window. "I shouldn't've said anything. I shouldn't've even gone after you," he mumbled.

         "Well, I'm glad you did."

         "Maybe you are, but I really,  _really_  shouldn't have."

         Ryan shrugged, letting the silence get comfortable before saying anything. "Tell me one thing, though."

         "Depends."

         He sighed, "About last night."

         "Oh. No. I don't want to talk about it."

         "Please?"

         Brendon rubbed his face, "Will you shut up about last night if I do?"

         "Possibly."

         He looked him in the eyes sternly, not particularly excited about what Ryan wanted to know.

         "Fine," he groaned.

         "Hit me," Brendon slouched back into his seat.

         "What were..." he paused for a second, "what were you going to say to me back at the pond?"

         He looked down at the floor, staying still before getting up. "I've got work to do."

         "Bullshit," Ryan got up, following behind him, "what were you gonna say?'

         "I don't know what you mean."

         "Brendon. Seriously, you know  _exactly_  what I mean. You said something like, '' _Ryan, I_ ,'' followed by a short silence, and then a, '' _Never mind._ '' Just tell me"

         "No."

         "If you tell me I'll owe you one."

         Brendon stopped at a door and turned to him, giving him a look that told him  _seriously?_

         "What?" Ryan asked.

         "Owe me what?"

         He shrugged, "I don't know. Whatever you want."

         "Owe me  _five_  and I'll tell you later."

         "I'll owe you five if you tell me right  _now_."

         Brendon sighed and continued to walk into his office, Ryan still following close behind. "No," he told him.

         "Fine," Ryan sat on the floor when Brendon sat on a chair, "I'll have to force it out of you."

         "And  _how_  are you going to do that?" Brendon asked, looking through the desk's drawers.

         "You'll see."

         Ryan picked up a notebook on the floor by the door. He opened it up to the first page, reading one of the lines randomly.

 

          _I lost it all._

 

         He turned to another page, scanning it over.

 

          _He had no clue what he was thinking._

 

         He flipped though the pages, stopping on the last one.

 

          _It was a_

 

         The line cut off, noticing the page was ripped in half. He looked around the room, looking for the other half of the page, but finding nothing. He looked over to Brendon, checking to see if he had a little trash can of some sort that he probably threw it out in. Again, he found nothing. He walked on his knees over to where Brendon was, noticing something on his desk right in front of him.  _Great,_  Ryan thought, figuring it was probably the paper. He looked at the front of the notebook, reading the words scribbled on it.  _Demos,_  it read. He closed the book and got up, quickly snatching the paper off Brendon's desk.

         "What'd you take? It's the ripped one, wasn't it?" Brendon quickly asked, looking up and trying to take it back.

         "Nothing. It's not. Just paper," he held it away.

         "Ryan, give it."

         "Not until you tell me."

         Brendon stood up and sighed, trying to grab it back, "I told you already, I'll tell you  _later_."

         "Yeah, the day I die," he lifted it up higher.

         He jumped up, trying to get it, "Possibly." He rubbed his face after failing to get it back, "What's the use. Go ahead and read it. It's what you want to know, anyways."

         Ryan sighed, bringing the paper back down and folding it us neatly. "Brendon, I may be mean, but I'm not  _that_  mean."

         He watched him fold it and just looked at him. "Why aren't you? Isn't that what you wanted?"

         Ryan shrugged, "Maybe, but it's not what you wanted so it doesn't really matter to me anymore."

         "Well, thank you."

         "Don't mention it."

         He sat down on the floor, grabbing his guitar. He patted the space next to him for Ryan to sit, waiting until he did. He started playing a few chords before going into  _Karma Police_ by Radiohead.

         "Sing," he told Ryan.

         "It should be the other way around."

         " _Sing_ _,_ " he repeated.

         He sighed, staying silent. Brendon played the opening over and over again until Ryan finally decided to sing with him. Ryan watched him as he played and sang along at times. He could tell that while he was singing, Brendon would join in only sometimes, and even when he did it was softly. That is, at least, until the very end of the song.

          _"_ _For a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself,"_  Brendon sang strongly.

         Ryan smiled a bit, remembering how much he'd loved his voice. He listened as Brendon played the last chords, watching him carefully. Brendon looked down blankly at the floor afterwards, not saying a word. Ryan was confused at first, making him think a bit.  _Oh,_ Ryan thought.

         "That's a hint, isn't it?" Ryan asked.

         Brendon looked at his phone, then up at Ryan. "I've gotta go pick up Sarah from the airport. You with?"

         "Oh, uh, sure... I guess."

         "Cool. We've gotta get going, then." They both got up and out of the room, making their way out towards the front door. "You mind texting Gabe or Spencer for me? Just tell them that we're going out for an hour or something."

         "No problem."

         They got into the car, driving away.

* * *

         "So," Brendon began, "the weather's nice tonight."

         "Yeah," Ryan breathed in.

         They had just finished dinner. Spencer and Gabe were too busy watching movies and Sarah went out with her friends, leaving Ryan and Brendon to be bored out of their skulls. They finally decided to take a walk after having a little concert of their own again and writing some stuff together in Brendon's office space. They decided to walk down to the beach, just talking about whatever they wanted to talk about.

         "You know," Brendon spoke softly, "I'm glad you came back."

         Ryan blinked, "I'm sorry?"

         "I did miss you... In a sense, I suppose. Still, I'm happy that you're back now. It wasn't the same without you."

         "Thanks," he smiled, "so am I."

         They reached the beach, deciding to sit down by the water. Brendon looked up at the sky, Ryan watching him.

         "Brendon?" Ryan spoke.

         "Yeah?"

         "Your demos..." he trailed off for a moment.

         "Oh. You've seen them?" Brendon rubbed the back of his neck.

         He nodded, "They're good. I mean, from what I'd skimmed over quickly, but they were good. Why didn't you use them?"

         He shrugged a bit. "I just...  _It_   _just_ didn't feel right. I mean, they're a little too... What's the word... _Personal_  in a sense."

         "Hmm," he looked out at the water, "too bad."

         "They weren't even good, anyways."

         "Dude, trust me, they were amazing."

         "You're just saying that."

         "I'm really not."

         "Well, thank you," he leaned down on Ryan's shoulder.

         Ryan looked over and smiled a bit, resting his head on Brendon's. He took it as Brendon didn't mind him doing so, seeing as though he didn't move at all. In fact, Ryan even felt him relax a bit.

         "Strange, huh?" Brendon spoke quietly as though somebody could hear them.

         "Hmm?"

         "Well," he scooted closer a bit, becoming more comfortable with how he was sitting, "one day I hate your guts and the next I'm not sure how I feel."

         Ryan smiled softly at the water, "I would say the same, but you see, I never hated your guts. I didn't know how I felt."

         "And what about now?" Brendon asked after a moment of silence.

         "Well," he paused, "I think I know how I feel."

         "And that would be?"

         Ryan stayed silent. Brendon could hear the sound of him breathing, which to him was oddly relaxing, yet no sound from his voice.

         "Sorry," Brendon told him.

         Ryan hooked his arm around his friend's, not lifting his head one bit. "I feel that I never want to move from this spot and let the night be over."

         Brendon paused, pulling Ryan a little bit closer to him. "It doesn't have to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello hey sorry about updating late once again. It'll be a huge surprise if I do get it up on Sunday exactly haha. Again, sorry about that. You guys would understand, right?? I mean, at least I'm not abandoning the thing. Also, I have aNOther idea for a story so hey I may get started on that, too, sometime in the near future. Thanks again so much guys!! Chapter 9 up Sunday!!


	9. What's This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wake up Ryan, this isn't fair!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could it be?! A chapter up on SUNDAY?! Wow, I'm proud of myself, high five me! Well, I mean, I hope my future self gets it up in time haha. Hope you guys had a lovely week!!

         Ryan ran up the steps of Gabe's house, just in time for him to be early. Gabe once again needed help setting up, so of course, he called Ryan and forced him to help make everything look pretty. He rang the doorbell around six times, or at least that's what he thought.

         "THE DOOR'S UNLOCKED," Gabe yelled.

         Ryan stepped in and closed the door behind him, walking towards the kitchen in hopes of finding Gabe.

         "Merry Christmas," Gabe huffed out, tired.

         "Merry Christmas. Hey, you wanna go lie down for a bit? I'll take over for you."

         "Nah, I've got it. Go work on the dinning room... Please."

         "Yeah yeah," he rolled his eyes, "anything special you want it to be done like?"

         "Everything's on the couch."

         Ryan nodded, "I'll be back in a bit."

         "Scram," Gabe joked.

         He chuckled and made his way out of the room, over to the couch in the living room to pick the stuff up, walking over to the dinning room. After a half hour, he finished setting up the room. He made his way back to Gabe, barely even stepping a foot in the room before Gabe demanded for another task to be done.

         "Decorate the tree."

         "What's the magic word?" he smiled.

         Gabe turned around from the stove and looked at Ryan blankly.

         "Seriously, as soon as I'm done you've  _got_ to go lie down."

         "Yeah yeah, just decorate the tree, thanks."

         "Whatever. I'm going to my car for a second to get the gifts."

         "Oh yeah, mine are in my bedroom if you don't mind," Gabe turned back to the stove.

         "Sure thing," he smiled.

         "Thanks," the oven beeped, Gabe grabbing the oven mitts, "the decorations are in a big plastic box, just to let you know."

         "Thank you," Ryan spun back around, making his way to the front door. He walked out and unlocked his car, grabbing all of the gifts he had and making his way back inside, locking the door on his way in. He dropped them down inside the living room, then making his way up to Gabe's room to get the ones Gabe spent his time on. Bringing them back downstairs, he dropped them in the pile he had made with his gifts, looking for the box of decorations Gabe had promised. After looking all over the room, he peaked his head out of the room and yelled out to him, "Hey, Gabe? Where's the box?"

         "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that they're in the basement. Sorry about that," he yelled back.

         "No problem. Where in the basement?"

         "I got them out already so they should be at the bottom of the stairs."

         "Okay, thanks," he walked out and made his way down, seeing the box waiting for him. "I hate basements," he muttered. He grabbed the box and quickly made his way back up, shutting the door behind him. He walked back into the living room and put the box down. "Gabe, I hate your basement."

         "That's where I'm putting you if you don't hurry up."

         "Can't wait."

         "Less talking, more decorating. There's music in the stereo if you want."

         "Yep," he opened the box up and picked up the first little box filled with gold ornaments and took two out, making his way to the stereo first to put on something. He pressed play, waiting for it to start. He made his way back to the Christmas tree so he could start decorating it. The music started playing after he put the first bulb on, something he barely recognized. "Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack? Really?"

         "Close. Nightmare Revisited."

         "Great," he rolled his eyes, continuing to add the decorations. He finished adding all of the bulbs and pine cones, birds and angels, branches with fake snow and tiny Santa Clauses in gold and red and silver, wrapping Gabe's handmade popcorn garland around with big red bulbs that he guessed were fake cranberries, finishing off with fake icicles and an angel on top. He grabbed a red circular blanket that was made for the tree and wrapped it around, sweeping away the dropped pine leaves that fell while he was decorating them. He grabbed two pairs of lights -one white and one colourful- and wrapped them both around the Christmas tree. He then started to randomly grab the presents and put them around and under the tree. When he finished, he took the leftover lights and put them on the curtain rod, plugging all of them in once he was done. He started walking back into the kitchen, the doorbell ringing. He sighed, stopping in the room.

         "The door's unlocked!" They both yelled tiredly.

         The door opened, footsteps coming in, followed by the sound of many gifts being dropped in the living room.

         "You mind if I make coffee before I help?" Ryan asked, walking towards the machine.

         "Make me one, too, thanks," Gabe nodded.

         "And me, please," Hayley smiled, "merry Christmas!"

         "Hey Hayley!" Ryan smiled back, "Merry Christmas! Jeremy and Taylor are still coming, too, right?"

         "Yeah, of course! Gabe, the living room looks awesome!"

         "Thanks," Gabe smiled.

         "Yeah, it looks  _amazing,_ Gabe," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "Red heart emoji times three," he chuckled.

         "Thanks, Hayley," Ryan smiled.

         "Oh, you decorated it?"

         "Yeah, I actually  _just_ finished right now," he laughed.

         "Well amazing job, it looks spectacular!"

         "Thank you, thank you," he bowed.

         "Hey, Gabe, you need help with that? You should go lie down or something. I came a little bit early, so I don't think anybody will actually be coming for a bit."

         "Yes, please, that'd be great," he stepped aside.

         "Are you kidding me?"

         "What?" Gabe and Hayley asked.

         "I asked you before and you didn't let me."

         "I needed you to slave away at other things, thank you."

         "My pleasure," he rolled his eyes.

         "So, am I gonna cook or not?" Hayley laughed.

         "Sure, knock yourself out," Gabe chuckled as Ryan handed them both their coffees.

         "The guest room's open if you want, Ryan."

         "Thanks, but what about you?"

         "I've obviously got my bedroom, but first I've gotta watch Hayley and show her what's up with dinner."

         "Yep yep. Make sure everybody puts the gifts around the tree," he pointed at Hayley, "and if it's full, start stacking. The seats and coffee table are off limits."

         "Gotcha," she nodded.

         "Thanks, you're the best," he smiled, walking out of the room.

         "Hey, what about me?" Gabe shouted.

         "Eh, you're okay," he said, making his way towards the guest room.

         "Thanks babe," he said sarcastically.

         Ryan smiled, opening the door to the room. He lay down on the bed, his legs dangling off onto the floor. He looked up at the ceiling and started to play Connect The Dots. It didn't really work, but he did it to pass the time. Before he knew it, the sky became dark. The doorbell rang multiple times in the last hour or two, but he didn't really care. There was a knock on the guest door, but he just ignored it and continued to connect the dots. The door creaked open a bit, whoever it was peaking their head in.

         "Hey, you asleep?" Brendon spoke softly.

         Ryan didn't look over, still making deformed pictures out of the dots. "What if I was?" he replied just as softly as Brendon said it.

         He started to make his way to the bed. "Then I probably would've just done this," he lay down next to him and wrapped his arms around Ryan.

         "Then I'm asleep," Ryan smiled, closing both of his eyes.

         Brendon leaned over him, making Ryan peak an eye open. "I thought you were asleep?" Brendon chuckled, lying back down.

         "I woke up," he wrapped his arm around him, pulling him a little closer.

         "Boop," he joked, poking the tip of Ryan's nose, "I came to get you because Gabe wanted something.. Plus I just got here so I came to say hi. So hi."

         "Hello," Ryan poked his nose back, "Gabe can wait. I'm tired."

         "Then sleep, stupid. You've been in here for, what was it, two hours he said?"

         "Well shit," he looked outside, "give me half an hour, then."

         "Perfect. Hayley said it would be ready in about an hour."

         "Great. Have fun for half an hour without me."

         "I'm not leaving," he rolled his eyes. He squirmed out of Ryan's grasp and scooted over to the top of the bed and patted beside him. Ryan just looked at him, so Brendon picked up the pillow, "I'll throw this at you."

         Ryan chuckled tiredly, getting up and moving over to the top of the bed beside Brendon. Brendon placed the pillow back in Ryan's spot and lay back down, reaching his arms out. Ryan lay down close to him, letting Brendon wrap his arms around him again.

         "Now close your eyes," Brendon demanded.

         Ryan did as Brendon said.

         "Good."

         He felt Brendon snuggle up closer to him and lay his head down on his chest, Ryan wrapping an arm around him.

         "Now sleep. You've got half an hour," he said again, softly.

         "Yes sir," he rolled his closed eyes.

         "Sleep tight," Brendon whispered.

 

         Ryan was having the nicest dream ever. He was in his own little cottage up north, probably in Canada, more or less. It was snowy outside -winter he was guessing-, the fireplace was going -real wood, too, he might add-, the little stereotypical cabin smelled just like apple pie -Pete's to be exact. The place was warm -probably because of the fact that the fire was going and that there was a blanket over him -and the best part to it was that cuddled up next to him was Brendon. He looked over as he slept, making him smile.

         "Hi," Brendon rubbed his eyes after a little while, turning to face Ryan.

         "Hello sleepyhead," He kissed the tip of his nose.

         Brendon smiled, curling back up into him. "How are you?" he played with Ryan's fingers.

         Ryan laughed lightly, "You ask like you haven't seen me in forever. I'm fine, thank you. How are you?"

         "I'm good. It was a great idea to buy this place," he looked out the window.

         "Yeah, it was."

         Brendon reached over to the coffee table in front of them, picking up one of the apple squares. "Open."

         Ryan smiled and opened his mouth, Brendon making him take a bite of the treat. It was still extremely warm and gooey, filled with the wonderful flavours of apple and cinnamon with the perfect amount of crunchiness. Brendon took a bite right after and lay back down onto Ryan's chest.

         "It's as sweet as you," Brendon said.

         "Yeah, but you're sweeter than both myself and the square."

         Brendon blushed. "Stop copying me," he joked.

         "I'll stop when you stop being so cute," he shrugged.

         "Then you can stop right now."

         "That's not possible. You're always as cute as a button."

         Brendon lightly slapped him on his arm. "You're cuter."

         "Nah, you wish."

         "Nah,  _you_ wish. I  _know._ "

         Ryan smiled and pressed his forehead against Brendon's. He looked up into Ryan's eyes, moving his head up a little.

         "Merry Christmas, sweetheart," Brendon said, slowly bringing his lips closer to Ryan's.

 

         "Wake up, man," Brendon shook him.

         Ryan rolled over and pushed Brendon away, "Damn, has it been half an hour already?"

         "Yes,  _and_ I gave you an extra ten minutes. Up up up."

         "No," he drew out the no, "just a few more minutes."

         "Ryan."

         "Brendon."

         "Ryan."

         "Brendon."

         " _Ryan._ "

         " _Brnedno._ "

         Brendon laughed, "Fine. Ten more minutes but then _that's it_."

         "Thnaks," he mumbled into the pillow.

 

         "Ryan?" Brendon whispered softly, leaning over him and not pushing him off the bed like he promised to earlier.

         "Brendon?" he said in the same tone.

         "Ten minutes are up, man."

         "Ten minutes sure do go by fast," he rolled over to face Brendon, making him roll off of Ryan.

         "Yeah. Not for me, though," he looked at him.

         "Then you should've slept with me," he wrapped his arms around him.

         " _I_ had to make sure that you got up," he pushed Ryan's hair back up, "but it does sound nice."

         Ryan pressed his forehead against Brendon's, "Too bad."

         The door then banged loudly.

         "You kids aren't doing anything crazy in there, are you?" Pete yelled.

         "That's my bed, so you better not be!" Gabe shouted from what sounded like was behind Pete.

         "Nah, I just had to make sure Ryan woke up in time for dinner," Brendon spoke.

         "Even if I was asleep and you weren't doing a good job they probably would've woken me up," Ryan sighed.

         "Well hurry up, dinner's ready in like ten minutes. Hayley and I are just finishing up," Gabe said before probably walking away.

         Pete opened the door and looked at them. "Well, aren't you two just the cutest," he said before jumping in between them.

         Ryan lay his head on Pete's chest, Brendon swatting Pete's hands away from going near Ryan and pushing Ryan off of him.

         "Nuh uh, you're not going back to sleep," Brendon told him.

         "Awe, too bad," Pete said, "you're warm."

         "Relaxing, isn't it?" Brendon said.

         "Glad to hear I can warm you guys up," he rolled his eyes, "is the room filled yet?"

         "What do you mean?" Pete asked.

         "The gifts and shit. Are they all over the place?"

         "Yeah, I think so," Pete said, "why?"

         Ryan sighed and got up, "Guess what I've got to go fix now?"

         "The gifts?" Pete guessed, still confused.

         "Bingo."

         "I'll help," Brendon said, getting up.

         "I've got some socializing to do, anyways," Pete jumped off of the bed.

         "Thanks for the help," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "Anytime," Pete winked, walking out of the room.

         "So," Brendon started as he followed Ryan out of the room, "what's the gift thing about?"

         "They have to be stacked up on top of each other and be away from the couch and coffee table, otherwise the room will be completely filled and we won't be able to move. They've also got to be around the tree and the tree only."

         "I lost you at ''stacked.''"

         Ryan laughed, "Don't worry about it."

         They got to the living room and Ryan slapped himself in the face.

         " _Oh,_ " Brendon looked at the lets-pile-up-these-gifts-on-everything-we-see piles of gifts.

         "Ryan, I'm  _so_ sorry," Hayley ran up from behind, "I was too busy cooking with Gabe and I couldn't really pay attention to the gifts."

         "Don't worry about it," he rubbed his face, sighing at all of the work.

         "I'll help you guys out."

         "Thanks, but you don't have to do anything," Ryan smiled at her, "you've been a huge help with Gabe, you should go and talk to everybody or something. We'll be fine."

         "Are you sure? I don't mind."

         "Yeah. Go have fun."

         "Okay. Let me know if you need anything, ya hear?"

         "Of course."

         Ryan took out his phone and took a picture of all the presents.

         "Instagram that shit," Brendon joked.

         "You bet," he unlocked it and opened up the Instagram app, creating a new post and adjusting the picture of the gifts to his liking.

         "Oh oh, caption it as ''Thanks for all of the mess, assholes. Also, thanks *tag Gabe here* for being the ''assholes,''" Brendon looked at the screen.

         Ryan looked over at him, smiling, "That's lame and you know it."

         "Exactly," he smiled up at Ryan. "Now do it," he looked back at the phone.

         "What's the magic word?"

         Brendon sighed and pretended to make puppy eyes, "Please?"

         "No," Ryan said, typing in what Brendon said.

         "You've got me going all heart eyes emoji over you, damn," Brendon laughed.

         "I better be," he rolled his eyes. He looked back over at the pile of gifts, "You think we'll be done in less than ten minutes?"

         "Nah," Brendon said.

         "Hayley!" Ryan shouted from behind Brendon, calling her for help.

* * *

         "Ryan, dearest, this is for you, m'love," Pete handed him his gift.

         "Thank you, darling. And here is your palace, my one and only," Ryan gave Pete his.

         "Oh, dearest, how I love thee," he leaned in closer. "Gabe's room at 8," he winked.

         "But it _is_ 8, Pete," Ryan laughed.

         "Well then you better ditch everybody for me," he laughed.

         "In your dreams," he rolled his eyes.

         Everybody handed out their gifts to everybody, but the only person who Ryan still had a gift for was Brendon. He looked around the room for him, finding everybody  _but_ Brendon. He then felt a tap on his shoulder.

         "Here I am," Brendon smiled.

         Ryan smiled back at him, "Hello there." He handed him a small and flat square thing, "I'd suggest not to open it until you're really sad or upset or something."

         Brendon looked down at it and smiled, looking back up at Ryan, "Thank you, Ryan. I've got yours, but you'll have to wait a while for it. The pond around 10ish."

         Ryan nodded, "I'll be there."

         "Make sure nobody knows where you're going, though."

         "Where am I going?"

         "The pond," Brendon looked at him, puzzled.

         "No, I  _know_  that."

         "But you just sai-  _ohhhh_."

         Ryan laughed, "You're slow sometimes, you know that?"

         "I get that sometimes," he smiled.

         Everybody opened their something-somethings and put them in a special spot in the room so people didn't get confused, then found people to thank them fot their gifts. Everybody then went into the hallway and sat against the wall, people telling stories one after another. It wasn't long before it hit 10, but nobody really cared. They all planned on staying until the sun came up or whenever. At least that was Ryan's and Gabe's plan. He looked at his phone.  **9:58 PM**. Ryan looked around for Brendon, but found nobody. He slapped Gabe, who was right next to him, "I'll be back in a bit, I just have to get something."

         "Yeah yeah, no problem. I'll save your spot," he told him.

         "Thanks a bunch," he smiled as he got up, making his way out the front door.

         Ryan knew Gabe's area pretty well. Maybe not like the back of his hand, but he'd been there enough to have a sense on where the most interesting places were. He walked down the street, turned right down another, turning left though a pathway of grass, and walked down a little slope that lead into the pond. He saw a silhouette of whom he guessed was Brendon, walking down towards him.

         "Hey," Ryan said.

         "Hi," Brendon spoke.

         Ryan could detect a hint of nervousness in Brendon's voice- or was that him being scared? Either way, he knew Brendon wasn't ready for whatever it was he was going to give Ryan. "What's up?"

         Brendon breathed out. "Merry Christmas to me," he whispered, Ryan not quite catching it. "Back at the pond near Spencer's last month. You wanted to know, so I'm telling you. It may not seem like anything at all to you, but it's pretty damn hard for me to say. But fuck it."

         "Whatever it is, Brendon, it's not gonna seem like nothing to me."

         He let out a chuckle, "Great. This is going to make it a lot harder now."

         "What, would you  _want_ me to say that it means nothing to me?"

         "It would help, yeah."

         "Well too bad, because I can't lie."

         "You  _can_ lie, you're just choosing not to."

         "Quit stalling and tell me, please."

         "Fine," Brendon looked over at the water then back to Ryan, "It's quiet, that's why I chose this place."

         "That didn't seem too hard to say," Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "That's not what I was going to tell you," Brendon rolled his eyes.

         "I know, I was just trying to make you feel a little more comfortable."

         "Thanks. So. Where do I start..." he trailed off. Ryan let him take his time, seeing how Brendon was quiet nervous. Finally, he spoke up. "At the pond," he said softly, pausing for a second. "I said, '' _Ryan, I,_ '' and then I stopped myself. There's a reason why I stopped myself, you know. But that's not important, I'm guessing."

         "No, that's totally important. You can tell me."

         Brendon gave him a little smile, "I know. But it's not important to me. That's what I meant."

         "Oh."

         "Yeah. So, I was telling you why I hated you so damn much. Ryan," he began, taking a breath, "Ryan, I..."

         Ryan leaned down, cupping Brendon's face in his hands. He closed his eyes, pressing his lips softly against Brendon's. He felt Brendon go stiff, then relaxing and wrapping his arms behind his neck, moving his lips slowly along with Ryan's. Brendon pulled his head away, not moving anything else. Brendon looked into Ryan's eyes.

         "Ryan, I love you."

         Ryan smiled, "I know, Bren. I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes Chapter 9!! Hey, look past me! I really dID update it on a Sunday! I don't think you guys understand how proud I am wow. I'm probably proud of this chapter, too. Anyways, I hope to hear from you wonderful people again next Sunday! I still really love comments of all kinds, so please don't be afraid to send (unless of course it's intended to be rude af then don't bother and keep it to yourself thanks)!! See y'all in Chapter 10 next Sunday!!


	10. Stay The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Christmas, still talking, still people, still the same. Just only with an added problem or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!! A chapter on a Saturday?? This is something new. I hope you guys liked this chapter since it's 4:16 AM and I'm just uploading it haha. You guys are the best, wow. Thanks for sticking with me this far since 10 chapters are a lot. Double digits and all. I hope you guys have a good weekend!!

         "So," Ryan held Brendon close, "what about Sarah?"

         Brendon looked up, "I don't know."

         "I don't want to hurt her or anything."

         "It's going to one way or another."

         "Still. One's worse than the other."

         Brendon shrugged, "I'll figure something out. Just give me some time to figure stuff out, please."

         "Take all the time you need."

         "Thanks," he rolled his eyes.

         "I was being serious, dingus," he poked him on the nose.

         "In that case, I now pronounce my thanks as a serious thank you."

         Ryan smiled, "Serious thank yous are cool."

         "Just like you."

         "Sappy."

         " _Also_ like you."

         "Yeah yeah," Ryan laughed, "we'll see who's sappy sooner or later. Or we could just look back a moment ago and find our answer."

         "I'm afraid that I may have faked it," Brendon sang.

         "Sappy times two."

         "Whatever," he laughed.

         "Giving up that easily? I never thought I'd see the day."

         "Nah, just leaving it for tonight," Brendon grinned, "hey, you still got that paper you stole from me?"

         "Maybe."

         "Seriously, though."

         "Yeah. It's on my nightstand. I still didn't read it, you know."

         "Don't."

         "I won't, don't worry about it."

         Brendon looked away, staring back at the water. "It's nice, isn't it?"

         "It's pretty. But I've seen prettier."

         "Like?"

         "I would say it, but I'm not gonna."

         "Look who's sappy now," he chuckled.

         "Still you," Ryan kissed the tip of his nose, "we should probably get going. I don't think they've really noticed anything, but just in case."

         "I get ya," Brendon grabbed his hand and walked back up towards the slope, "I'm tired, anyways."

         "I told you you should've slept with me, so that's your fault," he rolled his eyes, swinging their hands lightly.

         "Then  _you_ wouldn't've woken up."

         "That's the price you would've had to take."

         "Well, it's too late now."

         He chuckled, "Still too bad."

* * *

         "Ryan."

         "Spencer," he mimicked his friend.

         "Ryan."

         "Spencer."

         "Ryan."

         " _What?"_

         "Can Jon and I stay with you tonight? Brendon and Sarah are staying here with Gabe and we wanna stay with you."

         "No problem. Just letting you know now that we're staying late, though."

         "Not a problem."

         "Like,  _late_ late. Super late. You still okay with that?"

         "We'll probably pass out or something, but yeah, I don't mind and I'm pretty sure Jon doesn't."

         "Okay, cool then," Ryan smiled at him.

         "Yoooooooooooo, Ryannnnnnnn," Gabe dragged out the two words, walking in from around the corner.

         "Gabeyyyy Babyyyyy," he rolled his eyes.

         "What ever happened to that one bassist dude guy. Wasn't it, like, Braydon Wisconsin?"

         Ryan held back a laugh, "Brent Wilson?"

         "Yeah, what's his name?"

         "Brent Wilson."

         "Exactly. What's up with him?"

         He paused, looking over at Spencer who just shrugged, "I don't know. I honestly don't."

         "Too bad. He was nice before the band," Spencer leaned back.

         "I don't miss him at all," Brendon walked in with Jon, "scoot over, Ryan."

         "I felt bad a little for kicking him out. I mean, it was over the damn phone for crying out loud," he moved over so Brendon could sit beside him, Jon taking the empty seat in front of them.

         "Hey, at least  _you_ weren't the one breaking the news to him," Spencer rolled his eyes.

         "I guess."

         "He made us give him credit for something he didn't take part in, why would you feel bad about that?"

         "Well, I mean, he brought us all together. That's something."

         "Yeah. Still."

         "All I wanted to know was about what happened to him," Gabe laughed.

         "Hmm," Ryan looked down, "I wonder what's up."

         "Probably working a 9-10 shift at some local supermarket, going home to find nothing but leftovers and living with a small income, only enough to eat and pay bills," Brendon shook his head, upset.

         "Possibly," Ryan shrugged.

         "Jon was way better," Spencer shrugged.

         "Dallon's pretty good, too," Brendon leaned back.

         "Thanks!" he shouted from the kitchen, making Brendon laugh.

         "Any time!" he yelled back.

         "I was the best, though," Jon smiled.

         "100% yes," Ryan agreed.

         "I don't know, Jon and Dallon are pretty tied for me," Brendon shrugged.

         "Same here," Spencer said. "Although I do like Jon better," he raised his voice so Dallon could hear him.

         "I'm offended," Dallon yelled back.

         "Yeah. I know you're offended. Because you're a little bitch," Spencer wiggled his eyebrows at Brendon.

         "Sounds an awful lot like something somebody has tweeted me before, I don't know man," he laughed.

         "I know, right?" Brendon nudged Spencer.

         "Probably déjà vu," he shrugged.

         "Probably," Brendon rolled his eyes.

         "Whatever he's up to, I hope he's happy," Ryan said.

         "Couldn't care less," Brendon leaned his head on Ryan's shoulder.

         Gabe raised an eyebrow at Ryan, making him look over at Brendon and then back at Gabe, "I forgot to tell you, I owe you ten bucks."

         "I'd like it by tomorrow. Swing by my place, I'm not coming to you," he gave him a smug look and leaned over to Jon. "I'm ten dollars richer now," he loudly whispered to him.

         "Not yet. You're still ten dollars poorer than you were in the future," Ryan told him.

         "What's all this about ten dollars?" Brendon asked, rubbing his eyes. God, was he adorable when he's tired.

         "We made a bet is all," Ryan rubbed Brendon's arm lightly.

         "About?"

         "Back when you hated him," Gabe said nonchalantly, "he said you wouldn't ever like him again and I bet him ten bucks you would. Now I  _will_ be ten dollars richer."

         Brendon sat up from Ryan's shoulder and pushed him away, getting up. "Oh God, I hate you so damn much," he winked at Ryan.

         He threw his hands up in defence, getting at what he was hinting at, "What did  _I_ do?"

         " _You_ made the bet," he pointed a finger at him.

         " _Gabe_ made the bet. I just wanted his ten dollars."

         "Well, looks like you'll be getting his ten dollars after all," he marched out of the room.

         Ryan looked down then at Gabe, "So when am I getting my ten dollars?"

         Gabe pulled a ten out of his pocket, handing it over to Ryan. Just as Ryan reached out towards it, Gabe snatched it back and put it back into his pocket. "Nice try, Brendon."

         He walked back into the room. "I tried, Ryan."

         "Thanks, but losing ten dollars means nothing to me if it means that you like me again."

         "Awe, thanks Ryan," Brendon sat back down again, placing his head back on Ryan's shoulder. "Sappy," he whispered.

         Ryan laughed and pulled him closer, Spencer making kissey faces at them. "It's not like that," Ryan rolled his eyes at him, lying.

         "Yeah. Not yet at least," Gabe leaned back and winked at Jon.

         "What?" Jon asked.

         "Next it's you and Spencer."

         "Oh, we're already down with that," Jon rolled his eyes.

         "Totes. Come here, Jonny Baby," Spencer reached his hands out, waiting for Jon to move towards him.

         Jon sat on Spencer's lap and kissed his cheek, Spencer winking at Gabe.

         "If there's a future we want it now," Gabe sang.

         "I heard our song, who sang our song?" Hayley shouted from the hall.

         "I swear to God, how do you people hear these things?" Gabe laughed.

         Hayley walked in and looked at Ryan and Brendon, Jon and Spencer, and then Gabe. "How cute," she said, "you called it, Gabe."

         "I don't even have to write a story about them, it's already happening," he laughed.

         "Shut up, Gabe," Ryan blushed.

         "Never."

         "Seriously, though. Was it you who sang it?" she looked at Gabe.

         "No," he said.

         "Yes," they all said.

         "I better watch out, then, or you'll probably replace me," she teased.

         "'gabe from Paramore' will be my new Twitter display name. Prefect."

         "And your handle will be leirbagsaporta. Better let Taylor and Jeremy know about this."

         "I like the sound of that. It has been settled. I am no longer part of Cobra Starship as of now and joining Paramore as the lead singer. Hayley, on a scale of 1-10 how well can you play the garbage can?"

         "1 because I can't play the garbage can if I'm always in it," Hayley joked.

         "Awe, my sweet little dumpling. You're not the trash in the garbage can," Taylor walked in, "there's not enough space inside of it for you since it's filled with all of the other garbage," he gestured to everybody in the room, "so you're forced to sit out on the curb while all the other pieces of trash are having fun without you."

         "Thanks, Taylor. That really means a lot to me," she laughed.

         "Retweet," Gabe air-poked him from across the room.

         He laughed. "Blocked," he air-poked him back.

         Gabe gasped, "What did I ever do to you? What are you doing?"

         "I'm taking out the trash," he winked.

         Hayley started laughing her head off. "You guys are the best, I swear."

         "Tell me again," Gabe smiled.

         "Nah, I don't feel like it."

         "S'fine because I got it on recording anyways," Gabe shook his phone.

         "Did you really?" she asked.

         "No," he shook his head with a grin. She gave him a look and he tossed her his phone, "check for yourself."

         "Anyways, I came to say bye since we're leaving," Taylor said as he waited for Hayley to finish.

         "Oh yeah, I forgot that was why I came in."

         "Nice one," Taylor said.

         "Thanks," she got up, tossing his phone back.

         Jeremy walked in just then, "Merry Christmas again, I'll see you guys soon! Thanks for having us, Gabe."

         "Yeah, no problem! Drop by whenever," he smiled.

         They nodded, waving bye to them. "Later!" Taylor said as they walked out.

         "So," Gabe looked over at Ryan and Brendon, "is this actually something? Be serious. I won't tell anybody if it is. Not sure about those idiot over there, but I won't."

         "Hey, I won't tell and neither will the idiot sitting on me," Spencer chimed in.

         "Neither will the idiot sitting on him," Jon agreed.

         "It's not that we don't wanna tell you guys," Ryan said, "it's just that we're not sure what we're going to do."

         "You know, what with Sarah and all. I still have to figure out everything," Brendon added.

         "That's fine, we get it," Gabe told them.

         "Great. Thanks for understanding," Ryan smiled.

         "Yeah, no problem. It's really cool, though," Jon grinned.

         "We called it," Spencer told Gabe.

         "We really did."

         Brendon yawned, covering his face with the sleeves of his thin light gray sweater, making Ryan yawn just by watching him. Brendon snuggled into Ryan's shoulder ever more, closing his eyes. Ryan grinned a bit and pulled Brendon up from the couch, "Guess who's up past their bedtime."

         "Me," Brendon said quietly.

         "Apparently so," he smiled. "I'll be back," he told them.

         They nodded as Ryan walked away with a sleepy Brendon. He lead him all the way down the hall towards the guest room, walking in it and closing the door. "The bathroom's there," he told him, "go change."

         "Yeah yeah," Brendon waved his hand back, yawning again.

         He took his bag with him, pulling off his sweater and throwing it to the ground, closing the door behind him. Ryan waited until Brendon came back out, this time coming out without black skinny jeans and a white t-shirt but instead fuzzy blue and black pyjamas on. He threw his bag down and shuffled towards Ryan. He buried his face in his chest, leaving his arms at his sides. Ryan wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed the top of his head lightly. Brendon yawned once again and tried to bury his face deeper into Ryan's chest.

         "You yawn a lot," he rubbed his back.

         "You talk a lot," he said quietly.

         Ryan chucked lightly, "You're adorable."

         "You're sappy."

         "You're going to bed."

         "You're going to bed with me."

         "I have no problem with that."

         Brendon looked up at him, kissing the tip of his nose, "Great because you had no choice."

         Ryan smiled, Brendon leading him towards the bed. He threw the blankets back and climbed in. He was about to pull Ryan down with him, but then pushed him back up.

         "What?" he asked.

         "I have extra pyjamas in my bag. You can use them if you want."

         "I have no choice, do I?"

         "Not since you're going to be staying the night."

         Ryan rolled his eyes, "Who said I was?"

         "I did."

         "Can't argue with that," he walked over to Brendon's bag and took it into the bathroom with him. He unzipped the bag as soon as he closed the door and pulled out a white shirt and another pair of fuzzy pyjama bottoms, this time in black. He took off his current green shirt and put the white one on. "Thanks for the tight shirt, Brendon," he pulled it down. He then did the same with his black jeans, replacing them with Brendon's black fuzzies. He zipped the bag back up and opened the door, turning the light off behind him. He threw the bag back down onto the same area as before, making his way back over to Brendon, whom was passed out on top of the covers. Ryan rolled his eyes and pulled them out from underneath him.

         "Boo," Brendon looked up.

         "So scary," Ryan smiled.

         "Did I trick you?"

         "Yeah. I thought you were actually asleep."

         "Nope. I didn't want to miss the unveiling of you in my clothes. You look hot, by the way," he wiggled his eyebrows.

         "We used to do this a bit, Bren," he smiled, "and that's weird. I don't think so. Is the shirt even supposed to be this tight?"

         "Yes and yes."

         Ryan rolled his eyes and walked towards the light switch.

         " _Wait,_ " Brendon stopped him.

         He turned back around to face him, "What?"

         "Don't turn it off yet."

         "Why?" he asked, slowly reaching towards the light.

         "Because I want to look at you more."

         "No. You can do that later. Sleep."

         "No,  _now,_ " he tried to grab Ryan from halfway across the room.

         Ryan sighed, "Brendon-"

         "Please?" he pouted.

         He let out a soft huff, "Fine."

         "Thank you," he smiled as Ryan walked back towards him. He waited until Ryan got close to him before he moved to the end of the bed. Brendon sat on his own legs, trying to get to Ryan's height. He ran his hand through Ryan's hair, resting his other arm on his shoulder.

         Ryan looked at his eyes as Brendon studied the movement of Ryan's everything, looking at all of his imperfections and tiny improvements.

         "Your hair's nicer than I remember," he ran his hand through it again, slowly.

         "It's the only thing I like about myself," he shrugged.

         Brendon stopped and looked him straight in the eyes, his whole expression going serious. "It shouldn't be."

         "Well, it is."

         "Throw that negativity in the trash, dude, I don't want that anywhere  _near_ you, you understand?"

         "I'll try."

         "Don't try.  _Do_."

         Ryan reached a hand up to Brendon's and intertwined their fingers. Brendon pulled his hand away and shook his head.

         "Nope. I need that hand now. I'm done with your hair."

         Ryan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, letting Brendon continue with his examination.

         Brendon lightly cupped Ryan's face, stoking his thumbs on Ryan's cheeks, down to his lips. He ran a finger along Ryan's nose, placing the other hand behind his neck. He took his hand away from his face and placed it under his chin, lightly pulling him closer into a kiss. He pulled back, looking into Ryan's eyes, yet not actually looking  _into_ his eyes. He looked at the warm colour of brown they were, the shape, the emotion. He just wasn't looking at them as a sense of communication. Ryan blushed lightly, making Brendon smile. He pulled him back into a kiss, leaning back a little. "I can get used to this," Brendon smiled, pulling away and looking at him. "You're adorable," he whispered, making Ryan blush again. "I could do this all day," he chucked, "but I won't because I'm tired and having way too much fun with this." He ran his hands down the sides of his neck, leaving a trail of kisses behind on one side. Ryan held back a breath, Brendon stopping at his collarbone. He ran his hands all over Ryan's torso, getting a sense of the area. He could easily feel Ryan since the fabric was tight enough to get a sense of the actual thing. Ryan looked down at him, watching curiously and trying to pick up on his thoughts. "The shirt's perfect on you. If I didn't like it so much I probably would've given it to you." _  
_

"Thanks," Ryan grinned lightly.

         Brendon nodded and moved on to his hands. He picked up one of Ryan's hands and brought it up to his mouth, kissing it lightly. Ryan chuckled lightly, making Brendon smile. He played with his fingers, moving them up and down, kissing the tips of each one. He gently let Ryan's hand down and moved back, looking him up and down.

         "Now can I turn off the lights?" Ryan asked.

         "Wait," Brendon finished scanning his body, "now you can."

         "Great," Ryan smiled. He walked towards the light switches once more, turning them off. He walked back towards the bed, leaving the door closed. He climbed into the bed, pulling the sheets over both of them. He was instantly greeted with Brendon wrapping his arms around him, burying his face back into Ryan's chest, yawning once more. Ryan smiled and kissed the top of his head, Brendon intertwining their legs together. He felt the warmth of Brendon staring to flood into him. Once Brendon finally got comfortable and started to drift off to sleep, Ryan spoke up softly. "I love you, Brendon. So very very much." He felt Brendon smile up against him, mumbling something almost inaudible to the human ears, but not quite.

         "I love you so much more," he said.

         "Impossible," he stroked his messy hair.

         He felt Brendon drift off to sleep, smiling. Ryan closed his eyes, deciding that leaving wouldn't be the best thing to do at this point, although nothing really was. He heard the door creek open gently, Hearing whispering.

         "Yeah, I'm pretty sure he said he was coming back," Gabe slowly walking in, swatting his hand back after seeing the two asleep, or at least that's what he thought. "Wait, stop."

         "What? Why?" Pete asked.

         "They're sleeping, keep your voice down."

         "Sorry," Pete whispered.

         Brendon rubbed his face up against Ryan, sighing.

         "That's adorable, you can't lie," Pete poked his head out from behind Gabe.

         "Incredibly. But you do know we're just as bad as them for wanting this to happen, right?" Jon whispered to them.

         "Yeah, and that's the sad part," Pete shook his head.

         "They'll figure something out," Spencer whispered, "they always did when they were together."

         It all went silent for a moment. Ryan continued to rub Brendon's back, curious as to what they were doing. A flash went off, instantly answering his question.  _Dinguses_.

         "Okay, enough pictures now. Let's leave them be, we don't want to wake them up," Pete said, the sound of his phone slipping back into his pocket filling the room.

         "You were the only one taking a picture, you oaf," Gabe smacked him lightly.

         "Whatever," Pete chuckled quietly.

         They all exited the room quietly after that. "Please, God, let them find some way to make this work. I haven't seen either of them this happy in a while," Spencer whispered, looking back at them before closing the door.

         Ryan looked down at Brendon, kissing the top of his head once more, "We will find a way. We always did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes Chapter 10!! Thanks again for sticking with me and my bad writing for this long ayy you guys are super cool thank you sooooo much. I'll see you guys next weekend!!


	11. Love Is But A Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once you think you've solved your problem, more problems come right back at you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hey hello back to uploading not-on-Sundays I see. Oops. Sorry about that, it was a busy week/end again. If my schedule isn't busy this week (which it probably will be since there're so many projects coming up omg) I'll hopefully be able to get chapter 12 up in time, but we'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for understanding!

         Ryan rolled over, eyes fluttering open as the sun beamed down onto his face. He brushed his now-messy bangs out of his face and looked over, the bed empty. He guessed that Brendon and Sarah had already left.  _Too bad I didn't get to say bye,_ he thought, rubbing his eyes. He propped himself up, kicking his legs off to the side. He stretched and yawned, noticing the tight shirt that somehow fit him just right and black fuzzy pants Brendon forced him to wear the night before, remembering everything that happened that night. Ryan shook his head, reaching over to the nightstand where his phone lay. Just as he picked it up, he noticed a piece of paper that lay folded nicely underneath it, picking it up as well. He opened it up, not remembering him leaving paper with his phone.

 

          _Ryan,_

_Sorry for leaving without saying bye. You looked kinda cute so I left you be. Keep the shirt, I like it on you too much to take it back. Still ~~having second thoughts~~ thinking things over. Give me some time. Don't call me, I'll call you. Promise. So yeah, bye._

 

 

_Hey, also, keep that paper safe. You lose it and I'll kill you. I love you._

 

         Ryan rolled his eyes, smiling for a second before rereading the scratched out part. " _Still having second thoughts_ ," he read out loud. "Shit." He sat there for a moment, looking down at the words before him. " _I love you_ my ass," he folded the paper back up, putting it back on the dresser before getting off of Gabe's bed. He made his way back into the bathroom to get his clothes. He picked up his jeans, finding another note on top of them but no shirt.

 

          _Also, I took your shirt. Guess what you're wearing today, doll._

 

         Ryan shook his head.  _Great._  He let out a sigh, changing back into his jeans and throwing the pyjama bottoms over his shoulder. He walked out of the two rooms, taking the notes and his phone with him before finding the others. He walked into the living room, throwing the pants down onto the couch, tucking the notes into his jeans before making his way into the kitchen. He walked in, noticing everybody crowding around Pete.

         "Morning?" he said, making his way over to the cupboards.

         "Oh, morning, Ryan," Patrick looked over, sipping away at his tea.

         He opened them up, grabbing Gabe's special mug that he saved for Ryan whenever he'd go over and walking over to the coffee machine, "What's up?"

         "Nothing," Spencer said. Too fast.

         "Bullshit," he fake coughed.

         "Dude, you should really get that cough checked out," Gabe said.

         Ryan laughed, "Thanks. What are you guys looking at?"

         "Porn," Spencer replied, Patrick choking on his tea.

         He poured some of the coffee into his mug and walked over to the kitchen table, sitting beside Patrick and Andy. "Yeah, if by 'porn' you mean pictures Pete took."

         "Yeah. Of porn."

         "Of Brendon and me."

         They all looked up at the same time, Pete locking his phone quickly.

         "It was all Pete," Spencer raised his hands in defence.

         Ryan rolled his eyes and sipped away. "Chill. I'm not mad," he chuckled.

         "You saw the pictures when you walked in, didn't you?" Pete accused him.

         "Nope. Not even close."

         "Then how? You guys were asleep," he asked, Jon elbowing him.

         "Nah. Just Brendon. Oh, and turn off your flash next time, dingus," he winked.

         "So you heard everything, then," Spencer stated.

         Ryan looked over, pausing, "Yeah... Yeah, I did."

         Spencer opened his mouth, Pete interrupting him, "Nice shirt. You look hot."

         He laughed, "Brendon stole my shirt."

         "Brendon also stole something else, but he made us promise not to tell," Spencer added.

         "That was supposed to be a secret, man," Gabe hissed.

         "Too late now," Spencer shrugged, Gabe shoving him playfully in response.

         "Now I'm interested."

         "You'll just have to wait and see, then."

         "Great," he sipped again.

         "So, what? Did he, like, just take your shirt off while you were sleeping or something and left you one of his or?" Pete chuckled.

         Ryan laughed, "Thank God no. He forced me to wear his extra pyjamas."

         "Loser. Who carries an extra pair of pyjamas?" Pete joked.

         "Brendon, apparently," Gabe chuckled lightly, "you guys are cute, though, so it's fine."

         Ryan blushed lightly, taking another sip.

         "Super cute," Spencer said in a high voice.

         He stuck out his tongue at Spencer, placing his mug down.

         "Poor Sarah," Patrick looked down, making everybody look over at him, "I mean, don't get me wrong, it is adorable and all, but I just feel bad for her, you know? Does she even know about it?"

         "I don't know. Maybe. How'd you guys even keep her from finding out?"

         "She and Erin had a movie thing going on in the living room all night after everybody left. Lucky, huh?" Gabe shrugged.

         "Yeah, extremely. I don't think either of us would've been ready for that."

         "Forget you and Brendon," Pete said, "imagine how awkward it would've been on  _us._ Like, 'Oh yeah, surprise. We knew your husband was falling for his ex-band member before you.'"

         "Nobody wins," Ryan picked his mug back up, taking another sip before finishing it off.

         Everybody silently finished off their breakfast before putting it into the sink, leaving it for Gabe to clean up later.

         "You wanna see the pictures?" Pete asked, finally breaking the silence.

         Ryan shrugged, "Sure."

         He unlocked his phone, handing it to Ryan. He looked at them, smiling. The flash in the dark made the photos look faded, yet clearly seeing the two cuddled up next to each other. He exited the photos and went to Pete's messages, selecting their chat and sending them to himself before exiting and locking his phone once again. He handed Pete back his phone, getting up.

         "Thanks. You should be a photographer," he said sarcastically.

         "Don't give him any more ideas," Joe shook his head, making everybody laugh.

         "Sorry. Anyways, I'm going to get going. I've got things to do. Thanks a bunch, Gabe," he smiled.

         "No, thank  _you_ for helping me get everything ready. I really appreciate it."

         "Don't mention it. I'll see you guys around," he got up.

         Pete jumped out of his seat and hugged Ryan, "We're on your side, man."

         "For?" he patted his back awkwardly.

         "The whole Brendon think. We're cheering you on, dude."

         "Thanks," he smiled. "That means quite a bit to me," he tried escaping the hug, making Pete laugh.

         "No problem," he let go, "Merry Christmas once again."

         "Right back at you," he smiled, walking out of the room, collecting his things before leaving.

* * *

         Ryan pulled a dark brown box made to look like wood out of a plastic bag, placing it on his nightstand. He had just gone out to get a few things, deciding to pick a box up, too. He lifted the lid, placing the ripped paper in it along with the two new notes, closing it. He didn't want to lose the papers, but he didn't want them to get ruined or have somebody find them, either. Ryan placed the box underneath his bed, grabbing his guitar after making sure it was safe. He started strumming random chords, turning them into a song after a minute of playing. He quickly grabbed his phone and started to record the song he was making up, not wanting to forget the sound before he hit the studio. He finished recording it, locking it once more before playing it again. He played it again and again until words finally came out of his mouth. He had no idea what he would call it or even if he was going to release the song, but he didn't really bother with all of that during that moment. He sang and sang, repeating the words until his lungs gave out. Of course, that didn't stop him, though. He still sang and played, liking the way all of this was turning out. Midway through his tenth plus time of replaying it, he found himself halfway through one of his old songs from when he was still in his old band, the song entitled Northern Downpour. He stopped, looking down at the ground blankly. He put the guitar down beside him, lying down and closing his eyes.  _Great._ He breathed in, holding his breath for a second before breathing back out. He continued to lay there, eyes still closed. The only difference was that his hands were now rubbing his face. His phone rang, taking his time to pick it up. He didn't recognize the number so her just threw it back down beside him and continued to rest. The phone finally stopped ringing, Ryan breathing as calmly as ever. The phone rang again, making him groan, "I can't even have two minutes of silence, can I?" He picked up the phone, the same number as before, " _What?_ "

         "Awe, does my little muffin need a hug?" Brendon asked over the phone.

         He breathed out, "Sorry. What's up, Bren? How'd you get my number, anyways?"

         "I stole it from your phone," he told him, "you should really make your password harder, you know. The four corners aren't exactly what I'd call ''Top Secret.''"

         Ryan laughed, feeling a little less moody, "Good to know. I'm guessing you didn't call me just to give me a lesson on my password, though."

         "No, not exactly," Brendon's tone of voice changed from happy to serious, making Ryan nervous. He didn't say anything, making Brendon speak up after not getting a response, "Ryan, darling, we need to talk."

         "O-okay..." he gulped, going through the worst possible situations in his mind.

         Brendon sighed, probably hearing the worry in his voice, "Listen, babe, it's about Sarah."

         "She didn't find out, did she?" he sat up.

         "No no no, not at all. It's just..."

         Ryan looked blankly down at his free hand, not really paying any attention to anything else but Brendon's voice.

         "I-I... Ryan, I don't know what to do," his voice cracked slightly.

         "Hey, Bren, don't cry, okay? You'll figure something out.  _We'll_ figure something out. It's not a big deal, please don't worry about it, sweetheart."

         "No, but, I, the note," he stopped, "you did get the note, right?"

         "Yeah, I did."

         Brendon went silent, probably meaning one out of the two things:

  1. Sarah's in the room
  2. He knew Ryan read what he had scratched out



         He didn't hear any talking, though, only faint breathing, so his best guess was that it was the second option.

         "Ryan.."

         "It's fine. Really, it is. I just don't think that ''I love you'' really meant anything," he told him.  _Should've known better, though. He only really told me last night._

         "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to worry you."

         "Too late for that," he said quietly.

         "I really am sorry, I mean it. How can I make it better?"

         "You can't make it better, I can't force you to do anything. This is all on how you feel about this and neither of us can change that."

         "Please, just hear me out-"

         "Just think it over, Brendon.  _I_ love you, and that's the truth."

         "I love-"

         "Don't even bother with that just yet. Call me back when you've figured things out."

         "Wait, Ryan-" he hung up, silencing his phone and slipping it into his pocket.

         Ryan got up and made his way over to the door, putting on his shoes and leather jacket, grabbing his keys and stepping out. "Hopefully Dan's free. Well, he is now."

* * *

         "Yeah! And literally his wall  _fell_ down! Like, how does that even happen?" Ryan laughed as he and Dan were making their way back up to his place.

         "Are you being serious?" Dan laughed along with him, "That's complete bullshit!"

         "Hah, I wish! Not much of a blow in his budget, mind you, but that shit was hilarious."

         "Poor guy, huh?" he chuckled.

         "Yeah, but oh well," they stepped out of the elevator and made their way down the hall, "It was still funny. Especially when you were there yourself."

         "Dude, that sounded amazing. You got pictures?"

         "Yeah, totally. I'll show them to you as soon as we get in."

         "Cool," he chuckled, pausing for a second, "hey, Ryan? What's that guy doing sitting in front of your place?"

         Ryan looked up and stopped. "I don't know," he told him.

         He walked a little faster, approaching his place and the man who's head was buried in his hands, making Ryan sigh a bit.

         "Isn't that-"

         "Yeah yeah, just hold on a second," Ryan told Dan. They got to the end of the hall, Ryan kneeling down. "Brendon? What're you doing here?" he placed his hand on his knee.

         He looked up at him, "I came to make things right."

         Ryan looked up at Dan, Brendon not even noticing that he was there until Ryan did so.

         "I should probably get going," Dan smiled, "tonight was cool, Ryan. Nice hanging with you again."

         "Yeah, same to you. I'll text you later, yeah?"

         "Totally," he waved as he walked away.

         Ryan took his hands lightly, standing up. "Come on," he looked down at him.

         Brendon nodded and got up, Ryan leading him inside. Ryan closed the door behind them, kicking off his shoes and not even bothering with his jacket, Brendon doing the same. Ryan lead them over to the couch, sitting them down.

         "You didn't have to come all this way over here, Brendon. It must have taken you hours just to get here."

         "Less if you're speeding," he smiled softly.

         "Dude, that's not safe. How much faster?"

         "Quite a bit faster, but I don't care."

         "We could've done this over the phone, darling."

         Brendon shook his head, "This felt more right."

         Ryan pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back in little movements. "What did you tell Sarah about coming here?" he whispered.

         "I told her the truth," he buried his eyes in Ryan's neck.

         "And she was okay with that?"

         "I guess. Probably not in the way that she thought, but I was still going to come over."

         "Well, thank you for that."

         "Anything for you," Brendon kissed his cheek.

         Ryan blushed, squeezing him lightly before pulling back, "So, what's going on?"

         "I've decided. I mean, I haven't given it much time to think it over, but I'm going with my gut feeling here."

         "Oh-okay. Whichever one you chose, I'm fine with it."

         Brendon smiled lightly, "No you wouldn't be."

         "Yeah. Probably not," he smiled back.

         Brendon sighed softly, looking down at their hands. "Ryan, I love Sarah. But I'm also in love with you. I have been for quite a while now. This was extremely hard to choose, considering I'd given myself less than a day to figure it out... Even  _then_ I'm still not sure. I love you both so so much, and I pray to God I'm making the right decision here." He took a big breath, "Ryan, I'm leaving Sarah."

         Ryan looked at Brendon, then down at their hands, his eyes tearing up a bit.

         "Hey, sweetheart? Are you alright?" he cupped his face, brushing them away from his eyes.

         "I never meant for this to happen," he whispered.

         "Did I make the wrong choice?" Brendon asked, worried.

         "No. No, I don't know... I'm extremely happy, like _really really_ happy. It's just that I just never wanted to hurt anybody, you know?"

         "Yeah," Brendon sighed, "yeah, I know."

         He lay down, pulling Ryan down on top of him. He hugged him tightly, Ryan feeling the warmth of him flooding his body with happiness. Ryan felt Brendon kiss the top of his head, wrapping his arms around Ryan's waist. He didn't realize until that moment how tired he actually was. He nuzzled his head into Brendon's chest, resting his arms beside Brendon's head. Brendon chuckled lightly to himself, lifting Ryan and himself up.

         "There's a bed for that, baby," he pecked his lips.

         "Does it really matter?" he wrapped his arms around his neck.

         "Not really," Brendon nuzzled his nose against Ryan's neck, "but this time it's _my_  turn to put  _you_  to bed."

         "Fine," he sighed happily.

         He smiled, lifting Ryan up off the couch and leading them into Ryan's bedroom. Ryan smiled as he chose random pyjamas that he had and threw them at Brendon, grabbing another for himself. He turned back around to find Brendon already changing, making Ryan roll his eyes.

         "What?" Brendon smiled, shirt off, "it's not like we're naked. Even then I still wouldn't care. That's hot."

         "Dingus," he smiled at him, not even bothering to change with his closet door closed.

         "Still hot," Brendon wrapped his arms around his waist from behind him.

         "Let go of me, you dork," Ryan swatted at his hands.

         Brendon took the shirt in his hands. "Fine," he grinned, throwing it behind him.

         "I've still got more shirts," he smiled.

         "And I can still get rid of them," Brendon crossed his arms, smirking.

         Ryan rolled his eyes, "It's pointless arguing with you, isn't it?"

         "Totes," Brendon kissed him, "put on the pants. Sleeping in jeans are uncomfortable."

         "Of course, your Highness," he fake bowed.

         He finished changing, Brendon taking his guitar off of the bed. He noticed the nightstand, looking over at it, Ryan knowing what he was looking for.

         "It's not there anymore," Ryan told him, "I put it in a secret safe place."

         "Where is it?" Brendon asked.

         "If I told you then it wouldn't be much of a secret anymore," he turned off the lights, making his way towards the bed.

         "You still haven't read it, right?"

         "Nope. Not gonna. At least not for a long while," they climbed in, Ryan yawning.

         "Great," Brendon pulling him back down into the same position they were in on the couch.

          Ryan closed his eyes for a second before having a thought. He looked up at Brendon, who so happened to be looking down at him while stroking his hair. "Do you think we should be doing this while you're still with Sarah? I mean, don't you think it's wrong?"

         "I'm ''going to Hell because I'm gay'' anyways, remember?" he said sarcastically.

         "Yeah, super gay," he pecked his lips, "I love you."

         Brendon lifted his chin, kissing him back. He pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Ryan lifted himself, Brendon moving his hand down his back slowly, tugging on his pants. Ryan chuckled breathlessly, smiling into the kiss. He pulled away, leaning down to his ear. "We'll save that for another night, sweetheart," he whispered.

         Brendon pouted playfully, "Promise?"

         "Of course, baby."

         "I'll remember that," he winked, pulling Ryan back down onto him.

         Ryan snuggled back up into Brendon's chest, Brendon pulling the blankets over them. As soon as he lay back down, he felt like he was going to pass out. He had no idea on what time it was, but he knew it was late.

         "Get some sleep, sugar," he kissed his head, making Ryan sigh. Just as Ryan was about to drift off, Brendon said in a low, tired and quiet voice "l love you, too. More than anything." He squeezed him lightly one last time before Ryan fell asleep.

         As badly as he didn't want to admit it, Ryan hadn't felt this happy in a  _long_ time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it!! Chapter 11 everyone!! You all are super cool for sticking with me for the double digits wowie. This chapter dOes have and inside joke ((the part where Ryan and Dan talk about the falling wall is something between my best friend and I)) and it dOes have a reference to my favourite movie ((The World's End: where Andy Knightly [in this case Ryan] says to Gary King [in this case Brendon] "It's pointless arguing with you, isn't it?" and then there's this other part where Gary says "Totes" so ayy movie references)). I hope y'all liked it ((I mean, you better since it's 3 AM on a school night haha)). Have a good week, guys!


	12. You've Got A Little Something There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food and more decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello welcome back!! I'm actually really sorry that I didn't get this up sooner. I had a big project to do this weekend and blah research and food planning and stuff. Anyways, again, sorry about that. The Christmas break is coming up so I'm planning on getting more than one chapter done per week ((just don't take my word on it if it doesn't work out please)). Thank you for putting up with my lateness every weekend haha.

         Ryan rolled over, his eyes fluttering open. He tiredly rubbed the sleep away from his eyes, yawning in the process. He let out a relaxed breath, noticing Brendon still sleeping beside him. He chuckled to himself as he noticed that Brendon kicked the blankets off of himself, curled up at the edge of the bed. Ryan gently rolled him closer to himself, pulling the blankets over Brendon and tucking him back in. He wrapped his arm around him, not wanting to let him go. He listened as Brendon softly mumbled words to himself up into Ryan's chest. He smiled because damn was that not the cutest thing ever. Ryan felt as Brendon rubbed his face into him, letting out a light sigh. He looked down at him, rubbing his back softly. Brendon sighed again, this time looking up at Ryan.

         "Hi," he let out in a small voice.

         "Hello," Ryan kissed his nose.

         Brendon rubbed his eyes and smiled, pecking Ryan on the lips. "How long have you been awake?"

         "Not too long," he said. "You almost fell off the bed."

         "Sounds like me," Brendon snuggled back into him.

         Ryan chucked, rubbing his back again. There was a minute or two of silence, both of them collecting their thoughts. "You hungry?" Ryan pulled away.

         Brendon rolled onto his stomach, stuffing his face into the pillow, "Totes."

         He rolled his eyes, sitting up, "Pancakes?"

         "Pancakes," he repeated.

         "Sure thing," he got off the bed, picking up one of his shirts from the ground.

         "Put that shirt back down, mister," Brendon pointed back at him, head still in the pillow.

         Ryan laughed, "Nah."

         He wiggled his finger at him, this time lifting his head up, "Don't make me physically make you."

         "Is that a challenge?" he crossed his arms.

         "It will be if you don't put that shirt back down."

         Ryan lifted the shirt over his head, making Brendon jump out of the bed and grabbing the shirt from him.

         "No shirts," he told him.

         "Yes shirts," Ryan grabbed it back.

         Brendon wrapped his arms around him, pressing himself against his body, " _No shirts._ "

         "No shirts," Ryan said quietly.

         "Great," Brendon smiled, grabbing the shirt once more, "no shirts."

         He rolled his eyes, peeling Brendon off of him, "Until breakfast."

         "Until never."

         "Until after breakfast."

         "Until I leave. Deal or no deal?"

         "No deal."

         "Too bad, that's the wrong answer."

         "Too bad for  _you,_ " Ryan poked his nose.

         "No shirts," Brendon pouted.

         "I would've been half way done by now if you just let me wear the shirt in the first place. I'm going to wear the shirt."

         Brendon threw the shirt back onto the bed, clearing his throat and singing a, "No."

         Ryan sighed, turning back around to make his way into the kitchen, "You win."

         " _Yes,_ " Brendon said to himself.

         "For now."

         "We'll see," he followed behind him.

         Ryan opened the cupboards, grabbing the ingredients to make the pancakes, "Anything special?"

         "You mean like you?"

         "Sappy."

         "Also like you!" he sat on the island.

         "Yeah yeah," he rolled his eyes, " _besides me._ "

         "Blueberries. Lots and  _lots_ of blueberries."

         "What's up with the blueberries?" Ryan chucked.

         "I dunno, I'm just really into blueberries at the moment."

         "Hmm, so blueberry pancakes it is."

         "Thank," he reached over for him.

         "Yeah yeah," Ryan grabbed the blueberries out of his fridge, placing them beside all of the other ingredients. He walked over to Brendon to shoo him off, Brendon refusing to budge and instead wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck. "Get off, dingus, I need that space."

         "You should join me, it's nice up here. Actually, wait, no, I like being taller than you. Stay down there."

         Ryan rolled his eyes, " _Barely_  taller. Off off."

         "No."

         "Then at  _least_ help me make them."

         Brendon beamed, "Okay."

         Ryan pulled him off the island, this time Brendon moving. He walked over to the pantry to grab two bowls and a pan, placing the pan on the stove and the two bowls on the island. He opened one of the drawers to grab the measuring cups, teaspoons and tablespoons needed for this project of theirs. When he turned back around he found Brendon eating the blueberries from the plastic box. He pulled them away, placing them back where the other ingredients were. "If you keep eating them there won't be anymore left."

         "Oh well," he shrugged.

         Ryan shook his head, smiling a little bit. He lifted his hand up to Brendon's face, wiping the corner of his mouth. "You got a little something there," he slid his hand back, pecking the spot where the blueberry stain was.

         Brendon laughed, "Can I have more blueberries then?"

         "Later," he turned back around, a little smile forming on his face.

         Brendon grabbed the flour and one of the measuring cups. He stuck his finger inside of the bag, swiping a line under his eyes with the flour, "Let's get messy."

         "Dork," Ryan rolled his eyes. He grabbed the cook book from the top of his fridge, flipping to the pancake recipe.

         "What do we need, lovely?"

         "1 3/4 cups of the flour," he nodded to the bag in Brendon's hands.

         "On it," he saluted him.

         Ryan chuckled, grabbing the bag of sugar and adding the two tablespoons needed of it into the bigger bowl. While Brendon was still trying to get the measurements right, he managed to add in the baking powder and baking soda as well.

         "Hey, Ry?" Brendon poured the flour back into the bag, "How much is 1 3/4 of a cup?"

         He rolled his eyes, moving closer and grabbing his hands to guide him. "One cup," he poured into the bowl. "And one," he added more to the cup, "two, three fourths."

         Brendon grinned as they dumped it in, "Cool."

         He nodded and smiled, moving back towards his own side. "Next is the salt. I don't trust you with the eggs."

         "And yet you trusted me with the flour."

         "What can I say? You needed to do  _something._ "

         "Whatever. Salt salt salt salt salt," he chanted.

         "Shut up," he groaned, passing him the table salt.

         "Thanks Ryan," he smiled.

         "No problem," he grabbed the eggs, cracking two of them and placing them into the second bowl.

         "Oops," he heard Brendon say from beside him.

         Ryan looked over and slapped his own face. " _Brendon,_ " he looked down at the salt that had been spilled all over the counter.

         "Guess we won't be fucking on that later," he winked, making Ryan groan again.

         Brendon gathered some of the spilled salt, dropping it into the bowl filled with the baking powder and soda, flour and the sugar. Ryan brushed away the rest of the mess, pouring it back into the container since the island was clean. As Ryan took out the milk and butter, Brendon's phone rang, making him go check to see who it was. It wasn't long until he was back; not even a minute had gone by.

         "It was Sarah. I'll call her back later."

         "You should probably call her back now," Ryan said as he peeled off the wrapping around the butter and putting it in a smaller pan that he had just gotten out and put on a stove.

         "But I'm having way too much fun with you," he shrugged, pouring the amount of milk needed into the bowl.

         "All the more reason to talk to her. Tone down the fun," he chuckled.

         "Nah. Later."

         "Fine, suit yourself. She'll probably be mad."

         "That's the price I'll have to pay. Worth it, though."

         "Better be," he melted the butter, turning the stove off once it was done and letting it cool down.

         Brendon grabbed the vanilla and lemon, putting them to the side. He made a well in the middle of the dry bowl, Ryan pouring the eggs and milk into the middle of it, adding half of the melted butter as well. Brendon stared to whisk it, Ryan adding in the vanilla and lemon zest, saving the blueberries for Brendon. As soon as he dropped some blueberries in, Ryan started to fold the batter, Brendon continuing to add more and more of the blueberries, deciding when  _he_ thought there were enough. Finally, everything was put together nicely so Ryan started to lightly oil the bigger pan. Brendon started to pour a little bit of the batter into the pan, making it as big as he possibly could. Ryan took the spatula and waited a few minutes as the bottom of the pancake goldened, quickly flipping it over as it readied. They both took turns adding the batter and flipping the pancakes, giving up on the whole rotation thing by the end of it and doing it together. When they put the last pancake onto the plate, they had about 8 big pancakes, turning everything off and putting everything away. Brendon grabbed the plates, forks and knives, bringing them over to the table. Ryan brought the plate of pancakes to the table as he waited for the coffee that he had just put in to be ready. He grabbed the mugs out of the cupboards, pouring the coffee into them once it was done. He brought them over and sat down in front of Brendon, placing the cup in front of him.

         "Thank you," he smiled, taking another blueberry from the bin.

         "You have enough blueberries in your pancakes already," he laughed.

         "You can  _never_ have enough blueberries," he fake gasped, cutting off a part of the pancake and eating it.

         "You're adorable," he shook his head, doing the same.

         "Thanks, I try," he shrugged.

         They ate their breakfast in silence, not saying much until they finished. They put their plates and mugs into the sink, Brendon washing them as Ryan dried.

         "Don't you have a dishwasher?" Brendon sighed.

         "Yeah but it's broken," he pointed beside himself.

         "Too bad."

         The doorbell rang, Ryan putting down the towel and walking towards the door.

         "Why do  _you_ get to leave clean-up duty?" Brendon pouted.

         "Because it's  _my_ place, dingus," he opened the door, Gabe standing in front of him.

         Gabe looked at his chest then back up at Ryan, "I'm guessing Brendon's here?"

         "Can't I not wear a shirt  _without_  Brendon having to be here?"

         "Yeah, no. That's not you," he walked in.

         "Come in," he rolled his eyes.

         "Thanks," Gabe stuck out his tongue, "yo, Brendon, where you at?"

         "Stuck with clean-up duty," he shouted from the kitchen.

         He spun around, "You put him on clean-up duty when it's your own home?"

         " _We_ were on clean-up duty. I just went to answer the door," he raised his voice so Brendon could hear.

         "Fun. Glad I didn't come earlier, then."

         "You should've," he chuckled.

         "So what's up?" Gabe asked, plopping down on the couch.

         "We just ate," Ryan told him.

         "No, not that. I was talking about the whole relationship thing," he laughed then paused, "but is there any food left?"

         "Yeah, if you wanna get stuck on clean-up duty like Brendon."

         "No thanks," he chuckled.

         Brendon walked out of the kitchen, "I'm not cleaning up anymore."

         "Awe, too bad. You were a good dish washer."

         "I'm married," he shrugged, "well, not for much longer."

         "Wait,  _what_ _?!"_ Gabe looked at him.

         "Oops," Brendon looked back at Gabe.

         "Since  _when?"_ he asked curiously.

         "Since I've decided yesterday," he shrugged.

         "And Sarah knows?"

         "Not exactly, no."

         Gabe leaned back, concentrated, "When are you going to tell her? Fuck, when were you going to tell  _us?"_

         "I dunno. Like I said, I've only decided yesterday."

         "I gotta tell the guys about this, damn," he pulled out his phone.

         " _No!"_ Ryan and Brendon both said.

         "Why not?"

         "Well," Brendon started, "I'd feel better if nobody knew for a while. Like,  _nobody_."

         Ryan nodded, "No friends, no family, no media,  _nothing._ "

         Gabe sighed, "Fine, but only if you promise to tell them soon."

         "How soon is soon?" Ryan asked.

         "A little after Brendon tells Sarah."

         Brendon looked down, "Then it may not be for a little while."

         "Dude, why not?"

         "I'm not exactly sure how to tell her. For crying out loud, we've only been married for a few _months._ "

         "That's like the easiest thing you could tell her, though, like, ''Hey, Sarah, I'm just not feeling it anymore. I'm into somebody else. Sorry,'' then just leave it at that."

         "Yeah, but-"

         "What else have you got planned, then?" Gabe crossed his arms.

         "See," Brendon turned towards Ryan, " _this_  is the reason I didn't tell any of them as soon as I made up my mind." _  
_

"Thanks," Gabe pouted.

         Brendon sighed, "I don't know, I guess you're right. How else would I break it to her?"

         The room went silent for a moment, Ryan speaking up, "How about telling her how you actually feel?"

         Brendon looked over, "Maybe. I could do both, in a sense. Just nothing too harsh."

         "Dude, what's more harsh than telling your wife that you're leaving her to be with your old band mate?" Gabe rolled his eyes.

         "What's more harsh than telling your wife that you're leaving her  _in general?"_ Ryan added.

         "Hey,  _you_ should be happy about this," Brendon pointed his finger at him.

         "Sorry. I am, but I feel bad," Ryan shrugged.

         "Don't we all?" Gabe sighed.

         "Yeah," Brendon sat on the couch.

         Ryan looked over at the window, not paying attention to what Gabe and Brendon were saying. He genuinely  _did_ feel bad. Really bad. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go through with this just by thinking about it more, making him blank out. A flock of birds flew across from his building, focusing on that instead.  _If only I was a bird. It doesn't seem like they have these types of problems._

         " _Ryan,_ " Brendon said sternly, making Ryan snap out of it and look at him.

         "Hmm?"

         "I said to come with me back to my place. We're going to tell Sarah."

         "Why do _I_ have to come?"

         "Because we thought it would've been better if you came, too. You're good with words and shit."

         Ryan sighed, "When do we go?"

         "Now."

         He looked over at the door then back at the two, "Fine. I'll go."

         "You had no choice in the matter, we would've forced you, anyways."

         "I'd like to see you try," Ryan huffed.

         "Challenge accepted," Gabe got up, throwing Ryan over his shoulder, "Brendon, get some shirts."

         "Already on it," he rushed into the bedroom, grabbing two of the shirts from the ground and racing out the door.

         "I din't _actually_ mean it," Ryan squirmed on Gabe's shoulder.

         "Too late," he laughed.

* * *

         Brendon parked the car in front of his house after hours of driving. He stepped out, Ryan getting out with him.

         "I'll be waiting," Gabe told them from the back seat.

         "Yeah yeah," Brendon said quietly.

         They closed the doors, making their way up to the front of his house. Ryan looked over at him, noticing Brendon fidgeting.

         "Hey, you'll be fine," he told him.

         "So you think," he pulled out the keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. They both stepped inside, Brendon taking a deep breath.

         "Brendon?" Sarah called from upstairs, rushing down the stairs to meet him. She stopped at the bottom and noticed Ryan with Brendon, making her smile a bit.

         "Hey," Brendon smiled sadly, "We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again sorry for the boring chapter haha I felt like if I added much of the Sarah thing into the chapter that it would've gone by too fast. So, like usual, it's been split up again. Sorry about that! Anyways, I hope you guys had an amazing November and that we have an even better December! Can't you believe how fast this year had gone by? It felt like just yesterday that I spent New Years with my Twitter friends and actual family wow like things really dO go by fast when you're waiting for something. Anyways, thank you guys for everything! You guys are the bees who who make the other bees jealous. Like wow, 200 hits aYy that's more than I ever would've thought this would've gotten! Thank you so so so much again! Also, comments of all sorts are still very much appreciated. Chapter 13 up next Sunday!!
> 
> ((The pancake recipe was a real recipe by the way. Here's where you can find it http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/trisha-yearwood/blueberry-pancakes-recipe.html))


	13. Hello Time Bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three M's: Making plans, moving in, and making up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hey hello I'm back!! Wow this one took a while to put up, I'm sorry. I've been sick all weekend and had another part of a project due the other day and like two tests in the past two days so sorry about that. Almost halfway to 300 hits wow you guys are amazing as frick double wow thanks so much!! Thanks for putting up with my lateness all the time oops. Enjoy the chapter!!

         "Hey," Brendon smiled sadly, "We need to talk."

         Sarah became serious, nodding, "Oh, okay, uh, sure." She gestured towards the living room.

         Brendon nodded over at Ryan. They had discussed the plan in the car with Gabe: Brendon would tell Sarah what was happening, Ryan would go get Brendon's stuff together and then when it came time, Gabe would go in and help Ryan with the stuff. Nobody really liked the plan but it was the only one they had. Brendon followed Sarah into the living room, Ryan walking towards the stairs, hesitant at first. He made his way up to their bedroom, throwing all of Brendon's clothes and items into one of the few suitcases he had ready to go. He took it and made his way into Brendon's office, grabbing his notebooks, sketches, drafts, and what he could bring of the electronics and stuffing them all into another one of the suitcases. He took his instruments and put them along side the other stuff, taking one last look around to see if he missed any stray item. Ryan took the two cases down the stairs, making his way back up for the instruments. Ryan opened the door, gesturing for Gabe to come in. They took the bags out to the car, fitting what they could in the trunk and the rest in the back seat. He made his way back in, waiting for Brendon. Minutes passed and Brendon had still not come out. Ryan moved towards the room, listening to see what was taking him so long.

         "Yeah, um, I figured," Sarah said quietly.

         Brendon stayed silent, Ryan not sure what was going on. Sarah chuckled, a hint of sadness in her voice.

         "What?" Brendon asked.

         "I like how it took you that long just to say it."

         Brendon laughed blankly, "Yeah, it did, didn't it?"

         They stayed silent for another few seconds, Sarah speaking up, "Well, thank you for telling me."

         "So, uh, y-you're fine with it?"

         "Of course not," Ryan guessed that Sarah probably rolled her eyes by her tone of voice, "but it makes you happy so I have to be _a little_  supportive."

         "You don't have to be. You shouldn't be."

         "Don't be daft, Brendon, that's my job. As your wife. One last time, at least. And it's your job, too."

         "Well, thank you. Really."

         "Why are you thanking me?"

         "I didn't expect you to have acted like this. If anything, it's not even _close_ to what I should've gotten. You've been more than kind to me, Sarah. Thank you."

         "Don't mention it. Literally."

         Brendon chuckled lightly, getting up. "I love you, Sarah," he hugged her.

         "Yeah... Me too," she hugged him back, "treat Ryan well. And good luck to you both."

         "That's my intention. And to you as well," he walked out of the room, meeting Ryan, "oh, and Sarah? Please don't mention it on anything or to anybody. Only friends if you have to."

         "No problem," she replied from the door.

         They walked out, making their way back to the car in silence. When they got in, Gabe leaned forward to meet both of them.

         "How'd it go?" he asked.

         Brendon stayed quiet for a second, letting out a big sigh before replying, "She's too amazing. I hope she finds somebody _way_  better than me."

         "I liked Sarah," Gabe leaned back, "but I also like Ryan."

         "Ryan's okay," Brendon lightly teased, starting the car and driving.

         "Yeah, Ryan's okay," Ryan agreed.

         "Sarah was cool. I'm sorry we made you go through with this, Brendon," Gabe sighed.

         "It's fine. It was the right thing to do instead of cheating."

         "More," Gabe added.

         "That was my fault," Ryan looked out the window.

         "Don't be stupid, if anything that was  _my_ fault," Brendon rolled his eyes.

         Everybody stayed silent for a few minutes, something they were all used to at this moment. To Ryan, it was even comforting. At least he didn't have to feel even more guilty with talking about it. Although he should have.

         "Well, here's to the future," Gabe spoke up.

         "To the future," Brendon nodded.

         They all drove back to Ryan's without another word.

* * *

         "We should go out," Gabe proposed, sprawled out on Ryan's couch.

         "What do you mean?" Brendon asked, coming back from the kitchen with a beer.

         " _Put that back,_ " Gabe demanded, "like for drinks and shit. Dinner seems fancy so maybe even that."

         Brendon raised his hands in defence, spinning back around into the kitchen.

         "Sounds cool. What for?" Ryan asked from the seat in front of Gabe.

         "In celebration. I mean, guessing that you and Brendon over there are now an official thing."

         "Nothing's official," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         " _Yet,_ " Brendon strolled back out of the kitchen, beer-free.

         "Can't wait," Gabe jokingly squirmed on the couch.

         "Maybe it won't be official," Ryan shrugged. "Maybe we won't be a thing," he said quietly to himself.

         They all stayed quiet for a second, not really sure how to respond to it at first. "I have a strong feeling it will be," Gabe shrugged back. "Anyways, dinner and drinks?"

         "I would say let's invite the guys, but it would take them a while to get here," Brendon sat on Ryan's lap, kicking his legs over the armrest.

         "Yeah, too bad," Ryan wrapped his arms around him, "we'll plan something out with them next time."

         "Great. Let's go," Gabe jumped up.

         "But we  _just_ got back," Ryan pouted.

         "The night is young, my friends," Gabe extended his arms out, gesturing to everything beside him and smiling, walking backwards towards the door.

         Brendon kissed Ryan's cheek, "If you feel tired later just tell me."

         "I'm twenty-seven, I think I can take care of myself," he chuckled, shooing Brendon off of him.

         "Suit yourself," he grinned.

 

         "But yeah," Gabe took a sip from his bottle, "next week we have this photo shoot planned out. You guys should totally come. We could go out and do something afterwards."

         "Sounds cool," Brendon leaned back, picking at the sticker on his beer, "oh, hey, are you guys doing anything for New Years?"

         "Yeah, I was gonna hang with Fall Out Boy and watch their performance. Why, what's up?" Gabe asked.

         "Oh, never mind, then. We're performing, too, but different event."

         "Shit, sorry man, I already promised them, like, a month ago."

         "Yeah, no problem. Don't worry about it."

         "I'll come. I've got nothing to do, why not?" Ryan shrugged.

         Brendon beamed, "Super awesome, I was hoping you weren't going, too."

         "Even if I was going, I probably would've told them that I was going to hang with you guys that night instead."

         "They would've totally understood," Gabe agreed.

         "Well, at least we don't have that problem," Brendon smiled.

         "Thank God for that," Ryan chuckled.

         Gabe hummed as he took a sip, "What time is it?"

         Ryan turned on his phone, "12:16."

         "Cool, we've got time," he placed the bottle down.

         "What, no other plans for us tonight, Gabriel?" Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "Maybe, like, one if you're up for clubs. But I'm comfy right here."

         "On this hard seat?" Brendon raised an eyebrow.

         "I don't know what seat you're sitting on, but mine's not too hard, not too soft, _just_  right," he prolonged the 'just.'

         "Okay, Goldie, no need to brag."

         Gabe laughed, "And brag I will."

         "Please no," Ryan rested his head on the table, making Gabe laugh more.

         "I would, but sadly I have nothing to brag about at the moment."

         "Thank God," Brendon played with Ryan's hair.

         Gabe rested his chin on his hand, "I could Instagram this moment."

         "Don't you  _dare,_ " Brendon slapped him.

         "Chill, I'm not," Gabe chuckled, "I said I  _could_ , but I'm too nice so I won't."

         "Yeah, you won't if you want to live," Brendon joked.

         "So," he finished off his drink, "have you decided on when you're going to announce this glorious moment to the world?"

         "Yeah. When I'm pregnant," Brendon rolled his eyes.

         "So soon then?"

         "Do you  _see_ a bump?" he gestured to his stomach.

         "Yes," Gabe joked.

         Brendon turned around, "Ryan, you're the father."

         "I knew it," Ryan snapped his fingers.

         "Can I be the grandma?" Gabe asked.

         "You can be the butler, take it or leave it," Brendon took another sip.

         "Deal. When do I start and how much do I get paid?"

         "Now and none."

         "What a lame job," Gabe sighed.

         "Dingus," Ryan chuckled.

         They all chatted about anything and everything, finishing their drinks. They finally left the bar at around 1 am, nobody in any rush to leave. Really, Gabe was the only one sober enough to drive, but they still decided to take a taxi back to their places. Ryan and Brendon said their goodbyes to Gabe as they were about to jump into the taxi. They both went back to Ryan's place, tipping the driver as soon as they got there.

         "Hey, Ryan?" Brendon asked as they got out, "Do you mind if I stayed with you?"

         He smiled, "Not at all. I wouldn't make you go stay somewhere else, man."

         They made their way to Ryan's car, grabbing Brendon's things from the trunk and the back seat.

         "This was all I was able to take, sorry. Maybe you can go back another time to get the things I couldn't take?"

         "Yeah, no worries. I wasn't expecting you to gather  _everything_ of mine. This is great, though," Brendon smiled as they made their way up to his place.

         Ryan opened the door, bringing everything into his room and placing it on his bed. Brendon put his instruments beside Ryan's, walking over to the suitcases.

         "We'll have to do something about this stuff, though."

         "Yeah. We can arrange everything tomorrow," Ryan yawned, "one of these are your clothes and the other is for your other things, by the way."

         "Great, thanks," Brendon unzipped the one closest to him to see which one was which, finding the one Ryan described it as his 'other things.' Ryan watched as he closed it back up and brought it into another room down the hall that was Ryan's office space.

         Ryan went into his closet, grabbing a loose shirt and pyjama bottoms. He kicked off his shoes, not caring about putting them back at the front, and began to change. When he walked out, Brendon was already changed, surprisingly, and placing the suitcase beside the door to Ryan's closet. He dragged Ryan over towards the bed, turning off the lights in the process. They hopped into bed, Brendon pulling the covers over them. He felt as Brendon cuddled up into him, something he now looked forward to. Ryan lightly pecked his lips, pulling him slightly closer. Brendon smiled softly, snuggling back up into his chest.

         "Night, Bren. I love you so much and I'm lucky to have you back."

         "I love you, too, Ry," he grinned, the smile disappearing after a second, "night."

         Ryan paused, sensing that something wasn't right, "Hey, are you okay?"

         "Yeah, don't worry."

         "Don't lie. Please tell me."

         He sighed, "It's just... Yeah, never mind, just forget about it."

         "Really. You can tell me, lovely."

         He looked up at him, "Did... Do you really not want to be a thing?"

         Ryan looked down at him, puzzled, "What do you mean?"

         "Earlier you said that maybe we won't be a thing."

         "Oh. You heard that," he paused.

         "I-if you don't want to, I'm not forcing you, but it would, um, I'd like to know before hand at the very least," Brendon spoke quietly.

         "No, no, of course I want to be something-"

         "Just not now... I get it. It was stupid, I'm sorry."

         "No, Bren, being something now would be amazing. Really."

         "It's just...?"

         "It's just that don't you think this is happening a little too fast? It's not like it's a problem or anything, but whatever happens from then on, what if that goes a little bit too fast?"

         "Oh," Brendon rubbed the back of his neck.

         "See, the thing is that if we don't become something we may never, but if we do become something really soon we may take things too fast. What if we ruin it?"

         "I know. But we could take our time with it, Ryan. And we won't ruin it. We'll find a way."

         "But what if we  _don't?"_

         "But we  _will_ _,_ we  _always_ find a way. That's what you told me the other night, remember? ' _We will find a way. We always_   _did'_  ?"

         "Yeah, but-"

         "No 'buts.' We're going to make this work."

         Ryan smiled, pecking his lips again, "Bren?"

         "Yes?"

         "Will you be mine?"

         Brendon chuckled lightly, "Of course. But only on one condition."

         "Anything."

         "I'll be yours as long as you'll be mine."

         Ryan nuzzled his nose against Brendon's, "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sO sorry for the chapter it's probably bad so I'm really sorry about that. I'll check it over tomorrow since I really needed to get something up before people thought I was neglecting it or not continuing it anymore. Thanks again for almost 250 hits these are literally goals wow. I cannot stress how much this means to me you guys. As always, comments of all types are very much appreciated in this but you know the drill by now haha. Have a nice day/morning/night/whenever and I'll talk to you guys next week!! Chapter 14 up next Sunday!!


	14. That's Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life's too good not to live it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lookie here it's an early chapter!! This is super cool wow something new! Anyways, I've got my reasons as to why it's up so early ((being I have a project to work on all weekend plus Monday so it's going to be a tough one)). Hope you guys have a lovely weekend!!

         Ryan was awakened by the soft sound of Frank Sinatra in the other room, filling the kitchen with the cheery sound of his voice.

 

          _I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,_

_A poet, a pawn and a king_

 

         He rolled over, getting up off the bed, dragging himself towards the bathroom and the music becoming muffled. He turned on the tap, brushing his teeth followed by splashing his face with water to fully wake himself up. He turned it off, walking out the bathroom and bedroom. He made his way down the hall and into the living room. As he approached the kitchen, Ryan could hear the music growing louder and Brendon singing along. Brendon's voice sang as loud and strong as Frank's, maybe even louder.

 

          _And if I didn't think it was worth a single try,_ Brendon sang.

          _Why, I'd jump right on a bird and then I'd fly_

 

         Ryan smiled to himself, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, watching Brendon get lost in his own little world while making breakfast, or at least he assumed that's what it was. Brendon spun around and reached over to grab an egg, noticing Ryan watching him. He stopped and made his way over to him, grabbing Ryan's hands and pulling him closer to dance. Ryan chuckled and lightly spun him around, which Brendon was very amused with. They danced until the song ended, Brendon completely stopping as soon as the last note had finished. He pecked Ryan's lips lightly before spinning back around to finish what he had started cooking. Ryan rolled his eyes. "Good morning to you, too," he grinned.

         "Morning," Brendon turned his head and smiled. "So," he cracked the egg into the pan, "what's on the agenda today?"

         "Don't know," Ryan shrugged, walking towards the cupboards and grabbing plates, "getting you settled in is probably our main priority. Anything after that is up to you." He gestured his hand as if to say,  _Whatever._ _  
_

"Cool," he seasoned the egg, "how much room d'you got?"

         "Enough," he rolled his eyes.

         "If we need more we can go out and get something."

         "That's always an option."

         Brendon took another egg from the carton, waiting for the other one to finish cooking before placing it on one of the plates Ryan had brought out. He cracked the second one and put it into the pan, placing the shell into a bowl he had out.

         "What, no singing this time?" Ryan asked.

         "You ruined it," Brendon teased.

         "Too bad, it was nice to wake up to."

         "You're nice to wake up to."

         "As are you," he rolled his eyes.

         Brendon laughed, putting the second egg onto the other plate. He added bacon he had made before Ryan had probably even woken up. He quickly grabbed bread and popped it in the toaster, Ryan turning everything off. Brendon grabbed two mugs and started the coffee pot. They waited for whichever one was done first, taking out the toast followed by pouring the coffee. They took them over to the table, talking over breakfast and planning out their day even further.

* * *

         "Brendon, wait, no, don't pull that one out-" Ryan tried to stop him.

         Most of the items on the top shelf of Ryan's closet came raining down on Brendon, who was covering himself for protection. Ryan slapped himself, shaking his head. "Too late," Brendon giggled.

         Ryan chuckled, picking up some of the stuff and tossing it into the corner, others being placed carefully down. "Here," he took one of Brendon's things, placing it on one of the lower shelves, "this shelf is yours now after that."

         "Hey, that wasn't my fault," he defended himself.

         "And  _how_ might that not have been your fault?" Ryan asked, amused.

         "You could've warned me."

         "I did, dingus."

         "You could've warned me  _sooner._ "

         Ryan sighed, "There's no point in arguing against you."

         "Nope, not at all," Brendon nuzzled his nose against Ryan's.

         He laughed, swatting him away, "Work."

         "But that's boring," Brendon pouted.

         "The sooner we finish this the sooner we can do something else."

         " _Fine,_ " he pushed all of the clothes on Ryan's hangers to the side, squishing them together. He turned back around to him, "Do you have any extra hangers?"

         "Why would I have extra hangers?"

         "In case you got more clothes?"

         Ryan shrugged, "Not at this moment. They're all occupied."

         Brendon pulled out his phone, unlocking it and starting to type in something.

         "What are you doing?" he asked. Brendon placed it up to his ear, making Ryan repeat himself, "Bren, what are you doing?"

         He stuck a finger up, waiting for the phone to stop ringing. "Hey, Gabe, do you have any extra hangers?"

         Ryan chuckled, turning back to the pile of things he had just placed in the corner, placing them on another empty shelf that Brendon probably wasn't going to use.

         "Well, can you check?" Brendon asked impatiently.

         "Be nice," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "Yeah Gabe, be nice," he repeated.

         "No, not Gabe, dingus.  _You._ "

         Brendon shrugged his shoulders. "Thanks Gabey, you're the best."

         As he hung up, Ryan asked, "What'd he say?"

         "He's going to buy some and then drop by to give them to us. He had to get things, anyway."

         "You going to pay him back? Because I'm not."

         "He owed me one," he shrugged.

         "Now he owes you none."

         "I can live with that," Brendon chuckled.

         Ryan walked out of the closet, Brendon following close behind. "You can have this half of the dresser. I don't really use much of it, anyways."

         "Great, thanks," he smiled, walking back into the closet to grab the things he could put into the drawer.

         "I'll be in the office," he told him as he walked out of the room.

         Ryan unzipped the suitcase they had left in there the night before, trying to find a space to put them in. After failing, he huffed and stared at the desk. Brendon laughed from the door, smiling at him.

         "You're adorable. Guess we're gonna have to get things after all."

         Ryan blushed, "I guess so."

         "Come on, I'll call Gabe and tell him he doesn't need to get anything. Looks like I'll be getting that owe-me-one back."

         Ryan nodded, zipping the suitcase back up and following Brendon out into the living room, leaving as soon as he made his call.

* * *

         Brendon wouldn't move from the metal desk he fell in love with as soon as he laid his eyes on it. Ryan, on the other hand, really liked the dark brown one across from it. Both of them fought over which one they were going to get, neither of them in any position to lose.

         "This one looks nicer," Brendon protested.

         "Yeah, but this one matches the room  _and_ has a matching chair," Ryan said from across the room, people passing in between them.

         "But this one goes with everything. Plus it has a warranty."

         "So does this one."

         "I want this desk."

         "This is  _exactly_ why I left the band," Ryan joked.

         "If we get this one I'll let you to rejoin the band."

         "No."

         " _Pleeeaaassseee_ ," Brendon dropped to his knees.

         "This one," Ryan crossed his arms.

         Brendon started to cry, Ryan knowing it wasn't for real.

         "Stop that. I know you're faking it," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "You're mean," He folded his arms. Almost instantly, he beamed and bounced up, Ryan not liking what this probably had meant, "Yeah, well it doesn't matter anyways because  _I'm_ the one paying for it."

         "Are you  _really?"_

         "Of course."

         "Well then in that case, you're buying the chair and hangers, too."

         "Fine by me," Brendon grinned.

         Ryan huffed, not wanting his desk to lose to the one Brendon chose. Brendon came skipping across the room towards him.

         "Better luck next time, darling," he said sweetly, kissing Ryan on the cheek in triumph.

         Ryan chuckled, "You bet. Next time I'm going to win for sure." He quickly pecked Brendon's lips.

         A man with his son looking at the desks across from them snorted. He leaned down to his kid and said, "People like that never get far in life. I swear to God, if you're  _ever_ like them and bring home a boy, I will disown you."

         Brendon overheard the man and looking at him dead in the eyes, he pulled Ryan down into a purposefully intense kiss. Ryan was taken by surprise but didn't question it. He felt as Brendon's hands tangled into his hair and as he pushed Ryan against the desk that he had wanted, pulling him down a bit more. Ryan wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Brendon closer. They heard as the man freaked out, turning his kid away and marching up to the two of them. Brendon pulled away, Ryan gasping for air. Brendon spun around in rage to face the man, waiting for him to get closer.

         "I'm in a famous band, what have  _you_ done to get far in life?" Brendon spat out.

         The man didn't bother stopping, "Famous band my ass. People like you can rot in Hell."

         At this point, everybody in the department had been focusing on Brendon and the guy, not even the employees were helping anybody find what they needed. They all just stopped and stared, Ryan included.

         "Fuck you," Brendon flipped him off.

         At this point, the man decided he was close enough. Before anybody even knew it, the guy had swung his fist into Brendon's face _hard_ , knocking him to the ground. Brendon touched his hand to his nose, pulling it back to find blood. He looked at the guy in pure anger, about to get up and give him his fair share of bloodied noses, but before he could do it, Ryan had already done it himself. The man didn't see it coming from him, not Brendon, not even Ryan himself. The guy was just about to get Ryan back before security had finally decided to take action, pulling the man and Ryan back from each other. Ryan glared at him as the security guard took the guy away before the one holding him back did the same. Brendon noticed and quickly got up, following behind Ryan and the guard. After a little while of questioning and explaining, they both were finally escorted out of the store. As they stood at the entrance, Ryan looked over at Brendon sadly. _  
_

"I'm sorry about all of that," he told him.

         "No, if anything, it's my fault."

         Ryan shook his head, "You did the right thing... In a sense."

         Brendon chuckled lightly, "In what way?"

         "Well, you didn't ignore what that dick said."

         "Yeah," he smiled softly, "I guess so. But you... That was something, man."

         "I didn't mean to," he blushed.

         "My hero," he joked, kissing his cheek.

         "Whatever," he rolled his eyes.

         Brendon hugged him, "No, but seriously, thank you."

         Ryan looked down, hugging him back, "Anything for you."

         He looked up and smiled, them making their way back to Ryan's car. They stopped at the front of the car, Ryan turning Brendon around to face him. He placed his hand on his cheek, rubbing at it lightly.

         "Are you okay? I know I've already asked this, like, a billion times, but are you?"

         Brendon chuckled, placing his hand on Ryan's, "Yes I am, thank you. I mean, I've been better, but I'm doing just fine."

         "Okay. If you need anything let me know, alright?"

         "Of course," he smiled.

         They stepped into the car, Ryan starting it before Brendon spoke up.

         "I still need those hangers. And that desk."

         "Looks like you'll be using that owe-you-one after all," Ryan laughed lightly.

         "Too bad, I was going to use it for a massage."

* * *

         Ryan and Brendon were lying on the couch watching TV when the doorbell rang. Ryan sat up, getting up to go answer it.

         "It's probably Gabe," Brendon told him, propping himself up.

         "Probably," he said as he approached the door. He opened it and there he stood, two big rectangular boxes and a few packages of hangers in hand. "Howdy," he gestured inside.

         Gabe handed Ryan the hangers as he brought the two boxes inside. "What'd made you guys change your mind about me getting the hangers again?"

         "That," he pointed at Brendon who just waved his fingers.

         "Jeez, what happened to  _you_ _?"_ he placed the boxes down, walking towards Brendon.

         "Thanks," Brendon rolled his eyes, "but more like _who_. Homophobes suck."

         "Damn, sorry about that. So, what, did you guys get kicked out for being in  _love_ or something," he rolled his eyes.

         "Ryan punched the guy in the face," Brendon smiled.

         Gabe laughed, "Really? Did you  _actually_ _?"_

         "Literally. All because the shithead punched me first," he turned to Ryan, "I love you."

         Ryan smiled, placing the hangers on the coffee table and sitting at Brendon's feet, "I love you, too."

         "Ew, that's so adorable that I'm going to puke," Gabe sat across from them.

         "The bathroom's down the hall," Ryan joked.

         "Thanks," he rolled his eyes.

         "Mmm," Brendon hummed, "how's Sarah doing?"

         "I told Erin so she's been hanging out with her all day. She said she could be a lot better, but she's doing okay. Never seizes to amaze me, that girl."

         "That's why I fell in love with her," Brendon leaned back, "or at least that's what I thought."

         "She'll find someone," Gabe leaned back.

         They all sat in silence for about a minute, nothing but the sound of the TV playing.

         "Hey, so, you gonna pay me?" Gabe rolled his eyes, "Hangers are free of charge since your nose is dead."

         "Greedy much?" Brendon teased, "Ry, can you get me my check book?"

         Gabe looked at him, questioningly.

         "What? I don't have the money  _on me_ on me," he shrugged.

         Ryan got up and went to the side table by the door. He pulled out the small drawer and reached in to grab the check book at the top before closing it back up. He tossed it along with a pen to Brendon and sat back down, watching as he wrote the exact amount down onto it before handing it to Gabe.

         "You're welcome," Brendon said as he handed it to him.

         "Thank you," Gabe said cheerily, "hey, I've gotta go finish up a few other errands before it gets too late. Call me if you guys need anything else, you hear?"

         "Yeah yeah, no problem. Thanks a bunch, Gabe," Ryan smiled.

         "Don't mention it. Take care, guys."

         He closed the door behind him as he left. Ryan got up and walked over to the two boxes, bringing them closer to the coffee table. He opened one of the boxes up, pulling out all of the items and getting tools from the entrance closet.

         "Fun," he said as he looked down at the pieces, Brendon chuckling.

 

 

         By the time they finished building and moving the desk and chair into the office and set it all up for Brendon, it was late and they had both finished two whole boxes of pizza that they had just decided to order due to laziness and the fact that they already had so many things on their hands at that moment. They moved onto setting up the rest of the closet in their room. Ryan liked the sound of that, calling it "their room," because it was now. It was  _their_ room. By the time they had finished that, it was just past 12 AM. They were both  _extremely_ exhausted and ready for bed, so they did exactly that, they got ready for bed. Brendon was already curled up onto the bed as Ryan walked into the room after cleaning everything up. He turned off the lights, pulling the covers over Brendon and him as soon as he got in. Brendon did the usual and snuggled up into him instead of relying on the blankets for warmth. Brendon almost bumped his nose on Ryan's chest in the process, making Ryan become a little worried.

         "Be careful, darling," he pulled back a bit, stroking Brendon's hair lightly.

         Brendon didn't like that he had moved even the slightest and instead pulled Ryan back towards him, Ryan sighing.

         "I don't want to hurt you by accident," Ryan said nervously.

         "You won't," Brendon smiled reassuringly.

         "But I may."

         "If anybody hurts me by accident, it'll be me. Don't worry about it, seriously."

         "But I can't help it," Ryan sighed.

         Brendon looked up to peck Ryan. "I know, baby," he said softly.

         They stayed silent for a few minutes, trying to fall asleep but failing.

         "Ryan, really, thank you about today. It really means a lot to me."

         "I know. I'd do it again if given the chance."

         Brendon smiled, "That's why I love you a lot."

         "I love you, too," he kissed his head, "to the moon and back and more. And if anybody were to hurt you at all, even the slightest, I'd hurt them ten times worse."

         "Back in the store today," he began, "I was afraid he was going to hurt you, especially since you'd  _just_ punched him, and I was scared that I probably wouldn't have gotten up in time to stop him and oh man, I would've knocked the  _shit_ out of that guy. Thank God for the security, though. Not."

         "They were really late," Ryan chuckled lightly.

         "Literally," he laughed. Brendon paused before he added, "but yeah, if you  _ever_ think for one second that I don't love you and that I wouldn't do  _anything_ for you, then you're extremely wrong."

         He smiled lightly, tracing tiny circles onto his back and looking out the window. "And the exact same thing for you, too."

         "Glad to hear it," he yawned, closing his eyes. "Ry, we should really have more days like this. It was really fun."

         Ryan chuckled, "It was only our first day, dingus."

         "Yeah, but I liked it."

         "I did, too. Now sleep."

         "Yes sir," he cuddled back up into him, Ryan being so careful as to not hurt him by accident.

         "Sweet dreams, darling."

         "Just like you are."

         "Dingus," Ryan chuckled, both of them slowly drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy thanks for sticking around this chapter. It's not super cool or anything I know but don't worry I've got a special chapter planned out aka the New Years one this is gonna be rad(! RT). Thanks again for 250+ hits wow I really wasn't expecting that when I was first starting this especially since it's gotten some pretty floppy chapters but you guys are super good to me wow thank you so much again from the bottom of my heart ilysm it's not even funny. Have a good morning/day/night/whenever!! Chapter 15 up next Sunday!!


	15. The Camera's On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With old friends and flash flash flash photography.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey welcome back wow the Christmas break is officially here ((or the holiday break if you don't celebrate Christmas))!! This is going to be super fun wowie. Also, it's super close to 2015 and wow I'm super terrified yet really excited to see what the next year has in store! This year was really exciting for me considering that I met fob during Monumentour and dressed up for the Panic! concert and then other things that I won't get into full detail about. Anyways, I hope you guys have enjoyed the first day of the holidays so far!! Also, thanks so much for 290 hits wow I'm extremely flattered. Thank you thank you thank you!! ((Another thing, the title is from Cobra's It's Warmer In The Basement if you were wondering although you probably weren't))

         Sitting in the driver's seat of the car, Ryan watched the road in front of him while Brendon fiddled with the radio beside him.

         "What're you doing?" he chuckled, glancing down at the stereo.

         Brendon let out a huff, "Your bluetooth won't work."

         "Hold on, wait til we get to a stop," they drove on for a bit, finally reaching a red light. Ryan pressed a few buttons on his car's console and then a button on Brendon's phone, "there. Now it should work."

         "Thanks," he grinned, putting his music on shuffle.

         Driving again, Ryan replied, "You're welcome. How's your nose?"

         "Cool," Brendon shrugged, "not going to be nice for that photoshoot. And New Years."

         "Makeup'll cover it up," he reassured him.

         "Hopefully," Brendon looked at the street signs, "hey, d'you know where we're going?"

         "Yeah, about ten minutes away. Why?"

         "Just wanted to make sure I didn't have to call Gabe up again. He's been really busy lately, damn."

         Ryan nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure he's used to it, though."

         Brendon just shrugged, "Probably. I think his schedule slows down in the new year if I remember correctly."

         "If not we'll make him," he joked.

         Brendon just smiled, suddenly dancing in his seat to the song playing, one Ryan didn't recognize. They kept going straight ahead until they reached where they needed to go down, turning right. They made their way down the street before they reached a plaza, Ryan turning into it. They parked and got out, walking into unit number 249. The front was a small, bright area, filled with neutral colours. At the front desk sat a very nicely cleaned up lady, her hair up in a tight bun and a white blouse. They walked up to her, Ryan clearing his throat. She looked up, eyeing the two over first before looking back down at her papers.

         "Excuse me, but we're here for our friend's photoshoot. Could you please direct us to where we're supposed to go?" Ryan asked, rubbing his arm.

         "What is their name, Miss?" she asked from her papers.

         Brendon began laughing hard, Ryan blushing brightly. "I'm a guy," he said awkwardly.

         She looked back up, looking him over again, "It would appear that way. I'm sorry, Sir. What's their name?"

         "Gabriel Saporta. Or Gabe. Either one he went with," he replied, Brendon still laughing.

         She flipped through one of the big binders on her desk, looking for his name. "I'm sorry, Sir," she studied the page, "there isn't anybody here by the name of  _Gabriel ''Gabe'' Saporta_. Are you sure you've got the right person? Maybe the right place?"

         "Yeah, this was the address and time he sent me exactly. Same date, too," Ryan said puzzled, checking his phone.

         Brendon, finally dying down, nodded, "It's the exact info he gave us."

         "Again, I'm sorry, but we just don't have any Gabriel Saportas here for a photoshoot."

         "Do you have any Gabes at  _all?_ _"_  Ryan asked.

         "We have Gabriels under different last names, but none by Saporta."

         Brendon folded his hands on the desk, leaning forward, "Listen, lady, our friend is here. You have to let us in. It's by invitation and everything."

         "Or else what?" she looked at him sarcastically.

         Brendon just cleared his throat, leaning back, "I'll, uh, contact your company?"

         "Nice try, Sir, but that won't work. They'll still be on my side. Now there's the door," she gestured.

         "Somebody should really close that," Gabe walked in from the hall, "don't worry, they're with me."

         Brendon let out a big sigh, walking up beside Gabe, Ryan deciding to follow along. "Thanks," Brendon said to her sarcastically.

         Gabe spun back around, smiling, "Who'd you tell her you were visiting?"

         "You," Brendon rolled his eyes.

         "Like  _Gabe Saporta_ me?"

         "And Gabriel. Neither of them worked. We were just about to try Gabriela next," Ryan teased, them all stepping inside of the elevator.

         "Hah hah. Yeah, that wasn't going to work, either. We're under  _Cobra Starship,_ " Gabe explained.

         Ryan slapped his face, "I completely forgot that you said all of you were doing the shoot."

         "Should've told you guys," Gabe shrugged, "my fault. Sorry."

         "No problem," Brendon shrugged it off.

         They got to the third floor, stepping out and walking down the hall to room number 307. Gabe opened the door, stepping in with Ryan and Brendon behind him.

         "The trash followed me in," Gabe told everybody.

         They all looked up and smiled at them all, saying a collection of, "Hellos," at the same time.

         "Brendon, Ryan!" Victoria walked up with Alex, "It's been a while, guys! What's up?"

         "Hey Victoria," Ryan smiled, hugging her, "nothing, really. Yourself?"

         "Cool, thanks," she smiled, hugging him back and then Brendon.

         "What's up, Alex?" he smiled.

         "Everything," he chuckled.

         "When Gabe told us people were coming, we never would've expected you guys to come," Nate said from the makeup chair.

         "Well, here we are," Brendon extended his arms out to the sides.

         "I thought you hated him, though," Ryland nodded over from Brendon to Ryan.

         "Yeah. Then Pete saw him again. He came to our LA show. Then they invited him to everything and they all loved him again. I didn't until, like, last month. But now everything's cool."

         Ryland smiled at them, "That's better, though. No need to be babies about it anymore, right?"

         Brendon shrugged, "Yeah, it's been working out."

         " _Really_ well," Gabe chuckled as he walked over to one of the chairs, nudging Ryland as he passed him.

         Ryan blushed, sitting on one of the chairs by Gabe and Ryland, Brendon grabbing the one next to Ryan.

         "How well?" Victoria raised an eyebrow, Brendon shooting a look at Gabe.

         "Tell you another time," Gabe rolled his eyes.

         The photographer walked towards the white backdrop, motioning for Alex to have his pictures taken. "Hey, what happened with your," Alex made circles around his own nose, looking at Brendon.

         "Some dick punched me yesterday for a reason we'll tell you about another time and then Ryan punched the guy back," Brendon smirked.

         "Hey, he had it coming," Nate laughed.

         "You have no kidding," he shook his head.

         "So what've you guys been up to?" Ryan asked.

         "Nothing much," Alex replied, pausing to make a face at the camera before speaking again, "just things, you know?"

         "We're going to head into the studio in the new year though. Gonna be sick, y'know?" Ryland smiled.

         "Can't wait to hear the stuff," Brendon jumped in his seat.

         "Gabe," the photographer motioned him over.

         "Time for the fun," he jumped up.

         "Do you guys want to be in the shoot, too?" the makeup artist asked Ryan and Brendon.

         "Yeah, they're in," Gabe shouted from the backdrop.

         "Ryan, was it?" the girl asked him. "You first. I'll need to work on him," she nodded over to Brendon, "longer."

         "Sure," Ryan got up and moved to the seat where Gabe sat.

         "Got any idea on what it's going to sound like?" Brendon asked.

         "Not really, just a few foggy ones," Nate replied.

         "Nothing's in stone yet, though," Victoria added.

         "It's just going to sound really  _really_ sick," Gabe told him, posing.

         Ryan hopped out of the seat once the girl was done, allowing Brendon to take his turn. Just as he was sitting back down, Gabe said, "Ryan, come, we're gonna take a few shots together."

         "Do I have to?"

         "Do you want to make me sad?"

         He sighed, walking over to the backdrop, "Why am I friends with you?"

         "I have no idea," Gabe chuckled, throwing his arms out to grab him, spinning Ryan around. "Too bad you're taken," Gabe teased, kissing his cheek playfully.

         "Ooh, who's the lucky girl?" Alex joked.

         Ryan just looked at Gabe, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Brendon bit his lip lightly, looking at himself at the girl magically removed the big black spot on his nose.

         "It's fine, you don't have to tell," Victoria shrugged.

         "I never knew you were dating somebody," Ryland walked up to the backdrop, watching as Gabe and Ryan posed with each other.

         "Yeah, nobody really knew beside Gabe and, uh, Sarah," Ryan shrugged, throwing his arm over Gabe for the picture.

         "And Erin," Gabe added, pressing his nose up to Ryan's cheek.

         "And Erin," he repeated.

         "And Brendon," Brendon pretended to be fake offended as the girl finished everything up.

         " _And_ Brendon," Ryan repeated once again.

         "Who else is there?" Alex laughed.

         "Everybody else in the whole world besides you guys," Ryan teased, rolling his eyes.

         Brendon hopped out of the chair, making his way over to Ryan and Gabe. "Soon, Ryan, soon," Brendon patted his back, smiling at the wall away from the camera, Ryan, and Brendon.

         "So, what, when're you going to tell the guys?" Gabe asked.

         "When _they_  get everything settled and everything's official between them, I would guess," Ryan told him, leaning again Brendon and moving his arm to rest it on only one of Gabe's shoulders, looking down at the floor.

         "Yeah, I know that, but  _when_ is that going to happen?"

         "Once we- I mean  _they_ \- feel like it's a good time, probably being early in the new year," Brendon turned after the flash, resting his arms and head on Ryan's right shoulder.

         "Why not tell the guys sooner, then?" Gabe turned, kicking a leg back into the air behind himself.

         "Wouldn't Ryan and them want to get everybody together and then tell them? I mean, over the phone seems kind of... I don't know, short or not really serious- at least that's what I think," Brendon said.

         "Whatever Ryan and them want to do, I guess," Gabe shrugged.

          _Flash flash_.

         "Well, whenever you tell them, Ryan, make sure you tell us, too, yeah?" Victoria said.

         "Of course," Ryan kissed Brendon on the cheek for the picture, Gabe quickly moving to Brendon's other side to do the same.

         The man took the picture, the three of them then doing the most serious pose they could do, stepping away once they were finished with the last picture, letting Ryland go.

         "Nate, you're next," the photographer told him.

         They sat back in the seats. Gabe moving back to take a picture of the whole place, everybody included.

         "Am I in it?" Ryan slightly panicked.

         "Yep, and Brendon. We'll pass you guys off as some other people if you want, though."

         "Please," Ryan sank in his seat.

         "Having... our pictures... taken with... Pete Wentz... and... Brendon Urie...," Gabe typing in, looking up from his phone, "Pete Wentz being Brendon and Brendon Urie being Ryan. I should probably add that- not names, though. Just ''left,'' and, ''right.''"

         Ryan let out a sigh of relief.

         Gabe posted it, walking back over to his seat.

         They all sat there for another hour, talking and having their pictures taken. Halfway through they had water brought up before getting back to work. Finally, after everybody was happy with how their pictures turned out and figured they'd all caught up with each other, they decided to call it a day.

         "It was nice seeing you again, Ryan," Ryland hugged him, "we'll do something again this year, yeah?"

         "You bet on it," Ryan patted his back, saying bye to everybody else. Nate, Alex, Victoria, and Ryland left, Gabe pulling Brendon and Ryan back as they tried leaving, too.

         "What's up?" Brendon asked.

         "Look at the comments," Gabe laughed, handing his phone to them.

         Brendon and Ryan read it, scrolling up, each person freaking out more and more, making them both laugh.

 

 

> **ryanrossmakesmecry1:**

>          oMG ISTHAHT RAYYN HOLY CD RAPI ITS RYANB NAD BRENFON IM CRHYING

> **rydensbringingsexyback:**

>          IS THAT RYAN OMG WTF IS THIS IS HE WITH BRENDON ARE THEY SMILING AT EACH OTHER

> **brendonurieishot87:**

>          wow damn look at how hot brendon looks there wtf is he even human also IS THAT RYAN

> **patdisstupid:**

>          LETS JUST TAKE A SECOND TO THANK GABE FOR TAKING THIS PICTURE WITH RYDEN IN THE BACKGROUND also Gabe u dont have to cover it up we all know it's ryden

>   
>  **l3tth3flam3sb3gin:**
> 
>          what if gabe said that brendon was pete and ryan was brendon bc bren and ry didnt want us to know about their love

 

 

         "Wait, stop for a second," Ryan took the phone, "this person is close but not even close."

         "What do you mean?" Gabe asked. Brendon looked at the last one Ryan was pointing to, Ryan then showing it to Gabe.

         "For Ryan it's true, at least."

         "Hold up, I'm gonna post a picture of Brendon and I and say that it wasn't actually you and see what they say," Gabe flipped to the front camera view.

         They quickly took the picture, Gabe then typing in the caption, showing them once he posted it.

  

 

> _Nice try, guys. That wasn't actually Ryan. Pete left early but here's proof that Brendon was actually here._

 

 

         "Let the comments begin," Gabe laughed.

         And he was right. It wasn't even a second after before all of the comments started to appear. They all looked at the phone, reading the comments. 

 

 

> **ryanrosslover101:**
> 
>          awe shit too bad somebody photoshop ryans face onto petes in the other pic and lets pretend that it actually happened
> 
> **mcrmakesmedanc3:**
> 
>          ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS GABE WTF YOU CAN'T JUST TELL US LIKE AN HOUR AFTER YOU HAVE TO TELL US AS SOON AS YOU POST IT SO WE DON'T DIE OF FEELS
> 
> **ryanrossrosevest:**
> 
>          at least we get a gabe and bren selfie. too bad that it was pete and not ryan
> 
> **lizaaamarieeeparkinsss:**
> 
>          guys don't be stupid that was actually ryan does that look anything like pete to you
> 
> **ryanrossrosevest:**
> 
>          @lizaaamarieeeparkinsss yeah if u look closely it does look like pete
> 
> **lizaaamarieeeparkinsss:**
> 
>          @ryanrossrosevest lmao that's ryan not pete fake fan much

 

 

         Gabe started laughing. "She pulled out the fake fan card!"

         "Hey, I'm Pete Wentz and I look a bit like Ryan Ross according to Liza Marie Parkins on Instagram," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         Brendon smiled, "Yeah, hi, I'm Brendon Urie and I'm dating Pete Wentz. He's super hot."

         "Thanks Brandon Uray. I know I am."

         "It's Brendon Urie-"

         "Whatever, Brendan."

         "Relationship goals," Gabe chuckled.

         "We're literally my goals," Brendon laughed along.

         "You guys are weird," Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "Look who's talking," Gabe rolled his eyes.

         "I'm talking, I know that?" he teased.

         Gabe just threw a hand into the air, walking out the door, the two following behind him. They made their way back downstairs and out the front, stopping out the doors before parting ways.

         "So," Gabe began, "I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Again, I'm sorry I can't come to your performance tomorrow night, Brendon. Seriously. I owe you one."

         "Don't mention it," Brendon smiled, "just seeing you today and then talking to you tomorrow would mean a lot to me."

         "Yeah, me too, man. I'll see you guys in the new year," he smiled, hugging them both before leaving to his car.

         Ryan and Brendon made their way back to the car, Ryan driving and Brendon riding shotgun again.

 

         Ryan cleaned the dishes Brendon was bringing in from the table, placing them in the drying rack to let them air dry. They finished, Brendon making sure all of the leftovers were in the fridge. He went up to Ryan, kissing him on the cheek.

         "I'm going to bed. Tomorrow's a big day and everything," he told him.

         "Yeah, I was going to bed in a few minutes. I've just got to finish something I was working on this morning before we left," Ryan kissed him lightly, smiling softly.

         "Well, nighty night, then," he smiled, turning back around and making his way to the bedroom.

         Ryan made his way into the office, sitting down at his desk and opening his note pad, staring at it blankly. Earlier that morning he had been working on lyrics to a new song, but he didn't feel like doing that at the moment. He was tired and not in the creative mood, making him decide to grab his guitar from the corner, deciding to play random songs he could think of that were soft enough to sound nice in the night lighting but not boring enough to make him just decide to go to sleep. Making some off the top of his head, he quickly decided to write them down, not wanting to forget them just in case he decided to use them. After a while, he got bored and decided to stop for the night, putting it down and closing the book. Getting up, he turned off the light and made his way into their bedroom. After getting ready, Ryan turned everything in their place off, making his way back into the bedroom and hopping into bed. He smiled as he pulled the covers over them, noticing Brendon was fast asleep. He gently pulled him closer, not wanting to wake him up, and kissing the top of his head.

         "I hope 2014 is as good as 2013 was," he whispered, "it probably will be now that I've got you."

         He felt as Brendon curled up, making Ryan chuckle quietly, "I love love love you. Thank you for making me as happy as ever."

         "You're welcome," Brendon whispered, yawning, "but I love you more."

         "Oops," Ryan spoke softly, realizing he woke Brendon up, "sorry about that."

         "No problem," Brendon chuckled, hugging him.

         He ran his fingers through Brendon's hair, "I love you most."

         "Not possible."

         "Totally possible," his hand trailed down to his cheek then his chin, lifting it and pecking him.

         "I'll let you think that, but it's not true," Brendon smiled softly, curling back up, "nighty night. I'll see you in the morning."

         "Night," he rubbed his back, letting Brendon fall asleep again, "but I really do love you more. That's a fact."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Et voilà! Chapter 15 is finished!! Seriously debating if I should add Chapter 16 sometime this week or wait until next Sunday so it's like the last chapter before 2015 and it's New Years themed ((so far I'm leaning towards this week but maybe I'll do it on Sunday)). Anyways, thanks again for 290 hits I'm actually screaming w Ow. As always, really, I like comments a lOt so please leave suggestions and stuff!! Thank you lovelies!! Have a good weekend ((and maybe whatever holiday you celebrate [for me it's Christmas so maybe merry Christmas]))!! Chapter 15 up sometime this week or Sunday!!


	16. Smile For The Paparazzi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Years Eve with Panic! At The Disco and partying around everybody else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy hey happy belated holidays!!!!! I hope it was as rad as you guys are and I hope you got the things you'd asked for if you do that stuff!! This week's chapter has been one I've been excited to write for a while now and I hope you guys like it!! Thanks so much for 300 hits this means sososososo much to me omg thank y'all so much for sticking this far with me! ((Also, if you haven't already gotten it so far, Spencer still goes on tour with them in this so I mean it doesn't 100% follow the events that happened in 2013/2014 just to clear things up.))

         Ryan stood in front of the hotel mirror, fixing a tie Brendon forced him to wear. He loosened it up, making it not too formal nor casual, but just enough so Brendon wouldn't have to force it back to strangling him. He huffed as he fixed his hair, running his hands through it a few times. Brendon stood at the bathroom door, smirking to himself as he watched Ryan get ready. Ryan stopped, hands mid-hair, making eye contact with him through the mirror.

         "How much longer are you going to be watching me?" he raised an eyebrow.

         "Until you finish," Brendon walked up closer behind him, wrapping his arms around is waist and putting his head in the crook of his neck, not breaking the eye contact, "but I suggest you don't because I really like this."

         Ryan chuckled, "But we have to leave soon."

         "So?"

         "So," he continued to fix his hair, "you were the one to say that we had to get going."

         "Yeah, but I've changed my mind."

         "Go do something else, dingus. I'm almost done."

         Brendon pouted playfully. "Fine," he dragged it out, "I'll watch you from the bed."

         Ryan grinned, shaking his head as Brendon kissed his cheek and walked over to the bed. "You look nice."

         "You look hot," Brendon placed his head in his hands.

         "You never hold back, do you?" he chuckled.

         "Nope."

         He turned back to the mirror, "Just another reason why I love you."

         The door suddenly banged hard, Spencer shouting from behind it, "Room service!"

         Ryan shook his head, reaching for the door handle beside him, Spencer suddenly pushing in. "Hello to you, too," he rolled his eyes.

         "Damn, Ryan, you look  _hot_."

         "Told you," Brendon lifted two fingers from his face.

         Spencer flopped down onto the bed next to Brendon, short sleeved button up and all. "You're welcome on getting you two the room to yourselves, by the way."

         "Thanks Spence," Brendon patted his head teasingly.

         "You know," he sat up, "Dallon and Kenny wanted to room with you and I but then I'm like, ''But what about Ryan? My poor baby can't stay in a room alone!'' and then they were like, ''Oh, then you go room with him,'' and then I said, ''I can't. My doctor said I can't be around assholes,'' being you and Brendon, by the way, and then they were just like, ''Fine. Brendon, go room with Ryan,'' and now they hate me. Just kidding. They still think of me as their idol. But the rest was true." Spencer spoke in different voices for Dallon and Kenneth.

         "Brendon's more of an ass than I am," Ryan teased.

         "Fuck yeah I am, have you even _seen_  my ass?" he agreed playfully.

         "Not that way, dingus," Ryan chuckled.

         "In your dreams," Brendon folded his arms, "I don't like you anymore."

         "So, what, can I sleep with Ryan now? You can have the other bed that neither of you used from the looks of it."

         "Go for it," Brendon winked at Ryan.

         "Thanks," Spencer blew kisses at Ryan.

         "Why is everybody winking and air kissing me?" Ryan said, pretending to be uncomfortable.

         "Because everybody thinks you're the hottest person on Earth," Spencer got up, "anyways, I came to tell you guys that we're leaving in 10. Also, nice jacket, Bren."

         "Thank you," he nodded towards Ryan, "and  _you_ said it looked tacky."

         "I never said it wasn't," Spencer winked, opening the door and stepping out.

         "Told you," Ryan grinned.

         Getting up, Brendon fixed the weird blue, shiny, patterned jacket and walked up to Ryan, wrapping his arms around his neck. God, did Ryan think he was gorgeous. "Take that back and you'll be getting a special little something before we leave tomorrow," Brendon winked, pecking Ryan's lips.

         "As nice as that sounds, I will not," Ryan smiled, pulling Brendon closer.

         The door pounded again, Brendon and Ryan jumping once more.

         "I forgot to say," Spencer shouted, "we're waiting downstairs."

         "Sure thing," Brendon shouted over Ryan's shoulder, waiting a minute to make sure Spencer wasn't there anymore, pulling Ryan down back into another kiss.

         Ryan felt as Brendon slid his hands through his hair. He lifted his hands from Brendon's waist and cupped his face, deepening the kiss. Brendon lightly bit his bottom lip, sucking it softly. Ryan gasped, letting out a small moan, making Brendon smile to himself and pull away. Ryan blushed and looked down, Brendon chuckling.

         "I should probably fix your hair," Brendon smiled, playing with it a bit.

         "It's fine," Ryan bit his lip, quickly shooing his hands away from his hair and fixing it himself.

         "Shall we?" he grinned, sticking out his arm for Ryan to hook his to.

         "I guess we have no choice," he smiled sheepishly.

* * *

 

         "Good luck," Ryan smiled at Brendon, Spencer, Dallon, and Kenny as they were about to head on stage.

         "Thanks Ryan," Dallon smiled.

         Spencer quickly kissed his and Jon's cheek before running onto the stage, Dallon and Kenny following behind.

         "See you after," Brendon winked, turning around to make his grand entrance on the stage after they all went.

         Brendon introduced himself and the band quickly to the crowd, following into the first song. Ryan watched from the back, listening to their new tracks that had come out recently, or what he figured were the new ones. Definitely the ones that had come out after he and Jon had left. He listened to what he had guessed was called  _Miss Jackson,_  considering the amount of times they had said it in the chorus. Possibly  _Are You Nasty?,_ but he figured the first one was more likely. He made a mental note to ask Brendon later. He turned to Jon, who was also interested in their new songs.

         "What do you think it's called?" Jon asked, not taking his eyes away from them.

         "Dunno. Maybe  _Miss Jackson?"_

         "Seems logical," he chuckled, "they're good, though."

         "Yeah.. I kind of miss it," Ryan folded his arms.

         "Tell me about it," Jon paused then looked at Ryan, "do you think we made the right choice?"

         Ryan was taken aback by his question. He thought for a second, "I think so. Or maybe that's hope.. Well, look at it this way, we know Dallon and Kenny because of it."

         "Yeah. You're right. I don't know, though. This makes me wish we were up there with them."

         "I know," Ryan laughed to himself, "we probably would've sounded so much different from this. And then somehow end up splitting up again."

         "It was probably meant to be," Jon said, looking back at them.

         Ryan nodded his head in agreement, also turning back to watch them play. The song ended but quickly entered into another one. Ryan sighed as he listened to Brendon's voice fill the room and the audience cheer. All of these people cheering for Brendon, or the band, or maybe even the song. He smiled as he looked at how far they had gotten without them in the band. But of course, they were still known for the song that  _he_ had wrote, that  _he_ had put his thought into. That upset him a bit, but at least they were becoming known with their own songs now. He looked around at everybody backstage, the people that he had said hello to as they arrived, and all of the other people who had been invited personally by the hosts of _Fox_ themselves. All of them singers, actors, or the friends and family of them all, Ryan and Jon included, and photographers for different magazines and online articles. Most of these people here were big people, and Ryan felt as if he and Jon didn't fit in at all. Even the photographers were probably the best ones in the places they worked for. He shook his head, looking back onto the stage as the song had ended and the crowd cheered. Brendon closed off their set with a goodbye, the crowd cheering even louder. They walked back off the stage, all meeting Ryan and Jon at the same time.

         "So," Brendon ran his hand through his hair, "how'd we do?"

         "Amazing," they both said, smiling.

         "Glad to hear it," Spencer wiped his forehead throwing an arm around Jon as they made their way to where everybody else was.

         As Ryan was following behind them, Brendon grabbed his hand and dragged him into the hall, pulling him into one of the janitor's closets to get some quiet.

         "I thought you said tomorrow," Ryan raised an eyebrow, teasing him.

         "Yeah yeah," Brendon rolled his eyes, smiling, "we're calling Gabe since we haven't done so yet today and I'm not letting 2013 end until we do."

         Ryan chuckled, watching Brendon pull out his phone and searching for his contact. They waited for Gabe to pick up, finally doing so after the fourth ring.

         "Hello?" Gabe said, the background insanely loud.

         "Gabe, happy almost New Years," Brendon smiled at Ryan.

         "And to you as well! I heard you guys just went on," he chuckled.

         "How does word go around  _that_  fast?" Brendon raised an eyebrow.

         "Connections from the event, my friend. How's it going with Ryan? You sick of him yet?" Gabe teased.

         "Yeah, I hate him," he said sarcastically.

         "Too bad because I love you," Ryan fake pouted.

         "Oh, hey Ryan," Gabe shouted into the phone.

         "Dude," Brendon laughed, "find a quiet place to go talk."

         "Can't."

         "Why not?" Ryan asked.

         "Because I'm here with-" the phone dropped.

         They both stared at the phone confused, hearing faint screams from the background saying, " _PETE YOU DROPPED MY FUCKING PHONE GIVE IT BACK,_ " and another, " _NO I WANNA TALK TO THEM,_ " and then one more, " ** _OUCH!_** _GABE, DON'T BITE ME,_ " making both Ryan and Brendon laugh.

         "Hey guys!" Pete said triumphantly followed by a, " _No, don't let him go! Joe, if you let go you're out of the band._ "

         "Wow, I'd love to be in Fall Out Boy!" Ryan joked.

         "Good, you can be be the new guitarist  _if Joe lets go of Gabe,_ " Pete threatened.

         " _Joe, I'll let you into my band if you let me go,_ " Gabe said in the background.

         " _Sounds tempting, but as much as I like you, I like my job better,_ " Joe joked.

         " _Hah!_  Anyways, how're you guys? Do you love each other yet?"

         Ryan looked at Brendon quickly, worried as to what to say.

         "Nah, we're just friends," Brendon said as he looked into Ryan's eyes.

         "Too bad," Pete said, "you guys would've been cute. Anyways, here's Patrick, Andy, and Joe."

         "Hey!" they all shouted into the phone, Patrick being the only one to say it calmly.

         "How's it going?" Ryan asked.

         "Not bad, yourselves?" Andy replied.

         "Good, thanks," Brendon smiled.

         "Anyways, we've gotta go! The countdown's in, like, ten minutes," Pete said to them.

         "Yeah, no problem, we'll see you guys in the new year," Ryan replied.

         "Totally," Pete said cheerily, "here's Gabe."

         " _I swear, I'll punch you,_ " Gabe said away from the phone, probably looking at Pete directly. "Hey. So I guess that's that. Are you guys going," Gabe spoke quietly into the phone, "public now? Or no?"

         "No," Brendon told him, "we'd rather wait to tell the guys first. We haven't even told Spencer or Jon yet."

         "Yeah, it's probably best to wait. Ryan's okay with it?"

         "For sure. It's something we both thought would've been better to do."

         "So then, what? Are you guys just not talking to each other in front of everybody? I'd imagine there're a lot of big people at the place."

         "Yeah. We're just acting as friends. But hey, somehow Spencer worked his magic on the band to make me room with Ryan, so obviously he's trying to get us together," Brendon laughed.

         "Little does he know that it's already happening," Gabe laughed.

         "True," Ryan smiled.

         "Anyways, I'll talk to you guys later," Gabe told them, "Happy New Years, don't get pregnant. I love you guyssss."

         "Happy New Years, Gabe. No promises," Brendon winked at Ryan.

         "Love you, too," they both said before hanging up.

         "So," Ryan said, "we should probably head back. It's almost time."

         "Yeah. After this, though," Brendon quickly pulled Ryan down into a quick, hard kiss, smiling as he pulled away, "now we can go."

         They left the closet, Brendon putting his phone back into his pocket. They made their way quickly backstage, finding where the guys were mingling. They all grouped together, talking among themselves and everybody else around them. Waiters went around and gave everybody a glass of champagne. The photographers were already positioned around the room and in the crowd of celebrities and their family and friends, waiting for the countdown to begin and everybody to get hyped enough for there to be exciting pictures.

         " _READY GUYS?"_  somebody from backstage shouted.

         Everybody cheered then quickly quieted down, waiting for the moment to come. Ryan looked at the guys and then Brendon, smiling as he noticed Brendon practically jumping up and down. Just then, the countdown started and Brendon looked at Ryan.

         "10!" everybody shouted.

         "9!" they continued.

         "I love love love you so much," Ryan told Brendon quickly.

         "7!"

         "I love you more than anything," Brendon smiled.

         "3!"

         "2!"

         "1!"

         " _HAPPY NEW YEARS_ _!"_  Ryan smiled widely down at him, starting to hug him.

         Brendon threw his arms around Ryan's neck and pulled him down into a kiss, smiling. Ryan stood there with his arms wrapped around him, at first kissing him back, but then pausing in shock. Brendon froze, his eyes wide with horror, quickly pulling away after realizing what he had done. Ryan bit his lip, blushing hard. They looked at their friends and the people around them, everybody staring in shock. Spencer's and Jon's mouths hung open, Dallon and Kenny just staring. They noticed as the photographers looked at the photos they took on their cameras, figuring they had seen it as well and took as many pictures as they could before Ryan and Brendon realized what had happened. Some people calmed down a bit, their shocked faces turning into faces filled with different emotions; some filled with disgust, some with happiness, and some who just looked like they had the first biggest story of 2014. One person had even slipped their phone away. Ryan turned to face their friends, taking a quick breath.

         "This isn't something new to you guys, is it...?" Spencer trailed off, still in some sort of shock.

         Ryan just stayed silent, nodding his head slightly.

         "When were you going to tell me this?" Spencer sounded a little annoyed.

         Brendon quickly turned to face Spencer, "I swear, we were going to tell you, we just wanted to tell everybody at the same time."

         Spencer just turned to Jon, pausing for a moment. He smiled widely, "It  _finally_ happened."

         "Wait, what? You guys are-" Kenny was interrupted by the ring of Ryan's phone.

         He pulled it out, quickly answering it, "He-"

         "Ryan, it's everywhere," Gabe told him nervously. _  
_

         "What do you-"

         "Somebody sent it to me. Please don't tell me everybody knows now."

         Ryan just stayed silent and looked at Brendon, who so happened to be glaring at the photographers and the person who took out their phone.

         "They  _do,_ " Gabe sighed, "what are you going to do?"

         "I don't know," he looked down at his feet.

         "If I got it in a matter of- what, a couple minutes?- then who  _knows_ how many other people here have gotten-"

         " _Holy_   ** _SHIT_** _!"_  Pete shouted in the background.

         "That answers my question," Gabe rubbed his face.

         "This isn't my fault!" Ryan said nervously into the phone.

         Brendon quickly looked at him, "What, are you saying it's  _mine?"_

         "I know, Ryan," Gabe said, "but what the  _fuck_ are we going to do, man?!"

         "Ryan, Brendon, how long has this been going on for?" one of the photographers asked.

         "Wait, Brendon's  _gay?"_ somebody from the crowd said.

         "That's not right," another person said.

         "He's cheating on his wife!" shouted another person.

         Soon enough, the room filled with questions, complaints, and Brendon yelling at Ryan, along with Gabe talking. Ryan soon became annoyed and fed up with everything and took the phone away from his ear.

         "Everybody just  _shut_   _ **up**!"_  Ryan ran a hand through his hair.

         The room soon quieted down, Ryan taking a deep breath. He brought the phone up to his ear, "I don't know Gabe, this isn't the best time. Try to do something, please. And try to keep the guys from seeing it. That is, unless Pete hasn't already shown everybody."

         "Yeah, too late for that, he's shown them all already. I'll try to stop it from going further, though, but it's probably already reached social media."

         Ryan looked down, "Thanks Gabe, but it was bound to happen sometime."

         "Good luck, Ryan," Gabe said softly, " _Pete, stop!_ _"_

         Gabe hung up, Ryan placing his phone back in his pocket. He looked at Brendon, "I never said it was your fault, Bren."

         "Then who's fault was it?" Brendon's jaw clenched, crossing his arms.

         " _Not_   _yours,_ " he rubbed his face.

         "But if it's not me, then it must be you, and it's definitely not you, so then it's me. Who's fault is it?" Brendon crooked his head, eyebrows furrowed.

         "Neither of ours. It's whoever  _sent_ the damn thing," he looked at the person who did it.

         "I didn't send it," the person said in defence.

         "Yeah right," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "Whatever," Brendon uncrossed his arms, "I'm leaving. Don't even come to the room tonight."

         Ryan turned to him quickly. "Wait, Brendon-" he grabbed his arm as he was leaving.

         Brendon tugged his arm away, not even saying a word as he made his way out into the hallway.

         Ryan looked down at the floor, not sure as to what he was feeling. Was it anger? Sadness? Did he feel hurt? Guilty? Whatever is was, he didn't like it one bit. He looked up to the guys, then spun around and made his way to the door, stopping at where the edge of the crowd ended, flipping them off, "Fuck you all." He ran towards the door, pushing it open. He looked down both ends of the hallway, looking to see if Brendon was still visible. Nobody but the janitors. He ran up to one of them quickly.

         "Excuse me, have you seen a guy in a funny dark blue blazer?"

         "Yeah, why?" the man looked up from the mop.

         "He's my best friend," Ryan explained, only telling him some of the truth.

         He looked Ryan over before chewing once on his gum, pointing to the left of him, being Ryan's right side, "He went that way."

         "Thank you so much," he started to run down the side the man pointed to.

         Ryan turned the corner, continuing to run down the corridor. He turned to the left, seeing as though that it was the only way to go. He continued down, pausing once he got to the middle of the long hallway in the middle of an intersection. He looked down to his right and noticed the exit, deciding to turn down that route. He slammed through the door, still hoping to find Brendon, but instead only finding fans and people just walking past the venue. He decided to run to the sidewalk, calling a taxi over. Once it pulled over, he got into the back and told the driver to take him to the hotel. He looked out the car windows, hoping to see Brendon walking by. Still, nobody was Brendon. He let out a long sigh.

         "You okay, pal?" the man asked.

         "No," Ryan told him truthfully.

         "Girl troubles?"

         Ryan chuckled sadly, "totally. Boy troubles."

         "Oh," the guy smiled. "Wanna talk about it?"

         Ryan looked up, "It's fine, thank you. I just said something and it came out the wrong way." He laughed at himself, "I'm so fucking stupid."

         "It's fine, man. He'll come to if you love him enough."

         "I hope so," he played with his thumbs.

         They drove on in silence. When they reached the hotel, Ryan thanked him and wished him a Happy New Years, paying him the amount needed and a tip. He got out and quickly made his way up to the 15th floor. He searched his pockets for the key card to the room while making his way to the room they were in, panicking when he couldn't find it. Before he reached the room he remembered that the card was in his wallet, so he quickly took it out and grabbed it, slipping his wallet back into his back pocket. He slipped the card into the door, pulling it out and opened the door fast.

         "Brendon, I'm sorry!" he quickly walked into the room, finding Brendon sitting on the end of the bed they hadn't used, head in one hand and looking out at the window.

         "Leave," Brendon said quietly.

         "I'm not going anywhere," he walked further into the room.

         "Then stay there," he said firmly, still quiet.

         Ryan didn't listen, walking towards the bed where Brendon sat.

         "I really meant it-" Ryan sat beside him.

         Brendon suddenly pinned Ryan down onto the bed, looking him dead in the eyes. Ryan just stared at him, taking a big breath.

         "I told you to  _stay there_ ," Brendon glared at him.

         "And I told you it  _wasn't your fault,_ " Ryan tried to move his hand, Brendon only pinning it down harder. _  
_

         He looked away for a second, Ryan knowing that meant Brendon knew he was right.

         "But it  _was_ my fault," Brendon looked back at him, face hard as stone.

         "It-"

         Ryan suddenly shut up, Brendon kissing him hard. He quickly closed his eyes, kissing him back. Brendon kept him pinned down, pulling away a bit and instead biting his neck. Ryan let out a small gasp, sticking out his neck more for him. Brendon let got of Ryan's arms, undoing his bow and Ryan's tie. Ryan quickly took off his jacket, throwing it behind him as Brendon started to kiss him again. Ryan gripped onto Brendon's hair as he took off his own jacket.

         "I swear, it wasn't your fault at all," Ryan pulled away slightly.

         "Shh," Brendon unbuttoned Ryan's shirt, kissing his neck, "save that for later."

         Ryan blushed, taking it off as Brendon was done doing his and moving onto his own, also throwing those onto the floor. Brendon left a trail of kisses down Ryan's chest, Ryan quickly undoing his belt. Brendon waited for Ryan to remove it entirely before abruptly pulling down Ryan's pants, taking his boxers with them, leaving him entirely exposed. He left butterfly kisses on his lower abdomen before tossing Ryan's pants over his shoulder. Ryan felt as an erection grew, although he was not yet fully hard. Brendon would soon change that though.

         "Eager now, are we?" Ryan spoke in a sultry manner.

         "Quite. Now get these damn pants off me."

         "Hey, before anything happens.. Do you, uh, have any-" Brendon cut Ryan off with with a rough, almost violent, kiss.

         "Don't worry. I've got plenty."

         Ryan smiled a little, and began fiddling with Brendon's pants, pulling them off as quickly as he could. He didn't want to wait any longer.

         Quickly reaching into his suitcase on the ground, Brendon pulled out a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. Setting them on the side table, he quickly returned to Ryan's side, intending to pleasure him to the best ability.

         "Rather than arguing with you," Brendon spoke in a deep, quiet voice, "I'm going to show you just how angry I am with you." Brendon grabbed a hold of Ryan's torso and put his lips against his lower stomach, the goal of leaving as many hickeys as possible in mind.

         "Oh yeah?" Ryan's words were shaky, as his breathing was being affected by the sensation Brendon's lips were sending through his body, "How exactly do you plan on doing that?"

         "I'm going to fuck you."

         Ryan smiled a little, Brendon looking up to make eye contact. He tried to play hard to get, but instead his words came out as a breathy, "Please."

         Brendon forcibly grabbed Ryan, planting his feet on the floor and bending him over so that his top half was on the bed. He stood behind Ryan, getting ready to prep him. He grabbed the lube and squirted a few small drops on his fingers before inserting them into Ryan's entrance. Ryan held his breath, reacting to the new sensations. Brendon bit his lip seductively, roughly sliding in another finger. Ryan's body jolted in excitement, making the corner of Brendon's mouth tilt into a sly smirk.

         "You like that?" Brendon asked.

         "Ye-yeah. I want you to do that again," Ryan's voice was weak and raspy.

         Brendon removed his fingers, leaving Ryan feeling empty.

         "Well, that's too bad. It seems to me like you're ready for more," Brendon said in a dark voice, reaching for a condom. He opened the packaging and walked a little closer to Ryan. "You're gonna have to help me," he gestured to his half hard dick.

         Ryan's lips wrapped around it without any more prompting, sucking gently on the head of Brendon's dick.

         "Deeper," Brendon demanded.

         Ryan took as much of Brendon into his mouth as he could without gagging until Brendon pulled away from him.

         "Good boy. But that alone isn't going to spare you from getting punished," he spoke.

         "Punish me all you want. Nothing hurts me more than upsetting you."

         "Then you're just going to have to work hard to get me back, now, aren't you?"

         "Y-"

         Brendon cut him off, "Shut your mouth or I'll fuck it."

         Ryan obeyed, although he had much too say. Without warning, he felt a familiar fullness.

         "Fuck, Brendon..."

         Ryan let out a loud moan as Brendon pushed deeper deeper and deeper inside him until he was all the way in. Brendon started to pick up the pace. Harder and faster. Ryan moaned loudly into the pillow, both in pain and ecstasy.

         "Brendon, faster please..."

         Brendon happily obeyed, slamming his hips into Ryan body as he hit his prostate.

         "Fuck," Ryan moaned.

         Brendon's hips crashed into Ryan's body, causing Ryan squirm beneath him.

         "Fucking shit, Bren."

         A few more thrusts and Brendon felt an increase buildup of pressure. "Fuck.. I'm close."

         Upon saying that, Brendon pulled out and forced Ryan onto his back. He pushed back in and grabbed a firm grip onto Ryan's dick, fucking him and jerking him off at the same time. Ryan couldn't handle it for much longer. He couldn't control his moans, which made it that much more enjoying for Brendon. Having so much control over Ryan, who was incredible vulnerable at the moment, turned him on even more. He felt so powerful. Ryan cried out in pleasure as he came onto both his and Brendon's stomach, as well as Brendon's hand. Brendon, who was not yet done, pulled out and tossed the condom, relying on Ryan's mouth to finish the job. Just as Ryan began sucking, they heard a knock at the door.

         "Fuck," Brendon breathed out, turning his head to face it but not removing his eyes from Ryan. "Who is it!?" he called out.

         "It's Spencer. Can I come in?"

         "Yeah, just a sec," the two scrambled to find whatever clothes they could. Ryan buttoned up his shirt, throwing back on his black jeans. Brendon found his shirt, but couldn't find any jeans. He really didn't want to stuff his boner into the leather pants he had on earlier.

         "If you guys are busy I can come back?"

         "No, it's fine. We're just tidying up. There're clothes everywhere and you can't really get through the door.

         Brendon quickly spritzed the room with the fair freshener from the bathroom to mask the musky smell. Ryan started stuffing everything under the bed, making a mental note to grab all of it when they were packing up to check out.

         "Here," Ryan said, tossing a pair of pyjama pants to Brendon, "I'll go get the door. You go... Deal with your situation in the bathroom."

         "Yeah, thanks," Brendon laughed, looking down at his obvious erection. He disappeared into the hotel bathroom, locking the door.

         Ryan opened the door, Spencer stepping in with a brown bag in his hands.

         "Where's Brendon?"

         "I'm taking a shit. I'll be out in a sec."

         "Blunt. Thanks for that, Brendon."

         "No problem!"

         "So," Spencer said, moving towards the beds. Ryan panicked a bit, calming down when Spencer plopped down onto the bed closer to the door, "everything's okay between you two?"

         "I, uh, I think so," Ryan blushed lightly.

         He raised an eyebrow, "You  _think_ _?"_

         "Y-yeah," Ryan laughed, "I'm pretty sure, at least."

         Spencer chuckled, placing his head into his hand, "What makes you say that?"

         "No reason," he said. A faint sound came from within the bathroom, Spencer being taken aback a little, and Ryan slipping his hands into his pockets in nervousness.

         "Having a hard time in there, Bren?" Spencer joked.

         "Oh, uh, y-yeah," Brendon spoke out in a slightly raspy voice.

         "Whatever you say," Spencer said questioningly.

         "So, uh, did the guys come with you?"

         "Yeah, they're back in the room. Jon's staying with us, too."

         "Wasn't he originally going to, though?" Ryan asked, the toilet flushing in the background and the water from the sink running.

         "Nah, the guys wanted him to room with you once they found out he was coming. Still, I wanted you and Brendon together."

         "Let's not forget that you wanted to spend some quality time with your honeybun," Brendon smiled as he walked out.

         "Yes, let's not," Spencer smiled back at him, "you should've gone on stage with those pants, dude."

         "The leather hurts after a while," he shrugged.

         Spencer bounced up, "We brought this back for you guys." He stuck the brown bag out to them, "It's Chinese."

         Ryan took the bag, smiling, "You didn't have to."

         "They forced me," Spencer said, forcing out a fake huff.

         "Well then, send my regards to the people who forced you."

         "Will not," he walked past them, grinning.

         "See you in the morning, babe," Brendon winked at Spencer.

         "Stop flirting with me," Spencer joked, "oh, hey, I'd call Gabe back if I were you. We called Pete on our way and Gabe was freaking out."

         "No problem," Ryan sat on the bed, placing the bag beside him.

         "One more thing," he stuck his head back in through the door. "I'd throw out the trash, too, next time," Spencer winked, making Ryan blush hard.

         He closed the door behind him, Brendon laughing. "Whoops," he spun around to face Ryan.

         Ryan looked down, embarrassed. Brendon laughed even more, walking closer to sit next to him on the bed.

         "You're adorable when you blush," he nuzzled his cheek, "not that you're not adorable all the time, but this just brings it out even more."

         "Wasn't the whole point of this to hide it?" Ryan continued to look at the floor.

         Brendon shrugged, "It's out. Sorry about that, by the way."

         He looked back up to meet Brendon's warm eyes, "It's not your fault."

         "I know," Brendon looked down for a second before looking back up, "but that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry for bringing you back into all of this."

         "Don't be. It was my choice."

         Brendon chuckled lightly, "And how is that?"

         "I made up my mind that day back in September to go see you guys. I didn't have to. I could've just stayed home and done nothing that night."

         "Pete would've found a way to bring you back into the group. I just made it worse, though."

         "I wouldn't have listened to Pete. I mean, I fucking hated the guy," he laughed.

         "Deny it all you want, but that man has got his ways," Brendon opened up the bag, taking out the food and the forks, "wanna watch the movies we brought and cuddle?"

         "What an entertaining night," Ryan joked, "why not?"

         "You can pick the first movie," Brendon picked a piece of chicken up with the fork, bringing it up to Ryan's face.

         He laughed, "No thanks."

         Brendon moved the fork closer and closer to his mouth, Ryan still not opening up. He shoved it onto his mouth, Ryan still refusing to open up. "C'monnnn," he pouted.

         Ryan shook his head, knowing that Brendon wanted him to say something just so that he could force it down his throat. Still, Brendon continued to press it up against his mouth. Finally, he just gave up on the idea of trying to be cute and grabbed Ryan's cheeks, squishing them together and then shoving the chicken in once they were even the tiniest bit opened. Ryan rolled his eyes, chewing on the food.

         "It didn't have to be that hard, man," Brendon rolled his eyes, picking up one for himself.

         Ryan chuckled, pecking him lightly before getting off the bed. He walked over to the suitcase, opening it up to pull out the five movies Brendon had brought with them. He flipped though the choices, stopping at one in interest and curiosity. He held it behind him to show Brendon, " _The World's End?"_

         Brendon shrugged, "Dunno. I think I got that one from a fan. Maybe as a gift. Either way, I haven't watched it yet."

         Ryan read the back briefly, "It came out this year... Or last year, technically, since it's now 2014."

         "We got it on the tour, I think."

         "Then let's go with this one," he placed the other movies on the night table, getting up to place the DVD in the player.

         He went back over to the bed, sitting next to Brendon. He grabbed another fork and picked up some of the food as well.

         " _Ever have one of those nights that starts out like any other night, but ends up being the best night of your life?"_

* * *

         Half way through the fourth movie, Ryan stopped it an turned off the TV. Brendon was already fast asleep on his arm in the pyjamas Ryan had found to be cute, the ones that they had changed into by the end of the first movie, sprawled out on both him and the bed. He brought the blankets up over them so that Brendon wasn't cold while he was sleeping, considering the room was freezing and that Ryan was too lazy to go turn up the heat. He was about to lie down before remembering about Gabe. He picked up his phone, almost placing it back down once he noticed the time. He forced himself to at  _least_ send him a text, so he did just that.

 

 

 

> _Gabe, what's up?_

 

         Just as he was about to lock his phone, Gabe instantly replied.

 

 

 

> **_You mind if I call_** **_you?_ **

 

         Ryan sighed, throwing the thought of sleep out the window. He called him instead of replying, hoping everything would be done soon enough.

         "Ryan, are you okay? How did things go? Pete told me that Spencer said Brendon was mad at you. Is he still angry? I'm sorry, what can I do?" Gabe answered right before the first ring.

         "Gabe, calm down," he chuckled quietly, "everything's cool. He  _was_ , but now it's fine. Really."

         "It's hit social media."

         "Bound to happen," he whispered.

         Gabe was silent for a second, "You're not worried about it?"

         "Well, I was, but now it's alright. I've realized that if you'd gotten it in a matter of minutes, it'd be impossible to hide, so I just kind of brushed it off."

         "If that's bullshit, Ryan, I swear to everything, I will-"

         "It's fine," Ryan laughed.

         Gabe let out a sigh, "What, you couldn't have told me hours sooner? I wan't sleeping for a reason, y'know."

         "Yeah yeah, sorry. Sleep well, man. Get some rest."

         "You, too," he chuckled tiredly. "Seriously, though. If there's anything I can do, and I mean  _anything,_ just let me know."

         "I will," he smiled, "I'll talk to you later, alright?"

         "Okay. Happy New Years, Ryan," he yawned into the phone.

         "Happy New Years to you, too, Gabe," he hung up, placing it back on the desk. "One of the shortest phone calls with him that I've ever had," he chuckled to himself.

         He slipped back under the covers, pulling Brendon closer as usual. He planted a kiss on his forehead, closing his eyes. "Happy New Years to us. I love you," he paused, smiling a little when he realized that was the first, "I love you," he had said to Brendon in the new year. He rubbed tiny circles on Brendon's back, Brendon relaxing even further, and Ryan slowly dozing off, turning the small circles into slow, sloppy ones instead. He was happy, the happiest he had been throughout the past few days with Brendon (although he loved all of the moments he's had with Brendon a lot). He let out a small sigh, content with what the new year had already brought them in a matter of hours. "Goodnight my little bird," he said in a gravely voice, finally falling asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's Chapter 16!! Wow wasn't that exciting ! So, here's something, it was a bit late bc I was waiting on my lovely friend StripJointVeteran from Wattpad to write a part in this chapter. He wrote most of the smut for this ((except for the small little part at the beginning of it and I fixed up a few things to it, but other than that, it was pretty much him)) so you can go thank him for that!! Thanks again for 300 hits, you don't even realize how much it means to me. You guys are amazing. Have a nice week and I'll talk to you all again whenever I post next!!


	17. Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan receives an unexpected surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, it's a short and boring chapter. Sorry. Speaking of sorries, sorry I din't get a chapter up last weekend. In all honesty, I have exams in about two weeks and I'll be super busy so sorry in advance if I don't post something. Thanks for your understanding, guys. You've always been so good to me wow why? Next week's chapter will be a little better as I have an idea on what I'm going to do for it instead of just jumbling a bunch of things together like this chapter. Thank you again so much guys ily all!!

         "Ryan," Brendon stared at the ceiling, arm across his forehead.

         He continued packing back up, pulling everything out from under the bed. Ignoring him, Ryan threw the clothes back inside the suitcase.

         "Ryan," he repeated.

         He put the movies back in.

         "Ryan."

         Still no answer.

         "Ryan."

         He threw out the paper bag filled with the take-out from their dinner.

         "Ryan."

         He spun around, "For the last time, we're  _not_ getting room service for breakfast."

         "But the guys are doing it," he pouted.

         "I've got everything planned, man, chill."

         "Our flight's at 2."

         "We'll be there by 1."

         "Will they serve breakfast?"

         "Only if you get ready in time. Now, get up."

          "No," he lowered his arm over his eyes.

         Ryan let out a sigh, walking over towards the bed. He sat on the free side, lightly kicking Brendon off of the bed.

         As he slowly slid off, Brendon glared at him. "Toss me clothes."

         Ryan just sat there, looking back at him down on the floor.

         "What?" Brendon asked when he wouldn't get them for him.

         Ryan just loosely crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows slightly in response.

         He studied him for a short second, letting out a long sigh once it hit him, "You wanted to go out to eat, so you pass me my clothes."

         "I'm sorry, what was that?" he tilted his head.

         "Ryan."

         "Brendon."

         "All I wanted were the clothes," he got up and walked into the bathroom.

         "And all I wanted was a, ''please,''" Ryan rolled his eyes, getting up off the bed to change.

         Quickly throwing on a pair of jeans and his baseball shirt, he got out another pair of jeans and a white t-shirt for Brendon.

         "Merry Christmas," he tossed them into the bathroom, Brendon catching them with his free hand. Ryan stood at the door, waiting for him to finish brushing his teeth so he could do the same.

 

         Ryan stood on the sidewalk as Brendon got the suitcase out of the taxi's trunk.

         "Need a hand?" Ryan asked.

         "It's cool, I've got it," he smiled at him, placing it on the sidewalk before closing the trunk. He stepped up and threw an arm around Ryan.

         They pushed open the doors of the airport, making their way towards their terminal. After a little while of walking, getting strange looks from a few of the people walking by, and having their bag checked, they finally reached their friends.

         "Need help?" Spencer asked as he saw them, smiling.

         "Sure," Brendon stopped.

         "But I asked you the same thing," Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         He shrugged and smiled, quickly kissing his cheek teasingly.

         Spencer swung the bag towards the pile of their suitcases. "Get any sleep last night?" he asked Ryan, winking.

         "Lots," he blushed slightly.

         "You're lying."

         "We watched movies and I talked to Gabe," he crossed his arms.

         "I'm just joking, man," Spencer laughed. "So," he clapped his hands together, "tour's starting in what, two weeks?"

         Ryan tilted his head, confusion plastering his face. Brendon looked at one of the walls across the room, "Um, yeah. 14th is the first date."

         "This is going to be fun," Spencer said smiled.

         "I never knew about the tour," Ryan turned towards Brendon.

         "Dude, you didn't tell him?" he asked.

         "No," he twiddled his thumbs, avoiding eye contact with Ryan.

         "When exactly were you going to tell me?"

         Brendon just shrugged. "Closer to the date."

         "When would've that been? The day before?"

         "What's it matter? You know now," Brendon looked over at him.

         "Whatever," he huffed, turning his attention to Spencer.

         "Don't get me involved," he shrugged his shoulders slightly.

         "Thanks Spence," he sighed.

         "You're welcome for unintentionally telling you," he teased.

         Jon and Dallon started telling a story about something Ryan pretended to listen to as he thought about what would happen during the tour.

         "Can we talk about this later?" Brendon whispered over to him, "Like, when we get back? Please?"

         "I guess," he fixed his gaze even harder on the two of them.

         "Thank you," he brushed his hand against Ryan's before turning his attention back to the story.

 

         They strode down the hallway as they exited the elevator, making their way back to Ryan's place. As they approached the room, they were both greeted warmly by Gabe.

         "What a nice way to start the new year," he smiled as they reached him.

         "The first half hour wasn't," Ryan shrugged, "what're you doing here, man? I thought you weren't back for another hour."

         "Our flight was early," he stepped away from the door so that Ryan could open it, "I wasn't here for long, though. Maybe, like, fifteen minutes before you got here."

         "How'd your start of the year go for you?" Brendon asked as they all stepped in.

         "Fun. If you call everybody freaking out over that incident fun. Pete's excited. Everybody else is chill and happy. Fans have been asking me and everyone if the picture was real."

         "What'd you say?" Ryan swung the bag around against the door of the bedroom before making his way back to the living room.

         "Didn't answer. I made sure nobody else replied to anything about it. It's up to you guys to tell them."

         "How fun," Brendon crossed his legs on the couch.

         "This is exciting," Gabe smiled. "We all saw it coming, though," he nodded his head to the side.

         "Did you, now?"

         "Yep. It was easy, too. Don't screw it up. You've already come close to it once today."

         "You mean  _he_ did," Brendon teased, pointing his thumb over at Ryan.

         "Yeah, but you didn't tell me about the tour so cut me some slack," he rolled his eyes.

         "Oh shit, you didn't tell him?" Gabe leaned forward.

         "Spencer told me thinking that I knew about it."

         "I thought you knew, too, in all honesty," he shrugged, "when were you going to tell him?"

         Brendon shrugged, "When it was time to go start the tour."

         "So what's going to happen?" Gabe asked, "If you want, Ryan, I can stay with you or something."

         "It's fine, thank you," he smiled at him.

         "He's not staying here by himself," Brendon scoffed, as if Ryan was his child and it was obvious that he couldn't stay in his own apartment by himself, "he's coming with me."

         "I am?" he questioned his hearing.

         "Well, yeah, why wouldn't you be? It was supposed to be a surprise but Spencer kind of gave it away."

         "That settles that, then," Gabe smiled.

         "I'm... I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Bren," Ryan thought for moment.

         "It'll be fun, don't worry about it," he reassured him.

         "It'll be fine," Gabe added in.

         He looked over at Gabe. "Maybe," he said to Brendon.

         "It's not like Dallon and Kenny hate you. The guys from The Colourist are pretty chill, too. Don't worry about it," Brendon placed his hand over his.

         "I just don't know about it," he licked the corner of his mouth.

         "Well," Brendon rubbed his thumb against the top of his hand, "the offer's there. I would really hate to leave without you, though."

         Ryan let out a sigh, "Now you're making me feel bad."

         "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

         "I know," he looked back towards Gabe.

         "Just go, I would say," Gabe said, knowing what Ryan was going to ask, "he was going to take you either way."

         "I'll think about it," he replied sheepishly.

         "Ooh," Gabe moved further onto the edge, "let's have a sleepover. We've got quite a bit to talk about."

         "Only if you brought snacks," Brendon teased.

         "Where's the nearest convenience store?" he got up.

         "Down the street," Brendon motioned his hand.

         "Be back in ten," he winked, walking out the door, "don't lock me out."

         "Quick, lock him out," Brendon said loudly to Ryan.

         "Fuck you," Gabe stuck his head back in through the door.

         Brendon looked him up an down. "Gladly," he teased.

         "Back off," Ryan jokingly said to Gabe.

         "I don't know, Brendon's temping," he chuckled, closing the door as he took his head out.

         They both sat there silently. Ryan looked down at his hands, Brendon watching him. Out of the corner of Ryan's eye, he noticed as Brendon opened his mouth but quickly closed it before thinking. He brushed it off, making his thumbs dance around each other.

         "Why don't you want to come with me?" Brendon finally asked.

         Ryan looked over at him, "I never said that."

         "Yeah, you did."

         "I said I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I never said I didn't want to come with you."

         "Pretty close to it. Whatever. Why don't you think it's a good idea, then?"

         "I don't know,"  _I do know._ _There are some things that I think it's better not to tell you about. This is one of them._ _  
_

         "Oh. Well, I would really love it if you came. I just wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm not forcing you."

         "Thanks," he gave him a small smile.

         Brendon pecked him lightly, pulling him into a hug, "If it's anything, you can tell me."

         "I know."

         He softly stroked Ryan's back in tiny circles, not letting go. They sat like that for a few minutes, moulding into each other as the minutes went by. One minute Brendon would be nuzzling his face into Ryan's neck, another minute he'd be playing with his hair, and then another he would be humming softy to a song Ryan couldn't recognize. Ryan relaxed as Brendon did all of these little things, trying to let him know that he was there for him if he needed it. More importantly that he wanted to know why Ryan thought of what he was thinking. Finally, figuring Gabe would be coming back any minute, he pecked Ryan's cheek, hugging him tightly.

         "I love you," he said quietly.

         "I love you, too," he looked down as Brendon pulled away.

         They sat back against the couch, waiting for their friend to come back. After a couple of minutes and Gabe not showing up, Brendon took out his phone. The door then opened, Gabe entering through it and kicking it closed with four bags of things.

         "Have you guys been sitting like that for the whole time?" he raised an eyebrow.

         Brendon shrugged. "I thought you ran away from us so I was about to call you multiple times until you came back," he joked.

         "You're like my overprotective boyfriend," Gabe rolled his eyes, "anyway, I got lots of snacks."

         "Really? I can't tell," Brendon said sarcastically.

         "Yeah. This is yours," he threw a bag of chips at Brendon. "And this is yours," he threw a bag of small chocolates at Ryan. "And the rest is for me. Now, what're we going to watch?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da there it is. Short and uneventful as promised. Next week's will be better since I have an idea for it. I love you all so much wow how did this get 20 kudos thank you thank you thank you!! Have a good week and I'll try to get Chapter 18 up this Sunday!


	18. Here We Go Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has finally come and Ryan makes his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo two chapters in tWO DAYS??? This is crazy wow. Hope you enjoy this chapter. It was fun to write. And it's not all different ideas mixed together like the last one. You're welcome. Anyway, almost halfway to 400 hits this is exciting. Thank you guys again. I know I say that a lot, but I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. Ily all thank you, thank you, thank you.

         "How long will you be gone for again?" Ryan asked sleepily.

         The sun hadn't even come up yet when Brendon woke him up, and he guessed it wouldn't be for another hour or two.

 

         Jump to when he had woken Ryan up not even fifteen minutes before that.  _What?_ he asked when Brendon shook him.

         Brendon just laughed at that and shook him again,  _Today's the day. C'mon, I want to give you more time to make your decision while I pack._ _  
_

Ryan swatted him away, looking him straight into his warm brown eyes. _Weren't you supposed to do that yesterday?_

         He shrugged,  _I was too busy with you yesterday._

          _We didn't have to go over to Gabe's last night, you know._

         Getting off the bed, Brendon grabbed his suitcase from their closet.  _Gabe's been bothering us for the past week. I couldn't stand it if he kept on pestering me about it the whole tour._

         Ryan took Brendon's pillow and placed it over his face, closing his eyes again.  _I could've lived with that,_  was what came out muffled.

          _Yeah, but you're not me._ _  
_

_Good thing, too._

         Brendon swiped away the pillow from over Ryan's face and kissed his nose.  _Up._

          _Why do_  I _have to get up?_ Ryan protested.

          _Because_ you _need to make your decision_.

 

         Jump back fifteen minutes later. "About a month or so," Brendon threw shirts into the suitcase.

         Ryan sat up, staying silent for a moment. "Call me everyday."

         Brendon looked over at him, his face instantly serious. He bit the side of his tongue and gave him a tiny, forced smile, "Of course."

         He pulled the blanket up a little bit, not sure of what else to say. He watched as Brendon got back to packing his things into the bag. He got out of the bed, deciding he'd probably go out and do something once Brendon left. Ryan walked over to the closet and grabbed the things he needed, taking off his shirt as he walked into the bathroom. Closing the door behind him, he quickly stripped down for a quick shower. As he shampooed his hair, a faint knock came from the door, making him pause.

         "Ryan?" Brendon spoke from behind the door.

         He stayed quiet for a second, wanting to make sure that he wasn't just hearing anything.

         He waited for a response, speaking up again when he didn't get anything back from Ryan. "Can we talk?"

         Ryan quickly rinsed his hair, "Yeah, I guess. What's up?"

         "Well," he leaned up against the door, "I don't want to force you to come with me, but I really don't want to leave you here."

         He sighed, turning off the water and grabbing a towel. "Brendon, it's fine. Seriously. Don't worry about it."

         "But I am worrying about it," he spoke.

         "Find a way not to, then. I just don't really want to go," he threw on his clothes.

         "But  _why?"_

         "I've got my reasons," he quickly styled his hair up, not bothering to dry it, and started to brush his teeth.

         "Please, just tell me," Brendon pleaded, again, not getting a response. "Ryan?"

         "Hold on," he said, muffled, mouth full of tooth paste.

         Brendon waited until Ryan finished, still waiting at the door. After the sound of water went off, he repeated, "Tell me, please."

         "Listen, Bren," Ryan swung the door open, "I just don't want anything to do with Panic! anymore. That's it."

         "There's more to it than you're telling me," he stated as Ryan pushed gently past him.

         "Maybe there is, maybe there isn't, but that's all you have to know."

         "Ryan, please come with me."

         "No Brendon, I'm not."

         He tugged on his arm, "I don't want to leave without you."

         "And I don't want to go, but obviously one of us isn't going to get what they want, now, are we?"

         Brendon loosely folded his arms, "Fine, but I'm going to miss you."

         "Yeah," he smiled a small smile, "I'll miss you, too. When do you have to leave?"

         He looked over at the alarm clock and thought for a moment. "Now," was what came out.

         "Oh," Ryan bit the inside of his cheek, "need help with that?"

         "No thank you," he smiled, taking the suitcase off of the bed.

         "Do you, uh, do you want me to drive you to the airport?"

         Brendon shook his head, "It's fine, don't worry about it."

         Ryan followed him out of the room, both of them entering into the living room and stopping at the front door. Brendon let go of the bag and quickly rushed over towards their office, returning with a white, square envelope in his hands and placing it into his bag. Ryan couldn't really tell what it was, but he had a pretty good idea on it. Brendon bounced up and put on his shoes, bringing his jacket and passport along with him.

         "Well, goodbye, I guess," Brendon rubbed his arm.

         "Bye," he slipped his hands into his pockets. "Call me when you get to Seattle."

         "No problem," Brendon connected their lips together, turning around as he pulled away.

         Ryan leaned against the apartment building's hallway as Brendon walked out, watching him walk away. He looked down at his feet before looking back up. "Wait," he quickly said, Brendon turning around to face him, his face serious and his eyebrows raised. "I love you," Ryan spoke, Brendon's facial expression dropping.

         "I love you, too," he said softly, turning back around.

         Ryan chuckled lightly, "I'm coming, dingus."

         With those three words, Brendon spun back around fast and rushed down the hallway. "Great, my plan worked," he winked as he kissed his cheek.

         "Oh?" Ryan raised an eyebrow, "And how might that be?"

         They rushed back into the bedroom, Brendon sitting on the bed as Ryan threw clothes in. "I don't actually have to leave at this very moment. I only said that so we could have time for you to change your mind and get packing."

         "Just for that, I've changed my mind again. I'm not coming," he joked.

         "No!" Brendon gabbed his arms, "I'm not letting you."

         Ryan brought his hands up to cup the man's face. "I dunno... My bed seems very welcoming," he climbed onto Brendon's lap and pushed him down lightly.

         "It's also very tempting," Brendon smirked, kissing his neck.

         Ryan let out a breathy chuckle, sitting back up, "We've gotta go soon, don't we?"

         "They can wait an extra ten minutes," he grinned.

         He shook his head and laughed as Brendon lowered him back down, unbuttoning his shirt in the process.

* * *

         They all sat in the dressing room. Kenny had out an acoustic guitar and was playing whatever came to mind. Ryan leaned his back against Brendon on one of the couches as he watched him play, Brendon's arm wrapping around him.

         "So, Ryan," Kenny began as he looked up from the guitar, "do you remember any of the songs you wrote?"

         "Oh, uh, a bit. Sort of," he replied, unsure of if he really wanted to talk about his old stuff. Brendon noticed as he grew nervous and tightened his grip around Ryan in comfort.

         "That's cool. Like what?"

         "I-I don't know."

         Kenneth stopped playing and stuck the guitar out to him, "Play something. I think it'd be cool to hear you play."

         "I'm not sure-"

         "You don't have to play any of our songs," Brendon reassured him.

         Ryan thought for a second before taking the guitar and playing one of his own songs. Spencer smiled as he watched him play, memories flooding back from their childhood. Dallon and Kenny watched in amusement, feeling that he was pretty damn good. Brendon sat there staring at his lap, his expression hard to read. Just as he finished playing, Spencer started clapping.

         "Is that one of your new ones?" he asked fondly.

         "Yep," he tried handing the guitar back to him, Kenny refusing it.

         "That was amazing," Kenneth smiled, "you're good."

         "Thanks. You're not too bad yourself," Ryan shrugged.

         "Thank you," he continued to grin before getting up, motioning Dallon to follow him. As Dallon walked past him, he gave him two thumbs up before walking out of the room.

         "What's that about?" Brendon asked Spencer who just shrugged.

         "Dunno. Maybe they've got gossip to trade," he joked.

         "Dallon, yes. Kenny, I'm not too sure," he teased back.

         They talked for a couple more minutes before Dallon and Kenneth came back into the room.

         "So? Any funny stories to tell?" Spencer joked.

         "Yeah, your shirt," Dallon winked at him as he sat back down.

         "Hah hah. Very funny."

         "I know it is, that's why I told you it."

         "Asshole," he leaned back in his seat.

         Brendon laughed, making Dallon speak up. "Now now, honey, do not use those words in front of the children," he gestured to Brendon.

         "I wouldn't, but, from his recent actions, he's not very child-like," Spencer winked at Ryan.

         "You're going to keep bringing it up, aren't you?" Ryan blushed.

         "You betcha," he laughed.

         "What's that supposed to mean?" Dallon raised an eyebrow.

         Just then, there was a knock at the door, followed by a man peeping his head in. "Showtime in 10 minutes."

         "Thank you," Spencer grinned.

         They all got up from their seats, Ryan following behind Brendon. As they got backstage, everybody was hustling about to make sure everything was ready and working, and that they all had their equipment set up. Brendon was pulled away from Ryan for a minute, leaving him to stand away from the busy working people. He noticed Kenneth talking to one of the crew members, them nodding in response to whatever he was saying. They caught him looking over and Kenny waved shortly before rushing to make sure their ear pieces worked. He observed as that same crew member from before set up an extra one, Ryan guessing that it was just in case something happened. Brendon quickly ran up to Ryan as somebody backstage shouted, "One more minute!"

         "Enjoy," he kissed him quickly, practically bouncing over to the others.

         Just then, the lights dimmed and a video played on screen, the crowd cheering as loud as ever. Louder than the New Years Eve performance. Dallon had explained to him earlier the way the setlist was going for that tour, so he knew exactly what the song was called as soon as they walked onto the stage.

         " _Vegas Lights,"_ he smiled to himself, proud that he got the name right.  _Oh, and it did happen to be Miss Jackson. Jon and I were right, I guess._

 

          _Oh, if you only knew_ _  
_

_what we've been up to,_

_I guarantee you'd keep it secret_

 

         Brendon looked over at Ryan, flashing a smirk at him.

 

          _So give it to me now_

_We're lost in a dream now_

_Do it 5-4-3-2_

 

         Brendon held away the microphone towards the crowd as they all sang,  _One more time!_

 

          _In the Vegas Lights_

_Where villains spend the weekend_

_The deep end_

_We're swimming with the sharks until we drown_

 

         The song went on for another minute before the crew started running up with a guitar and equipment.

         "Here Ryan," one of them handed him the guitar.

         "Oh, no, you've got it all wrong. I'm not in the band," he shook his head.

         "Well, now you are," he slipped the guitar over Ryan's head.

         "What? No, I-" he said as they slipped the ear piece in and handed him a pick. "Seriously, I'm not in the band, I can't-" the song ended and Kenny quickly running off of the stage towards Ryan.

         The crowd was all confused, but nonetheless, they were screaming in excitement. Brendon and Spencer looked confused as their guitarist ran off the stage, Dallon just getting ready for the next song.

         "Time To Dance is next. Break a leg," Kenny patted Ryan's back and nudged him forward.

         "But I-" he started to protest.

         " _Go."_

         Ryan knew there was no winning this, so he took a deep breath and stepped forward, swearing that he would give Kenneth shit for this after the show was over. Just as he stepped on stage, Ryan could  _swear_ he heard the crowd gasp before they all choked on their extremely loud screams, if that was even possible for them to get that loud in the first place. All he could hear were people saying Ryan's name over and over again. Brendon looked at him in surprise, nodding slightly at him for assurance that everything would go fine. Ryan looked over at Dallon and Spencer, nodding slightly to start the song. He started off stiff, not sure on what he should make of him performing with Panic! again, but soon grew more comfortable as Brendon took the microphone off of the stand and walked towards him. Brendon smiled as he watched Ryan playing, almost missing his cue to sing. Placing a hand on Ryan's shoulder, he looked off into the audience as they screamed wildly.

 

          _Well, she's not bleeding on the ballroom floor_

_just for the attention_

_'Cause that's just ridiculously on_

_Well, she sure is gonna get it_

_Here's the setting: fashion magazines line the walls_

_Now the walls line the bullet holes_

 

         Brendon nudged Ryan forward toward the other mic gently, not wanting to go past his comfort zone. Ryan took the hint and quickly stepped towards it, Brendon following along. They sang together,

 

          _Have some composure_

_Where is your posture?_

_Oh, no, no!_

 

 

         Ryan stopped for a moment to let the man sing by himself,

 

_You're pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger_

 

         Before joining in again,

 

          _all wrong!_

 

         They sang it the same way once more before Ryan stopped completely, guitar included. He ran a hand through his hair, letting Brendon sing the part before he would come back in.

 

          _Give me envy_

_Give me malice_

_Give me attention_

 

Brendon sang again, Ryan watching him as he stepped forward.

 

          _Give me envy_

_Give me malice_

_Baby, give me a break!_

_When I say "shotgun," you say "wedding"_

 

Ryan stuck his hand to his ear as if to tell the crowd they wanted to hear them sing as loud as their diaphragms could handle.

 

          _Shotgun,_ Brendon stuck the mic out as the crowd sang,  _Wedding_ , a wide grin appearing on his face, making Ryan feel all warm. This was the guy who was all his and nobody else's. This exchanging of, "shotguns," and, "weddings," went on once more before Ryan had to come back in with the guitar.

 

          _Well, she didn't choose this role but she'll play it and make in sincere_

_So you cry, you cry_

_They believe it from the tears and the teeth_

_Right down to the blood at her feet_

_Boys will be boys_

_Hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine Dreams_

 

         The chorus repeated, them both doing the same thing as last time.

 

         After the song was over, Brendon smiled at Ryan and said, "Great job, man."

         Ryan nodded with a grin, quickly turning around to run back off of the stage. As Ryan left and Kenny came on, the crowd's cheering mixed of " _Ry-an Ross! Ry-an Ross! Ry-an Ross!"_ _'s_ and a lot of happiness towards Kenny being back. As he tried to give the guitar and equipment back, the crew members just kept denying it and told him to keep it on.

         "Why?" he asked them.

         "Because," Zack said from behind him, "Kenny told us that you'll be doing all of the songs you wrote from back then tonight."

         Ryan just stared blankly, slowly smiling as Zack raised his eyebrows. "I haven't seen you in a while."

         Zack just shrugged, "Guess you'll be seeing a lot more of me now. How's everything?"

         "Cool, I guess. How's it going for you?"

         "Touring's been fun. Kenneth is a pretty rad guy and same with Dallon, but you probably already know that."

         "I hate Kenny now," he joked, "yeah, they're pretty cool. I like 'em."

         "Good, because you'll be spending a lot of time with them, too. Now, keep that stuff on because you'll be going back on after Mona Lisa is over for Martyrdom."

         "This is going to be a long night," Ryan huffed.

         "For you it should be nothing. They've got a whole 19 songs to play. Well, 16 after this one. You've only got 6 now. Have fun," he patted his back before he left.

         "Thanks Zack," he rolled his eyes.

 

         They had just went back onstage for their encore,  _Girls/Girls/Boys,_  the crew pushing Ryan back onstage for their last song. Kenneth quickly bowed before exiting stage left, Ryan hurrying to his spot beside Brendon. 

         "This is our last song for tonight," Brendon began, "I just wanted to say a huge fucking thank you to you guys for kicking off this tour with an awesome start. We fucking love you Seattle!"

         Just as Brendon said his last word, Ryan started strumming the first chord to I Write Sins. The crowd went wild and Brendon looked back at Dallon and Spencer, smiling wide. Brendon then turned to face Ryan and began to air guitar, making Ryan laugh. The crowd screamed even louder, a few girls at the front practically crying over whatever Brendon would do or say to Ryan. They sang together,

 

          _Oh, well imagine_

_As I'm pacing the pews in a Church corridor_

_And I can't help but to hear_

 

         Ryan let Brendon take the spotlight away from them both for a second,

 

          _No, I can't help but to hear and exchanging of words_

_"What a beautiful wedding!"_

 

He then joined in for the next, "What a beautiful wedding," before stopping again.

 

          _"What a beautiful wedding!" said a_ _bridesmaid to_

_"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a-"_

 

         Brendon quickly brought the microphone to the crowd, him jumping when everybody shouted,  _Whore!_ back at him, Ryan, Spencer, and Dallon included.

 

          _I chime in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?"_

          _No, it's much better to face these kinds of things_

_With a sense of poise and rationality_

 

         Ryan then chimed in behind Brendon,

 

          _I chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of-_

 

Leaving Brendon to finish the sentence on his own.

 

          _closing a goddamn door?"_

_No, it's much better to face these kinds of things_

_With a sense of_

 

_Well, in fact_

 

         Brendon continued to sing throughout the song, Ryan only joining in when he decided it was necessary.

 

          _Again_

 

         Brendon sang the last words of the song once it ended, Ryan strumming the last few chords with confidence and power after him. He smiled widely down at the guitar before looking back up at Brendon with the same expression. He  _really_ missed this feeling. Like,  _really really._ Dallon, Spencer, and Brendon all took a bow in the middle of the stage, Ryan just standing awkwardly at the front, not sure if he was really supposed to join in or not. Probably not. Or at least that's what he thought. Brendon quickly ran back up to the microphone, speaking into it one last time that night.

         "Ryan Ross, everybody!" he gestured towards him, making Ryan blush lightly.

         Brendon chuckled and kissed his cheek quickly before throwing an arm around him and leading them off the stage, making the crowd go wild one last time.

         "Ryan, you were amazing," Kenny told him as they all handed their instruments and equipment back.

         "Thank you, but you probably should've done my songs. I was a bit rusty at them."

         "No problem, you'll be getting used to them again throughout the whole tour," he winked before walking away.

         "Hey," Dallon spoke up, "we're going out with the dudes from the Colourist for a drink or two to celebrate. You guys wanna come?"

         "I'm fine, thanks," Ryan smiled.

         "Me, too," Brendon nodded.

         "You can go, you know. I'm not holding you back," Ryan slid his hands into his pockets.

         "It's okay, I'd rather stay in tonight, anyways. We've got Vancouver to hit up tomorrow."

         "I'll come for the food," Spencer told him.

         "Cool. We'll see you two tomorrow morning, then," Dallon waved as he and Spencer left.

         They walked out back towards the van in which they would use to drive back to the hotel (if they had one) after the shows. Tonight's van was a white one with tinted black windows, capable of carrying more than eight people. Ryan hopped into the back, Brendon following behind him. They had guessed that the others had taken the other van to wherever it was they were going. A few of the crew members got into the van before driving to the hotel.

         "How was it?" Brendon asked Ryan as they drove silently.

         "You guys were cool as always," he responded.

         "No, not us.  _You._ How was it tonight?" he asked again.

         Ryan shrugged, "I don't know."

         "You looked like you had fun," Brendon pointed out.

         "Yeah, but it just doesn't feel like before."

         "Of course it doesn't," he told him softly, "we've got new people. Jon wasn't playing with us, and Kenny would've been playing your songs if he didn't do what he did when it was your song. The crowd's even different, too. Nothing's the same, but it wasn't a bad experience for you, was it?"

         "No, not at all. It's just something I'll have to get used to is all," he reassured him.

         "If it's uncomfortable, just let me know, alright?"

         "You'd be the first person I'd tell."

         "Okay, great," Brendon smiled. "It's just, I don't know, it was your first time performing in a while so I'm a bit worried."

         "Don't be," Ryan shook his head, "it's just a different feeling."

         "Good or bad?"

         He shrugged, "Neither. It's neutral."

         Brendon nodded, looking out the front window as they continued back to the hotel. As they all pulled up, they got out and took their luggage inside, making their way to the front desk to get everything sorted out. When they got their keycards, they went up to their floors, the crew members going to their own and Brendon and Ryan waiting for their floor. They stepped out, making their way to their room.

         "Don't you get tired of doing this?" Brendon asked.

         "Doing what?"

         "You know," he made hand gestures, "the whole elevator thing."

         Ryan shrugged, "It's never occurred to me."

         They unlocked their door and stepped inside, Brendon putting the luggage onto the extra bed.

         "Can't we take the bed by the window this time?" Ryan complained.

         "What difference does it make?"

         "Well, for starters," he began, "it has the window."

         Brendon chuckled, moving the bag to the bed by the bathroom. "Happy?"

         "Extremely," Ryan rolled onto the bed, stuffing his face into the pillow. "What time is it?"

         "Time for you to get a watch," he sat beside him.

         "Hah hah. Aren't you a comedian? Seriously, that's the time?"

         Brendon looked over at the clock, rubbing Ryan's back. " **12:27**."

         He stuck his face out from the pillow to look at Brendon, "Can you get me pyjamas?"

         "What's the magic word?"

         Ryan sighed, shoving his face back into the pillow. "Please?"

         "I love it when you beg me," Brendon teased, getting up to get clothes for both of them from the bag.

         "Mmm, don't get used to it," he yawned.

         Brendon tossed Ryan's pyjamas on top of him as he changed into his own. Ryan reached on his back for them, sitting up and taking off his white shirt. Brendon sat beside him and intertwined their fingers together, leaving Ryan shirtless and only half grouchy. He brought their hands up to Ryan's face, gently caressing his cheek. Ryan let out a sleepy sigh, looking into Brendon's eyes with pure and utter love. Brendon smiled softly as Ryan just decided to forget about getting changed and instead focusing on how cozy Brendon's body looked to sleep against. Ryan practically floated into Brendon, placing his head in the crook of his neck. Brendon gently untangled their fingers, moving Ryan onto his lap and holding him close.

         "Brendon?" Ryan mumbled.

         "Yeah?" He spoke softly.

         "Thank you."

         "For what?" Brendon smiled.

         "For being my friend," he mumbled, smelling the nice scent of Brendon.

         Brendon sat there, Ryan on his lap, leaning into him like he's the only one who could protect him. Ryan felt as Brendon gripped tighter onto him, making him subconsciously nuzzle his face into him more if that was even possible. Brendon kissed the top of his head.

         "Thank you for coming back."

         Ryan shook his head lightly, "Don't thank me, thank Pete. He made me come."

         "Yes, but again, Ry, you chose to come that night. And I thank you for it."

         "Well then, I thank me, too."

         Brendon smiled softly, "That's what you should be doing."

         Ryan gently kissed Brendon's neck, "Goodnight, little bird."

         "I should be the one calling  _you_ little bird," he chuckled.

         Ryan just waved it off, toppling them over to lie down. Brendon kicked the covers out from underneath them, bringing them back up once he was able to.

         "Nighty night apple pie," Ryan pecked his lips before cuddling back into him.

         "If I didn't know any better, I would've thought  _you_  were the one who'd been drinking," Brendon stroked his hair.

         Ryan's eyes fluttered, trying to stay open, "I say weird things when I'm sleep deprived."

         "You say weird things all the time," Brendon poked his nose, adding a small little, "boop," to it.

         "Well, that's mean," he pouted.

         "I'm just joking, honey bun."

         "I know," Ryan beamed at the new name.

         Brendon rolled his eyes, "Night, Ry."

         "Goodnight my Brenny Bird."

         Ryan finally let his eyes flutter close, breathing steadily to the sound of Brendon's heart beat. This was something new. Usually it had been the other way around, but somehow Ryan had placed his trust in Brendon on protecting him that night.

         "What a big task for you to muster, Bren."

         "What do you mean?" he placed his chin on his head.

         Ryan paused, feeling as if he were about to fall asleep. "Tonight _you_  have to protect _me_."

         "Don't I always?"

         "No, not always. I protect you. You're my responsibility. Tonight, until the morning light comes, I'm your responsibility."

         It had taken a second for Brendon to understand what he meant. He smiled and pulled him closer. "I won't let anything hurt you ever. You have my word."

         "Promise?"

         Brendon nodded, "Promise. As long as you promise to do the same for me."

         Ryan nodded as fast as he could, "Yes, yes, yes, of course I will, Bird."

         "Good. Now sleep, Ry. We've got one show later and then we can rest again."

         "Anything for you, Brenny Bird. Thank you for keeping me safe tonight."

         Brendon let out a comforting sigh, "You're welcome, kitten. Have lovely dreams."

         "To you, as well. I love you."

         "I love you, too," Brendon gently shut Ryan's eyelids with his fingers, bringing him back closer again.

          _I'm safe for tonight. Then tomorrow it's back to me being the guard. I don't mind being the guard. I like being Brendon's guard. I get to keep him safe. This is my job, and I'm happy with it. Good night, Bird. Have fun being a guard tonight._ My _guard. You'll do an amazing job. I'm counting on you_ _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes Chapter 18!! Only one more chapter until we hit the 20s wow this is super cool. I'm excited af for what's going to happen and to know what you guys think of it. Also, comments are always very much appreciated!! Thanks for sticking through this story with me so far. There were a few times where I thought I would abandon this since I was getting super busy at one point but then I thought about how a ton of these are abandoned and how upset I've been in the past about them not being updated anymore so I just kind of pushed myself and found time for you guys. Anyway, thank you all again, ilysm. Chapter 19 up idek maybe Sunday!!


	19. Keep It Simple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He may be rude but he's not the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19 wow next we're on Chapter 20 this is actually amazing. Thank you so much for keeping me going in writing this, it means a lot to me. Enjoy the chapter, I hope it's okay as I'm writing this while I'm tired af. Hope you guys are having a good weekend!

         Brendon hummed, turning his head towards Ryan but keeping his eyes on his laptop, "Do you wanna come with us later?"

         "Where?" he asked, looking up from his book.

         "We've got an interview later. Much Music. You in?"

         Thinking about it for a second, he wanted reassurance, "I'm not in it, right?"

         Brendon shook his head, "Nah, I don't think so."

         "Then sure," Ryan looked back down to the spot where he left off.

         Chuckling, he turned his head back to where he was looking.

         "What?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "I didn't think it would be that easy."

         "For me to say yes?"

         "Yeah, I mean, look at how I had to convince you to come tour with me."

         Ryan laughed, "As long as I'm not going to be in it, I wouldn't mind."

         Brendon looked at him, eyes and all focused on him, smiling, "I'm glad you're coming."

         "I'm not saying I'm glad until we know I'm not in it for sure," he winked at him.

         "Either way you're coming."

         "I've already said yes. I'm not going to turn back on that now."

         "Another reason why I love you," he continued back to typing.

         Ryan rolled his eyes, looking back down at his book. "What're you typing?"

         "Just trying to figure some things out about the interview."

         "Isn't that your manager's job, though?"

         "Yeah, but I insisted on doing it myself."

         "And why would you do that?"

         Brendon just shrugged, "I like to know what I'm dealing with and sort it out if I feel the need to."

         "That's something new."

         "Stressing sometimes, but at least it all works out."

         "I guess. What did you sort out so far?"

         "Nothing, just confirming things. I've sorted the stuff out a little while ago."

         Brendon clicked on a button before closing the laptop and putting it down in front of him on the ground beside their bunk. He climbed onto Ryan's lap, closing his book and putting it down on top of the laptop before laying them down.

         "We have to be at the venue in a few hours, but a nap would be nice," he wrapped his arms around Ryan and nestled his face into the crook of his neck.

         "A few hours can wait, then."

* * *

         "Hey boys!" a man came up to them, a camera crew following behind him.

         "Hi," Brendon smiled.

         "I'm Michael, and this is my team," he stuck his hand out for Brendon to shake.

         "Oh, hey. Thanks for coming," he shook his hand, "I'm Brendon. That's Spencer, Dallon, and Ryan. Kenneth couldn't come, but he sends hellos to everybody."

         "Nice to finally meet you boys," Michael smiled.

         "We're not exactly teenagers anymore," Ryan slipped his hands into his pocket.

         Michael looked at him, forcing a smile, "Of course not. My bad, sorry guys."

         Brendon raised an eyebrow at him, "So, uh, where'll we be?"

         "Wherever you guys feel comfortable. Maybe on the balcony part?"

         "Sounds cool," Spencer nodded.

         "Great," he grinned, leading the way.

          _Well isn't this guy cheery,_ Ryan thought.

         Once they reached the area, they all took their seats, Ryan being the only one to sit on the steps.

         "Oh, you can come sit here, too," Michael motioned Ryan towards them.

         "It's fine, thanks. I don't really want to be in the interview."

         "Come on," he smiled again, "I've got questions for you, too."

         Ryan sighed, fixing his eyes on Brendon as if to say, _"_ _What did you say?"_ He hopped off the steps, walking towards them. _  
_

Spencer shooed Dallon one space down, making room for Ryan to sit beside Brendon.

         "All good with your order?" the director asked.

         They all nodded, Michael looking into the camera and holding a microphone that the sound crew had just given him.

         "Great. Where's the other one?" he looked at one of the sound people.

         "We're making sure it works, sir."

         "Hurry it up. We don't got all day." The man waited for them to give Brendon the second microphone before continuing. "Alright, it's question, answer, question, answer, question, answer, promotion, then cut to commercials, then repeat. If the questions are too short, add more."

         "You got it, Troy," Michael smiled into the camera, makeup people fixing his makeup one last time before moving away.

         "Three, two, one, action!"

         "Hello Toronto, and welcome to Much Music's interview with the lovely Panic! At The Disco!" Michael smiled even wider, if that was even possible. "Hello, guys! How're you all today?"

         "Great, thanks. Yourself?" Brendon gave him a friendly smile, Dallon and Spencer doing the same.

         "Good hear. I'm amazing, thank you! So next question," Michael giggled, Ryan trying not to let out a heavy sigh, "how has your tour been going so far? This is your first one since you've released your album  _Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die,_ right?"

         "Yep. We just finished touring with Fall Out Boy a few months back. It's been a real ride, this tour. Only, what? Seven days left?"

         "Eight," Ryan corrected Brendon.

         "Eight it is," Brendon turned his head to him and smiled.

         "That sounds fun. And so, Ryan, you've been playing with your old band again for this tour, huh?"

         Brendon handed the mic to him, Ryan taking it hesitantly, "Uh, y-yeah. Sort of. Kenny forced me to play our old songs last minute the first night. But I'm not actually in the band. It's not my thing anymore."

         "And what exactly  _is_ your thing?" Michael gave him an interested look, making Ryan roll his eyes.

          _Not you,_ he wanted to say. "Anything but Panic! At The Disco. No offence, of course, but I left for a reason and I intend to keep out of it. I have been working on music, though."

         "Well that's great to hear. We'll be looking out for that music this year or next year, then, it looks like." Michael turned to face the camera and smiled, "As for you guys, we'll be right back to ask these cool guys some more questions about their progress and lives after these messages from our sponsors."

         "And... Cut! Great, that was just right! Take a sip of water if you need to, we'll be filming again in a minute."

         As if on cue, a few assistants brought in water for them all. Nobody took the water except for Michael. Just moments later, Troy spoke again.

         "Alright, in three, two, one, action!"

         "Welcome back to Much Music's interview with Panic! At The Disco! So, who decided to name the tour?"

         "Nobody really," Dallon took the mic, "Spencer, Kenneth, Brendon, and I just decided to name the tour after our album. Promotions are always good."

         "That's interesting. And you guys are touring with?"

         "The Colourists. They're pretty cool dudes," Spencer answered.

         "And what exactly does your setlist have?"

         "It's a long list," Brendon shrugged, "I'm not even sure if  _I_ remember how it goes."

         "Vegas Lights is first," Ryan told him. "Time To Dance is after that. Then it's Mona Lisa, followed by Martyrdom, Kill Tonight, Gospel, I'm just saying all short versions of the titles really. Uh, next is Camisado," Ryan paused, "why are you still playing it?"

         Brendon just looked at him, not saying a word. Ryan did the same, waiting for an answer.

         "So, uh, what's after Camisado? Do you remember?" Michael asked, clearing his throat first.

         "Hurricane," he continued to look Brendon in the eyes, "New Perspective, Ready To Go, Casual Affair, Miss Jackson, Nine, Lying, Nicotine, Better If, Nearly Witches, followed by encores Girls/Girls/Boys, and everybody's favourite, I Write Sins. For most of the tour it was in that order, though."

         "How do _you_ remember that, but not the band themselves?" Michael asked, genuinely confused.

         "I don't rely on paper like they do. People backstage will usually tell me what's next, so I learn like that, I guess," him and Brendon still didn't break eye contact.

         "Well, that's interesting. Catch them on their tour, _Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!,_  on one of the next eight dates! More Panic! At The Disco after a few messages from our sponsors."

         "Cut! More water, then more questions. You're doing a fantastic job, guys. Keep it up."

         "You still haven't told me why you still use Camisado."

         "And I never will," Brendon finally looked away, leaning back into the chair.

         Ryan rolled his eyes and handed the mic to whoever wanted it, Brendon taking it as soon as it was offered to them.

         "Three, two, one, action," Troy grew a little tired of saying it, but still had some expression in his voice.

         "Welcome back, Toronto! We're here with Panic! At The Disco plus special guest Ryan Ross. Now, this next question is for you, Brendon and Ryan."

         "Great," Ryan mumbled.

         "Recently, all over the Internet, there has been a picture of you two kissing at an event. Is this true? Or is this just some fan's photoshopped work?"

         "It's real," Brendon looked down.

         "Is there something more to you fellas than friends?"

         "I, uh, I guess. Yeah."

         Ryan let out an annoyed chuckle, crossing his arms. "You 'guess,'" he said lowly.

         "By that I mean that we hadn't made anything official yet," Brendon rolled his eyes at Ryan, "I would like to think that we are, though."

         "You're more than friends, alright," Spencer chuckled.

         Ryan blushed, "You can stop bringing that up."

         "But I won't," he winked.

         "I still don't get it," Dallon said.

         "I'll tell you later," Spencer told him.

         Dallon nodded, Michael taking his chance to step in again, "But don't you have a wife, Brendon?"

         "Yes, but no. I'd rather not say why."

         "Was it because of the picture?"

         "Excuse me?" Ryan asked.

         "Assuming that she found out and she's leaving."

         "I'm sorry, but is that really something you should be saying?" Ryan leaned forward.

         "I'm just an interviewer. I ask questions."

         "Yeah, well you can fuck off as that question was unnecessary."

         Brendon smiled a tiny smile, happy that Ryan was standing up for them.

         "Sorry," Michael raised his hands in defence.

         "And no, just for the record, nothing happened because of the picture except for the fact that we couldn't hide it anymore. We're not like that."

         "Well, there you have it. Brendon and Ryan are an actual thing. Now you teenage kids wishing that it was have gotten your dream come true. We'll be tight back after these messages."

         "Cut. That was okay. It could've gone better. But we'll keep what we've gotten. More water!" Troy leaned on the railing, not sure if this was going to turn out fine.

         Ryan got up and started to walk out of the balcony area, Michael calling back, "Hold on! We've still got more questions to do!"

         Quickly, he hurried out and made his way to the tour bus, hearing footsteps matching at the pace he was moving at. He opened the door and walked out into the cold, the snow lightly falling down, not something he was used to. As he moved closer to the bus, the steps came closer, too. Of course, he knew who it was, he just wanted to get back into the bus and away from annoying and rude interviewers. He opened the door, stepping inside and leaving it open for Brendon, assuming he was going to follow him in, too. He walked to their bunk, kicking off his shoes so that the bed wouldn't get wet when he flopped down. The door lightly closed, up coming Brendon. He headed towards Ryan, taking off his shoes, as well, and laying next to him.

         "He was rude," Brendon spoke softly.

         "Who even asks somebody that question?  _Especially_  if you'd just met the person?"

         "People who don't get it. Anyway, I told the director I refused to work with Michael anymore. No more mean interviewers."

         Ryan smiled lightly, "What about Spencer and Dallon?"

         "They've decided to practice."

         "Shouldn't you be doing that, too?"

         "I told them I was going to talk with you. So hi."

         "Hello," he looked over.

         Brendon turned and lay on his side, bringing a hand to Ryan's cheek. "Hey, just for the record, I consider us official. Don't you dare think otherwise."

         "I know. I do, too, but at the same time, not really."

         "Hmm," Brendon thought for a second, "let me make it up to you, then?"

         "And how will you do that?"

         "I'll fix that. And I'm going to take you out on an actual date. We've never done that before. Tomorrow. How would you like that?"

         Ryan smiled, "I'd love that."

         "Great," Brendon smiled back, moving closer to kiss him.

         He lightly sucked on his lip, running his tongue along it. Ryan moaned softly, pulling his face in closer. Brendon took advantage of the moment and slid his tongue into Ryan's mouth, exploring the new area. Tugging on his hair lightly, Ryan whimpered for more, making Brendon smirk into the kiss. He pulled away, trailing his lips down his neck, lightly licking it along the way, which he picked up that Ryan liked a lot. He stopped at a spot he thought was good and started to suck on it, making Ryan moan again, this time a tiny bit louder. With no intentions on stopping, he sucked harder, excited to make the mark that would show everybody that Ryan was his, and his only. Ryan pulled Brendon fully over him, still gripping tightly onto his hair with one hand, the other under his shirt. Ryan felt as Brendon slid his shirt up, revisiting his claimed territory. A knock came from the door, Brendon ignoring it. He closed the space between their bodies by lowering his down to Ryan's, rocking his hips against his partner's. Ryan moaned louder, Brendon proud by the reaction he got. Ryan gasped out, the door knocking again. Brendon rolled his eyes and sat up, Ryan frowning.

         "What is it?" Brendon growled.

         "I just came to say sorry," Michael said from outside.

         "Leave," he looked down at Ryan, waiting for Michael's next words.

         "I'm coming in."

         "Do it and we're putting an even worse word in on your own behalf."

         "Fine. I'm sorry. That's all."

         "Great. Now  _leave_   _please,"_ Brendon rubbed his face, getting off of Ryan.

         "Okay, I'm leaving. Nice meeting you."

         Brendon sighed, "You, too." He shook his head at Ryan.

         They waited a few moments before deciding it was clear that he was gone. Ryan just continued to lay there, looking at the upper bunk.

         "Well, that guy's something," Brendon rubbed the back of his neck.

         "Yeah," Ryan looked at him, "kind of killed the mood."

         "Kind of," Brendon chuckled.

         "Probably for the best. We've got a show tonight, anyway."

         "Too bad. I was looking forward to that," he winked.

         "There's always tomorrow or the day after," Ryan shrugged.

         "We'll see," Brendon sighed, pecking him lightly before laying down on his chest. "We've still got a little while."

         "Another nap?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "Fuck yeah," he smiled, closing his eyes. "Oh, before I forget, that's probably going to leave a mark for quite a while."

         "Great," he sighed.

         "S'fine, though, because it shows that you're mine."

         "Great times two," he teased.

         "There'll be more where that came from," Brendon laughed.

         "Grea-"

         Brendon placed a finger over his lips, making Ryan chuckle. "Shh. Nap. You can get excited about it later."

         Ryan wrapped his arms around him, "Sounds fine with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Presto, there's Chapter 19!! Thank you again for all that you've done for me, guys. It means a bunch to me. Next weekend I'm not sure if I'll be putting up a chapter, as my exams are the week after this week and it's just going to be a really busy time for me. If I don't, have a good two weeks!! Chapter 20 (!!) up next Sunday (possibly)!!


	20. Unexpected Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a first time for everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had time this weekend so here's this week's chapter!! Hello Chapter 20, it was nice working on you! Also, thank you for 400 hits this is amazing wow. Hope you guys have had a lovely weekend!

         The cars halted to a stop at the red light, Brendon and Ryan walking forward across the street. Instead of going home for the next couple of days, they had decided to stay and explore the city that day. The sun was shining down through the tall metropolitan buildings and shops, the cold wind blowing them forward. Ryan wrapped his jacket tighter around himself as the rush of cars had blown gusts of wind in all directions.

         "Careful, there's a patch of ice up there," Brendon nodded up ahead.

         They stepped over the ice as soon as they reached the ending of the crosswalk where it met the sidewalk, matching the pace the people of Toronto were walking at. They continued to head forward, noticing a tall building with a big clock tower on it towards their left, resembling an old building of importance.

         "What do you think that is?" Ryan asked.

         "Dunno. Wanna go check it out?" he replied. Without even waiting for an answer, Brendon grabbed Ryan's arm and lead him up the steps towards a monument.

         They stopped in front of a plaque, reading the words written down onto the bronze plate for information on it. Ryan skimmed through the text, Brendon pointing at an area.

         "There. It was a city hall. Now it's a court house. There's a Starbucks across the street," he looked up at the building before spinning around to face the coffee shop.

         "We already had coffee, Brendon," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "Yeah, but it's cold and I want something warm."

         He sighed and turned around, walking down the steps as Brendon followed behind him, "Fine, but you're paying this time."

         "No problem. It's my treat," he smiled a toothy grin, the kind of smile that Ryan never wanted to fade away. The kind that brightened up his day. The kind that made him wonder how he could do it so perfectly, so naturally. The kind that made everything disappear. Most importantly, the kind that couldn't help but make him smile back, no matter what mood he was in and the time of day.

         They waited as the crossing light signalled the okay to go, making it across in a matter of seconds and walking into the shop. The long line of people quickly moved, letting Ryan and Brendon reach the front in under five minutes.

         "Hello, what can I get you?" the guy behind the cash asked them as soon as the people in front of them finished paying.

         "Hey, can I get a grande hot chocolate?" Brendon replied. Ryan raised an eyebrow at his choice, but smiling at it nonetheless.

         "And a tea, please? Same size."

         "I thought we  _already had coffee,_ Ryan," Brendon took out cash as the guy rung them up, looking amused.

         "So?" he shrugged in response.

         " _So,_ I don't make the rules here. You did," he handed the man the amount needed.

         "Yeah, but tea doesn't count," they walked around to the side, waiting for their drinks.

         "I'll remember that," Brendon leaned on the counter, playing with the scarf Ryan had put on to cover up the mark he had left on his neck the day before. "I think this is one of the only times I was able to actually tour Toronto without just passing through it, actually," he said off the top of his mind.

         "It's nice, no?"

         "It is. I just wish it wasn't so damn cold," he let go of the scarf to warm up Ryan's hands.

         "Hot chocolate and tea," one of the baristas slid the cups to the end of the counter, Brendon and Ryan grabbing their drinks.

         They walked out, continuing onto their journey. They continued to walk down the busy streets, looking at all of the places. Eventually, they ended up at some area with the street names of Yonge and Dundas. The area was filled with many people exiting and entering this one big building with shopping bags, making them assume it was a mall. Others were coming out of the smaller shops or restaurants, giving them ideas on where they could have dinner later. The life of the city had always amazed Ryan, but what amazed him more was that people in cities as cold as these-maybe even colder-could get around so naturally, like it didn't really bother them as much as he thought it would've. Another gust of wind blew past Brendon and Ryan, this time hitting them front-on.

         "I can't take this," Ryan laughed, pulling Brendon into the corner of the mall entrance.

         "Cozy," Brendon leaned against the wall, "but it's probably warmer  _inside_ rather than in the corner  _outside._ Just an idea, though."

         Taking his advice, he walked over towards the doors and opened one of them for Brendon before walking in. As soon as they got in, they were greeted by a department store, big and messy.

         "Definitely an easy place to get lost in if you don't know it," Ryan scanned the area further.

         Brendon walked forwards, facing back towards Ryan. "That's the best part," he extended his arms to his sides.

         Shaking his head, Ryan followed behind him, keeping track of all of the signs.

         "Oh shit, dude," Brendon spotted a sign, pointing up the escalator, "there's a Topman."

         "You really want to go there?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "Please?" he begged him with his eyes, Ryan looking away and moving towards the escalator.

         "We've gotta go up there, anyway," he sighed, "but just letting you know, that's not always going to work."

         "Yeah, that's what you've said the last few times I've done it," Brendon chuckled, following behind him.

         Arriving at the second level, they were instantly greeted with the Topshop and the Topman stores, Brendon pulling him along. He scanned through the store, making beelines towards whatever caught his eye, making sure to always drag Ryan along with him.

         "I'm not going to leave," he rolled his eyes when Brendon found another shirt across the isle that he had liked.

         "I know, but I need your opinion on things."

         "You haven't asked me anything yet," Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "I will," he flipped through the shirts on the rack. "Maybe," he said quietly.

         He pulled out a burgundy long sleeved, baggy shirt, holding it up against Ryan.

         "I don't want it, thanks," he swatted his hands away.

         "I know you don't. I'm just holding it up against you to see how it looks."

         After a few moments, Ryan folded his arms. "So?"

         "I think I need a size bigger. You're smaller than me size wise and it looks like it'll be baggy on you, therefore it's going to fit just right on me."

         "Isn't that what you want?" Ryan asked, confused.

         "I want it baggy," he pulled out another one in a bigger size, measuring it up against Ryan again.

         "Why don't you just try it on?"

         "I don't want to bore you," he pulled the shirt away, throwing it over his shoulder.

         Once again, Ryan was instantly pulled away towards another section, Brendon grabbing a regular grey sweater of the same size.

         "We're done here," he dragged him over towards the cash register. Waiting, Brendon asked, "You sure you don't want anything? I'll get it for you."

         "It's fine," he smiled, the person leaving and letting them step up to pay.

         Leaving the store, they found that there was a bridge from their building to another, people walking in and out of it with bags from different places. Brendon decided to follow the group of people into the other half of the mall, pulling Ryan along behind him. They entered through the doors, seeing a whole new section with many separate stores, some they knew of and others they didn't. Ryan followed as he pulled him towards the mall directory, Brendon scanning it over.

         "There's a music store here. Let's find that," he looked at the picture of the mall itself, finding where they were and how they would get to it.

         "There," Ryan pointed to it, Brendon still making a route to their destination.

         "Follow me," Brendon pulled him again.

         "Like I have a choice," he teased.

         Ryan, this time, decided to follow beside him as he grew tired of being pulled around, which Brendon didn't mind either way, it seemed. They made their way down to the second floor, following down the path of many stores. Finally, they reached the HMV of the mall, walking inside. Brendon headed straight for the Pop/Rock section of the area, Ryan following behind him once more. They stopped at the  _P's,_  Ryan assuming Brendon was looking for his own band. He stopped at one of the bands, slowly pulling out a black and white CD case. He smiled softly at it before speaking up, "Remember this?" Brendon handed the album to Ryan, waiting until he took it.

         Looking down at the case, his face fell a bit, "Oh." The picture on the front of the lyric booklet showed four people sitting and looking at pretty much all of each other. The first person on the left looking down below. The second and fourth person looking back at person number three. The third person looking at the second person. Spencer was looking at whatever, him and Brendon were looking back at Jon, and, well, Jon was looking at Ryan.  _...Live In Chicago_ was what it read underneath it.  _Panic At The Disco_ is what it read over them.

         "That tour," Brendon looked up at him, smiling lightly, "that was fun."

         Ryan looked at the CD more, "Uh, yeah, it was."

         He turned his focus back towards Panic!'s section, getting a sense that Ryan didn't really want to talk about it. He pulled out another CD, bouncing towards him.

         "Who's this sexy guy?" Brendon teased.

         Ryan looked back up at the new CD he was holding, smiling a bit, "He looks an awful lot like that guy from that one band. What's his name... Pete Wentz?"

         "Hah hah. Super funny," he rolled his eyes.

         "Never mind, I think they're getting it," a girl said from down the isle to her friend.

         Ryan looked over, "Which one?"

         "Oh, don't worry about it. I'll just get something else," the girl smiled at him.

         "No, really, we're just looking."

         "Hmm. Well, that one you're holding," she told him.

         " _...Live In Chicago?"_

         "Yeah. We're getting it for my friend's birthday. She loves them."

         "Go ahead, take it," he extended the album out to them.

         "Are you sure?" her friend asked.

         "Yep, I already have it."

         "Thank you," the first girl grinned widely at him, beaming, "this means a lot to me."

         "No problem," he smiled back.

         "Hey, you know, we could get that signed for you after," Brendon told them.

         "Really?" the second girl asked, confused.

         "Yeah, we're close friends. Only two of them are in town today, though, is that okay?"

         "Oh, well, I mean," the girls looked at each other.

         "You don't have to meet us anywhere if that's what you're thinking," Brendon reassured them, "as soon as you buy it we can get it done here in a matter of minutes."

         The two of them thought for a second before either of them answered. Finally, the first girl spoke up, "And we don't have to leave the store?"

         "Nope. Not at all."

         "Okay," the second girl smiled, "that'd be super cool, thank you!"

         Brendon nodded at them with a grin, the two of them going to pay for it.

         "Do you have a sharpie or something?" Brendon asked Ryan.

         "I usually don't get asked for autographs, Bren," he rolled his eyes.

         "Right. I'll go see with the people at the registers, then."

         Ryan watched as he walked towards them, asking for the marker and returning.

         The two girls came back moments later with the CD.

         "Here," the first girl pulled it out, "how long do you think it will take?"

         "Fast. You don't mind if we take the wrapper off of it, do you?" Brendon replied.

         "Not at all," she took it off, handing it to them.

         Brendon opened up the CD and pulled out the lyric booklet, the two girls even more confused than before. He signed the top right area before handing it and the marker to Ryan. He decided to put his on the top left area, making the two sides symmetrical. He slipped the book back into the case and closed it, handing the album back to the girls. He then closed the marker, deciding to hold on to it. The girls just looked down at the CD before it all clicked.

         "You guys are in the band?" the first girl asked, extremely surprised.

         "No," Ryan told her, "he is, but I  _was."_

         The two girls looked at them, their expressions blooming into a bouquet full of surprise.

         "Oh shit, you're the Brendon guy she loves and then you're the Ryan one," the second girl just blurted out.

         "What, do I not get love, too?" Ryan teased.

         "Nonono," the girl said fast, "that's not what I meant. She  _idolizes_ you, man."

         He noticed through the corner of his eye as Brendon smiled at him, making him smile even more. "Wow, I never really thought that would've been something somebody would have done."

         "Well, then, you can thank her," she smiled.

         "Oh, I know this is a lot, but would you mind if we took a picture of you guys for her present, too?" the other girl tried.

         "Of course," Brendon smiled, waiting for the girls to pull out their phones before blowing kisses at them, making Ryan chuckle.

         After the girls took their picture, they thanked them a few times before they had to leave. Ryan picked up the album that Brendon had put back down, reading it over. _Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!_. It was that album mentioned a few times in the interview. He carried it towards the register while Brendon was busy looking at some other CDs, paying for it. After they were happy with their browsing and their purchases, they both walked out of the store, making their way out to the front after Brendon became bored with the mall.

         "I told you people like you," Brendon linked his arm around Ryan's.

         "Yeah, but, I don't know. I feel like they were just saying that," he shrugged.

         The walked further down, passing the restaurants and smaller shops.

         "You know what I've noticed," Brendon said lightly, "you talk so lowly about yourself all the time, but in reality, I find you to be one of the most amazing people I've ever known. I wish you could see that."

         Ryan smiled softly, "Yeah. Me, too."

         "No, seriously," Brendon looked over at him, "I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I will do anything I can to make you feel that you are loved by so many people."

         "Good luck with that," he muttered.

         "Thank you, but I don't need luck in this case."

         "Well then, have fun trying," he slipped his hands in his pockets, trying to warm up.

         "I'll have fun making you feel great about yourself, thanks," Brendon dropped the conversation then, both of them continuing back to the hotel.

* * *

         "Well, don't you look nice," Brendon smiled as Ryan walked out of the bathroom.

         "Really? I don't know, it seems like a little too much," he smoothed out his suit jacket.

         "The place looked fancy," he walked towards him, looking at the jacket. "Maybe lose the buttons," he undid them as he reached Ryan.

         "Do we really have to do this?" Ryan frowned, not really seeing the point in it.

         Brendon looked up and smiled, "Not really. But I want this to be special, you know?"

         "Just watching a movie would've been special."

         "We've done that before," he pointed out.

         "And we've done dinner before."

         "Yeah, but not just the two of us," Brendon shrugged, walking towards the nightstand to grab his phone and wallet, then making his way past Ryan towards the door. "Come on," he extended his hand as he opened the door, "it'll be fun."

         Ryan sighed lightly, taking his hand. "But what if it's not?"

         "It will be. And we'll watch that movie after. Get popcorn and cuddle and shit. You know, like in those cliche romcom films. Only, it's real life." He pulled Ryan along out the door, making their way down past the big windows on the one side of the hall and the fancily framed mirrors lining the creme coloured floral wallpaper and hanging over dark brown washed vanities on the other. Ryan looked at all of the plants; some fake, others real.

         "Sounds like you've gotten it all planned out," he smiled as they stopped in front of the elevators, Brendon reaching over to press a button.

         "You better believe it I've got everything planned out," Brendon smirked to himself

         Ryan caught a glimpse of it, thoughts running through his mind. It's already almost 8, not to mention on a Sunday. And in the beginning of February. Nothing was crossing his mind on what it could be. He highly doubted Brendon knew the area better than he did himself, and he didn't really remember him going on his phone too much except to reply to texts and the occasional search on Google Maps to figure out where they were. Unless, that was it. He probably had found something while trying to get, well, unlost.

         "Or at least I would think it will be fun," they got into the elevator. "Aside from clubs, they've got other night activities. Plus a few of my own ideas, but let's not get that crazy," he chuckled lightly.

         "I trust you," Ryan shrugged, leaning against the mirrored walls.

         Brendon nodded, grinning. They waited as they reached the ground floor, entering out of the hallway and being instantly greeted by the big widows with a small, man-made waterfall behind it surrounded by the greenery of trees and bushes, not to forget the lights shining at it. It all went really nicely together with the main floor's theme of browns and cremes, big lights and a modern feel. They walked past the breakfast buffet, which was closed for obvious purposes, and all of the couches and tables waiting at the front of the lobby. Ryan and Brendon walked out the tall and tinted glass doors, stepping out into the cold busyness of the city's nightlife. Quickly, they made their way down the stone path towards the sidewalk, hailing a taxi as soon as they had seen one. Brendon made Ryan get in first, "Wanting him to get out of the cold," as he had put it. After Brendon entered in, he spoke up confidently, "The Keg on York Street, please." The driver nodded, getting on their way.

         Ryan raised an eyebrow at him, chuckling.

         "I may or may not have searched it up," Brendon answered his question, warming up his hands in his own, "but the next one I didn't have to search up."

         "Are you sure about that?"

         He nodded, "I remember when we walked past it."

         "Where was it?"

         "I'm not telling, but we'll have to go back to the hotel after dinner before going to our next destination."

         Ryan thought for a moment, trying to figure out what they would be doing that required going back to the hotel before it.

         "I don't think you noticed, don't even bother trying."

         "I'll try if I want to," he told him.

         "What is it, then?" Brendon raised an eyebrow.

         He thought again before pouting, "Doesn't mean that I'll get it, but still, at least I tried."

         Brendon chuckled. "Right. I'm sorry," he apologized, stroking the top of his hand with his thumb.

         "You're forgiven," Ryan grinned, the taxi pulling to the side of the road.

         Brendon looked at the amount of cash he had to give the driver, giving the correct amount before stepping out. He offered his hand to Ryan as he got out, but instead he just denied it while entering the cold nightlife once again. Ryan looked up at the building, drawn into it's exterior design. Oh boy, if that was only the outside, he could only  _imagine_ what it would look like on the inside. As they stepped into the restaurant, Ryan took in a breath at the sight, making Brendon smile. There were a lot of people there, forcing them to wait a few minutes before being able to get to the front desk.

         They were greeted with a smiling young girl in a black dress with long blonde hair and dark green eyes, or that's what the light made them look like to Ryan, at least. "Hey, do you have a reservation?" she asked, her voice like sugar yet loud, trying to project herself to them over all of the noise from the crowd.

         "Uh, yeah, under Urie," Brendon leaned against the counter, smiling back.

         The girl looked him over before looking at a book. "Brandon?" she clarified.

         " _Brendon_ _,"_ he corrected her.

         "Oh, sorry about that. Here they wrote down 'Brandon.'"

         "No problem," he waved it off, waiting to hear how long they would have to wait.

         "Give me a moment. I'll be right back," she smiled at Brendon before walking away to talk to one of her coworkers.

         Brendon turned around to face Ryan, laughing almost instantly at his expression. "I'm not into her, don't worry."

         "Yeah, but she sure seems interested in  _you,"_ he rolled his eyes.

         "I'm not going to go from gay to straight in a matter of just meeting somebody," he told him.

         Ryan raised an eyebrow, "Sarah and I?"

         Brendon paused for a moment, thinking. "Oh yeah. That doesn't count, though. I've known you for years. And same with Sarah."

         "But I somehow accidentally ended your marriage in a matter of months," he folded his arms.

         "Yeah, but that still-"

         "Your table's ready. Just follow me," Green Eyes smiled at Brendon as she came back to the front desk.

         "Cool, thanks," Brendon nudged Ryan along as they followed her to their seats.

         "Your server's name is Lawrence this evening," she told Brendon, "and my name's Sofie. Enjoy your meal."

         'Sofie' winked before walking away, leaving Ryan to slump back in his seat.

         Brendon shook his head, "Still not into her."

         Ryan just looked at him, not with any emotion, just studying his face. He often found himself doing that whenever something caught his eye or when he wanted to stop thinking for a moment. It was one of those moments Brendon was used to, too. Ryan noticed that he would let him study it, all of what Ryan called perfections and Brendon agreed with, but even some Brendon would disagree with and instead call imperfections. He would let him study it all before deciding to pull a face to make him laugh. Or smile. Or question. It just depended on Ryan's mood. This time, Brendon let it go on for longer than usual. At first he didn't get why he hadn't done it yet, but then it occurred to him that this time Brendon was studying him, as well. Brendon's eyes looked softly into his as soon as they met. Ryan blushed lightly and smiled. "What?" he continued to look into his eyes.

         "Nothing," he hummed, "just thinking about how we got here."

         "By taxi?" Ryan raised an eyebrow, making Brendon chuckle lightly.

         "Not like that. Like, you know,  _here."_

         He thought for a moment as Brendon placed his head in his hands. "It's only the beginning."

         "And I'm glad. I wouldn't want it to end any time soon."

         "Me neither," he smiled. Really, Ryan didn't want it to end at all.

         They continued holding their gaze. All that was running through his mind at that moment was how lucky he was to be back with Brendon, let alone together. The dim lights of the restaurant glimmered softly through Brendon's hair, adding even more effects to the outline of his body. The waiter came up, forcing them to break their hold.

         "Hello," he smiled, "I'm Lawrence, but you can call me Ren. I'll be your server for tonight. Can I start you guys off with drinks or anything?"

         "Yeah, please, can we get a bottle of red wine?" Brendon asked him.

         "Which brand, Sir?"

         "The nicest one you've got."

         "Sure thing," Ren nodded. "Any appetizers?"

         "No, thanks," he smiled.

         "Great. I'll be right back."

         As Ren walked away, Ryan raised his eyebrows in amusement, "Fancy."

         Brendon smiled, opening the menu. "I planned on it."

         Ryan watched as he looked it over. Brendon's eyes set on something, closing it as soon as he found his choice. Ryan completely forgot to look his over, of course, remembering as soon as Ren came back with the dark bottle.

         "Here you go," Ren smiled, "what'll we be having tonight?"

         "The top sirloin, please," Brendon waited for him to take the menu, giving it to him once he wrote it down.

         "Are fries okay?"

         "Sure," he smiled.

         "And for you, Sir?" Ren turned to Ryan.

         "Uh, same thing, thank you," he decided to say, not knowing anything else.

         "Also with fries?"

         Ryan nodded once, handing Ren his menu. You know, the one he hadn't looked at.

         "Great. If you need anything else, just ask," he told them before heading off to another table.

         Brendon pulled out his phone, checking something before typing. "Who's that?" Ryan asked.

         "Gabe," he told him, "he won't shut up."

         He chuckled, "What's he saying."

         "The usual. You know, ' _stay safe,' 'have fun,'"_ Brendon looked up and smiled, "' _what's Ryan wearing?'_ That stuff."

         "What'd you tell him?" Ryan laughed more.

         "Nothing," Brendon went back to texting.

         "No, seriously, I'm curious."

         "Yeah, I told him, 'nothing.' And then he sent a picture."

         "Of what?"

         Brendon tapped on the image before showing him, "A meme."

         Ryan read it over and smiled, "Loser."

         "You could say that again," he locked his phone, slipping it back into his pocket.

 

         "How was it?" 'Sofie' smiled at Brendon.

         "Great, thanks," he replied as Ryan followed him out of the dining room.

         "Good to hear. Here's our card for whenever you come back," she picked one up and wrote something down onto it before handing Brendon it.

         "Cool. Have a good night," he smiled as he slid the card into his pocket without reading it.

         They walked out the big doors, waiting for another taxi to come by. Ryan folded his arms, rubbing them to keep warm. It hadn't even been a minute since they stepped outside and yet he was already freezing. That was what he didn't get. Brendon noticed and quickly looked around for one again, failing to find any driving past them.

         "Down there," he pulled Ryan along after spotting one parked in front of another restaurant down the street.

         They hurried towards the car, hoping for it to be available. Brendon was the first to reach the cab when two girls stepped out of it. Ryan waited as Brendon asked if he was waiting on them or not, quickly shoving him in after the man said he wasn't. Brendon sat in the seat beside Ryan before closing the door and asking him to take them to the hotel they were staying at. They drove back in silence, arriving there in less than 10 minutes. Getting out, they rushed back inside and made their way to the elevator, passing the dead lobby, still all lit up. Brendon and Ryan got into it, going up to their floor. They exited the lift and made their way down the creme coloured wallpapered corridor, looking at the door numbers.  _562, 564, 566,_ Ryan read them,  _574, 576_. They stopped at the last number Ryan had read, Brendon pulling out a keycard to unlock it. He picked up his jacket and looked over Ryan, thinking for a moment before shaking his head.

         "What?" he asked, picking his up as well.

         "Just thinking if we should change or not. I don't think it would really matter," he slipped it on and took out gloves, tossing them at Ryan. "You'll need them," he told him.

         Ryan nodded, putting on his jacket and the gloves before following Brendon out again. They once more walked down the hallway, past all of the windows and mirrors, all of the fake and real plants, all of the stained brown vanities, all before entering back into the same elevator covered with mirrors. Once they reached the ground floor and exited the dead lobby, Brendon bounced.

         "Now comes the fun part," he took his hand and pulled him down the sidewalk.

         They didn't even bother waiting for a cab this time, Brendon just continued to pull him down the street. "How far is it?" it made Ryan ask.

         "Not too far. It's around the corner."

         So that's what they did. The made their way down the busy street, streetlights and car lights lighting up the walkway. As they got to the intersection, Brendon turned them to the right, continuing to walk down the path before waiting to cross straight across the street. The cars and buses blew gusts of wind, the cold night feeling even colder than it already was. As they crossed the street, Ryan noticed the big Old City Hall down towards the right of them, the big clock glowing white and the CN Tower behind it all lit up in different changing colours. At that moment, it had just turned red. They stopped before a big arch before Brendon let go.

         "Wait here, I'll be back in a few."

         Ryan didn't even have a say in going with him or not, Brendon just turning away before he could even object. He huffed, turning to face the Old City Hall and CN Tower again. Now, the tower had turned blue. He watched it as it swayed slightly side to side, not able to take his eyes off of it. Yeah, maybe this city didn't quite compare to his, but he most definitely agreed that it was more beautiful than he had thought, especially at night. Groups of people all dressed up in evening wear walked past him, others were waiting for the bus or just having a smoke. A homeless woman and what might have been her daughter sat up ahead, huddling together for warmth. There was something different about them. No, they weren't asking for anything, and no, they weren't 'bothering' anybody for things, either. Ryan walked up to them and sat down next to them, speaking up when they didn't notice.

         "Hi," he said with a kind smile.

         The mother just looked at him, expression blank. The girl, however, leaned forward to look at him. "Hello," she smiled back once she noticed his.

         "How's your night been going?" he asked them.

         "It's been better," the girl said. "It's cold, isn't it?"

         Ryan shrugged, "What's cold for me probably isn't the cold compared to you. But yeah, it is."

         The girl nodded, "I've gotten a little used to it. My mom's still in the process of becoming remotely used to it, though."

         "I live in L.A. and it's warm all the time, so here's like the North Pole to me," he joked lightly, making the girl smile.

         "In the summer it's nice," she told him.

         "But in the summer we weren't doing this," the mother finally spoke up, looking at her daughter.

         The girl looked down, shrugging slightly, "In the summer I has here all of the time."

         "I know," the mom looked at Ryan. "What do you want?" she asked curiously.

         "Nothing, ma'am," he reassured her. "I'm Ryan."

         The girl looked back up and stuck out her hand. "I'm Alicia," she said when he shook it.

         "Rachel," the mother told him after.

         "It's nice to meet you," he smiled at them, "have you eaten yet?"

         Alicia shook her head, "Not to sound like we're begging for anything or something, but we haven't eaten in a while."

         "Oh," Ryan looked down. Remembering he had his wallet, he took it out of his pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill, handing it to her. "I'm sure you'll be able to get food with this," he told her. "Just don't spend it on anything bad."

         Alicia quickly shook her head, refusing the money, "No, it's okay. That's not what I meant for it to sound like."

         Ryan continued to hold out the money, "I know, but I want to give you it."

         "It's fine, that's too much to ask for," she continued to shake her head.

         "Seriously. I make money somewhat easily. I'm sure it's a lot harder for you guys. Take it."

         "No, really, it's too much. Five would be fine."

         "Take it or I'll double the amount."

         Alicia laughed, "I'm not sure that's really something you should say to homeless people. Especially ones you've just met."

         "I can tell you're genuinely not asking for anything. You've made it loud and clear already," he smiled.

         She paused for a moment, before hesitantly taking it, "It's still way too much."

         "Good thing I didn't double it then, huh?"

         She smiled. "Thank you so much, Ryan. This is the nicest thing anybody has done for us," she moved forward and hugged him quickly.

         "Any time," he hugged her back, "you guys will make it. It'll get better, trust me. Maybe not in the next few days, or weeks, or months, or even years, but great things happen in time as cliche as that sounds. Have a good night." He smiled one last time before getting back up.

         Ryan saw Alicia hug her mom tightly through the corner of his eye, making him smile. He made his way back to the spot where he was standing, noticing Brendon standing there and smiling at him.

         "That was really nice of you to do," Brendon told him as he reached him.

         "It was the least I could do," he shrugged, slipping his hands into his jacket pocket. "So?" he asked about where he had gone.

         Brendon stuck up his arm with a pair of shoes. "Put these on. We're going skating."

         Ryan raised an eyebrow, "I don't skate."

         "Neither do I," he smiled widely, pulling him into the place.

         Ryan was taken aback by the huge crowd of people skating under a big white arch. The beat of a bass was being blasted loudly through speakers at the front of the rink, the music itself playing a little lower behind it. Brendon tugged Ryan towards the rink itself, sitting down on the ground. Ryan rolled his eyes as Brendon took off his shoes, pulling Ryan down almost instantly after.

         "We're doing this."

         "Fine," he didn't bother to put up an argument, knowing very well that Brendon would've found a way.

         "Great," he beamed. "These are yours," he slipped the skates on and tied them up, throwing his shoes to the side along with everybody else's.

         Ryan did the same as well, knowing Brendon was going to stare him down until he did so. They got up and stepped onto the rink, waiting for an opening along with other people. Brendon held onto Ryan's hand, probably so that he wouldn't be the only one going down if he fell. The crowd of people moved more into the rink as more people entered. Most people were just trying not to fall, others were actually skating around it. Brendon decided to take a chance and pulled Ryan with him, almost causing them to fall. Brendon just laughed and continued to move forward, "Sorry."

         Ryan only chuckled, following him around. They started slow, staying slow most of the time. The beginning duration of it was silent as they tried to stay focus on not falling. Although, that didn't really work out. Brendon had almost fallen trying to move away from a little boy, but Ryan had quickly pulled him closer before he could even fall backwards. Brendon pecked him quickly as a thank you before bringing his attention back to not falling.

         "I think you're worse than me," Ryan laughed as he caught Brendon for the second time.

         "Like you can do better," he looked down at his feet.

         "I  _am_ doing better, dingus," he tiled his chin up before holding his hand once more, "look up rather than down."

         Brendon looked into his eyes instead, "Am I going to bump into anybody?"

         "Nope. There's a turn again, though."

         "I'm placing all of my trust in you, Ry. I swear to God, if you do something," he smiled at him.

         "What will you do about it?" Ryan gave him a smug look.

         "I've got ideas," Brendon winked.

         "Well then, I might just have to..." he let go of his hands and lightly poked at him, Brendon almost falling again. "You really  _are_ bad," he laughed again as he caught him for the third time.

         Brendon pouted playfully, "You're mean."

         "I know. I've gotten awards on it before. I'm the world's meanest person," he rolled his eyes.

         "Well, I wouldn't say the  _world's,_ but most definitely the meanest person I know."

         "Thanks, Brendon. That really makes me feel better," Ryan laughed.

         "Any time," he smiled, grabbing onto his hands again. They slowly turned along with the rink, making sure neither of them would fall for real this time. "So. Touring. Are you used to it yet?"

         Ryan looked at the people in front of them, "Sort of. I like it. I'm just not used to the travelling part yet, but I'm getting there."

         "So you're cool with it?"

         "Yeah, I guess."

         "Great," the lights from the side of the rink hitting his eyes, seeming like there were little stars dancing in them, "'cause we've been thinking about doing another tour after this one."

         "Already?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "In the summer, yeah. We're still working everything out, but I'll keep you updated on it."

         "You better," he teased, "and don't let Spencer break it to me last minute."

         "But that seemed like the best way to do it last time. It worked out really well," Brendon joked along. He chuckled at a thought and looked up at him, "Aren't you glad you came with me? It would've been so  _boring,_ I would think."

         "At least I wouldn't have been cold," he laughed.

         "Hmm," he brought their hands up to his face, leaning into it, "it's not  _that_ cold."

         "It's pretty cold, I don't know about you," he shrugged, caressing his cheek with the back of his hand, "I'm really looking forward to that movie, though."

         "I know. Just wait until you find out we don't have any movies."

         "What do you mean we don't?" Ryan looked at him.

         "We just don't."

         "But you said you brought some."

         "I didn't."

         Ryan paused for a moment, the sound of skates coming to a stop and others continuing to go forward, "You're messing with me, aren't you."

         Brendon shook his head, giving him a silent  _no._  "Yes."

         "Which one do I believe?" he smiled.

         Shrugging, he pulled them over to the side of the rink. "Whichever one you want to," he winked.

         "Well," he pretended to pull a thoughtful look, "I really want that movie. So I'm going to go with you are."

         "Then we will see very soon," Brendon smiled, pecking his lips before sitting down on the side while pulling Ryan down with him.

 

         Brendon threw his coat jacket down into the closet, not bothering to hang it up. Ryan rolled his eyes and picked it up, hanging it along with his own. Out of the corner of his eye, Brendon threw off his blazer and undid his bow tie, throwing them carelessly on the chair by the window. "You're not in the mood to hang things up or put them away tonight, are you?" Ryan chuckled.

         "Too tired at the moment. I don't know how you're doing it."

         "Me neither," he took off his blazer and tossed it on the chair, as well, along with his tie.

         Opening the suitcase, he dug through for a pair of pyjamas, finding a shirt that could be used as one along with a pair of warmer pj pants. He threw them over his shoulder as he walked into the bathroom, unbuttoning his shit along the way. He turned on the tap and wet his toothbrush, shrugging out of the shirt and tossing it out of the room. As soon as he had gotten toothpaste on the brush and put it in his mouth, Brendon leaned at the door holding three DVD cases. "So you did bring them," Ryan mumbled through the toothbrush.

         "I guess you were right, then. We could watch one of them. Or we could watch all of them."

         Ryan read each title over, "I like how out of all the DVDs I have, you chose those ones."

         "Well, why not? I think they'll be cool. Plus I've got other ones in the bag, too. So, which one's it going to be?"

         "All of them," he spat it out, rinsing his mouth quickly.

         "I figured," he smiled, looking over the DVDs again before holding one up. "I like this one the most, so this one's first," Brendon walked out of the room.

         "Which one is it?" Ryan asked as he threw on the shirt and pants.

         " _Fresh Prince of Bel Air: Complete Season One."_

         "Sounds cool," Ryan smiled and walked out, sitting on the bed.

         "It's going to be lots of fun," Brendon decided to take his turn in the bathroom. "Don't you dare start it without me."

         "I won't," he rolled his eyes. His phone lightly vibrated on the stand as if right on time, Ryan picking it up.

 

 

 

> **Gabe:**   _You still awake??_

 

         He looked up for a moment, checking the time.

 

 

 

> It's only 12 man

 

         Almost instantly, he got a text back.

 

 

 

> _Right. How was it?????????_
> 
> It was nice.
> 
> We're about to watch Fresh Prince, though. I'll talk to you later?
> 
> _Np take all the time you need_
> 
> _Keep it safe_

 

         Ryan chuckled, rolling his eyes slightly as Brendon came back out, turning on the show and sitting in front of him.

 

 

 

> Yes mom. As safe as watching shows and movies can be.
> 
> _Don't do anything stupid. I love youuuuuuuu_
> 
> Me too. Sleep tight gabe
> 
> _Sweet dreams cupcake_

 

         Ryan locked the phone, placing it on the nightstand. He looked up to meet Brendon's eyes watching him, tired and happy. "What's up?" he spoke softly.

         "Nothing," Brendon replied, voice as smooth as butter. "Have I told you how nice you look yet today?"

         "Yes," he played with his fingers, "many times."

         "Well, you look really nice."

         "You do realize that it's not going to make me change my views on myself, right?"

         Brendon nodded. "I can't  _not_ try. But it has been working a little bit, don't lie."

         "Maybe. I can't really tell."

         He shrugged, "You really do, though."

         "Thank you," he looked down at their hands, not really sure on how else to respond to that.

         Brendon flipped their roles, now playing with Ryan's fingers instead. "Was today, uh, okay? I know it wasn't the greatest, but it wasn't bad, was it?"

         "What makes you say it wasn't the greatest?" Ryan asked curiously.

         "I don't know. Maybe it was the girl. Or the cold. Or me almost falling every ten seconds."

         "Well," he took Brendon's face in his free hand, "it was amazing. If anything, it was too much for me to have asked for. Also, catching you was fun."

         "Are you sure? I mean, it really didn't  _seem_ like anything special."

         "I'm one hundred percent sure. So, thank you."

         Brendon smiled, "You're welcome. I promise we'll do that more. It's just been really busy, as you already know."

         "That's fine with me. I can wait."

         He leaned in, brushing his lips softly against the mark on Ryan's neck, humming. "You could see it all night, by the way."

         "And you just tell me now?" he chuckled.

         "You couldn't really tell," he planted kisses against it, "I just liked seeing it, though."

         "Figures," he sighed, playing with Brendon's hair.

         Brendon then stopped, resting his head on his shoulder instead. Ryan listened to his steady breathing, quiet and relaxed. His fingers lightly twisted and moved his hair together, the now-messy dark brown strands falling softly back down as they escaped his touch.

         "This is a dumb show," Brendon spoke up softly. "I like it."

         Ryan chuckled quietly, picking up a few more strands to play with, "It's cool."

         "Not as cool as the weather," he moved so that his back was now resting against Ryan's chest.

         "The weather's cold, not cool."

         "Cold as fuck."

         "I like how you had to choose to tour at this time of the year."

         "Two tours in one year, my friend," he leaned his head back to look at him.

         "Still doesn't change the fact that it's cold."

         "Well, it's almost over. Like you said, eight more dates."

         Ryan nodded, figuring that time would, in fact, fly faster than he would think. That and the fact that he was watching the screen. He felt as Brendon picked up his hand and continued to play with his fingers, looking back at the TV.

         "I bet you ten dollars that I can stay awake longer," Brendon spoke aloud.

         "Are you sure you want to bet on that?" he raised an eyebrow.

         "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

         "Well, considering the fact you pretty much always fall asleep first."

         "Nah, that's just me pretending. In actuality, I'm awake until, like, 6."

         "I'd like to see you try."

         Brendon smirked, "It's on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. Thank you again for 400 hits!! Never since I'd first started this would I have thought that this would've gotten 1, let alone 400. Have an amazing week guys!! I'll be back next weekend less stressed and with my mind less cloudy since exams will be over then. Chapter 21 up next Sunday!!


	21. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story time with Ryan and Brendon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends, it's been way too long!! Sorry, I guess my assumption of not being busy was wrong, but here, now it's done and ready to go! I hope you guys like it.
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>  *****Quick trigger warning before you go any further*****  
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> It has mentions of wanting to and about to give up, life not working, and constantly feeling extremely down, but nothing graphic or too hard, but still, just in case. I want to make sure everybody's okay.

         "Thank you, L.A., for such a wonderful tour," Brendon shouted after the last song, "you guys are fuckin' awesome and we love you."

         The crowd of people all screamed back, making Ryan smile.

         "And a huge special thank you to this wonderful person over here who's played at every show this tour after quite a few years," he put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, who just shrugged back in response, still smiling.

         "Kiss him, kiss him!" a few girls at the front shouted, Brendon just shaking his head.

         "This isn't a Fall Out Boy concert," he joked. "Have a good night, guys!"

         Ryan began walking back off stage as Spencer threw an arm around him, everybody walking off in front of him.

         "That was fun," Kenneth said as they handed their things back to the crew.

         "I think we did a good job tonight," Spencer agreed.

         They all walked out the back, on their way to the tour buses. The moon was shining bright down upon everything and everyone, the noise of everybody from the concert still echoing.

         "You guys still up for the club or nah?" Kenny asked Brendon and Ryan.

         "Of course," Brendon confirmed, "it's been way too long since we've done something like this."

         "Cool, then," he smiled at them.

         "I'm kind of tired, but you guys can go ahead," Ryan lied.

         "I'll stay with you, then," Brendon changed his mind.

         He just shook his head in response, "It's fine. Just go."

         "Are you sure? Because I don't have to go."

         "I'm sure. I'll be at the hotel when you get back."

         Brendon paused, unsure of his decision. He then nodded hesitantly before replying with, "Fine. I'll be back in a few hours."

         "I'll be waiting," he smiled.

* * *

         Ryan had just finished watching some movie that was on one of the hotel's few channels before becoming bored. It was already 2:00 am and he was both tired yet fully awake, and he was quite unsure of what to do. He decided to keep the TV on and snuggle back up under the blanket, after all, the room was chilly and he wasn't in the mood to get up and turn up the heat. Apart from the light coming from the TV, the room was completely dark, and the only source of light coming into the room was from the city lights. Ryan hadn't even put on the door locks, as he was still waiting for Brendon to get back. The part of him that was tired wanted to go to sleep, but it really couldn't- he had already tried to plenty of times. The other part that was fully awake wanted to go get out and do things. Mind you, he wasn't sure what. It was either that, or it was worried. It jumped back and forth. The part that kept him awake made him wonder if Brendon was alright, if Spencer was alright, if Dallon and Kenneth were alright. It made him wonder if he was doing the right thing, if he had made the right choice on- in a sense- joining the band again. He refused to believe that, though. He didn't want anything to do with the band anymore. That's when he made the decision that he was never going to let that happen again, he would refuse to play anymore songs in the band. Of course, that wouldn't be easy, what with Kenny probably going to try his hardest to pull that stunt again. Then he went back to hoping that they were alright, before jumping to thoughts on the bar, which he had felt uneasy about for the past little while, and he wasn't exactly sure why. It was just something about it. It wasn't the people, no, he already knew that. It wasn't the possibility of fights, or it wasn't the thought of the next mornings or what could go on that night. Something about all that alcohol that made him feel apprehensive towards the whole idea of it. Mind you, he didn't mind one or two, but once it gets to four or more- especially when somebody has a whole bottle to themselves- that made him feel that way. That's why he never really wanted to go whenever the offer was brought up on tour. Which, for the record, has happened a few times. The sound of the keycard unlocking the door before swinging open had interrupted Ryan's thoughts before he could think of anything bad, thank God. Ryan looked at the clock, 2:30 am it read. The door closed lightly, all of the locks being put on before the sound of walking filled the room. Brendon's silhouette emerged in front of the TV before he turned it off. The sound of his jacket hitting the other bed as he moved closer. Ryan then felt as Brendon got under the blankets and threw an arm over him as he cuddled up against him. He felt as his warm breath, hinting with the scent of beer, caressed the back of his neck, Ryan moulding more into his shape. Brendon hummed slightly before taking in a small, calm breath.

         "Thanks for waiting," he breezily said with a smile.

         Ryan pulled up the blankets more, closing his eyes. "I didn't mean to," he breathed, "it just kind of happened."

         "Well then, thanks for waiting," he lightly tapped against his head.

         "So. How was it?"

         Brendon paused, thinking over his answer, "It was... Something. You probably wouldn't have liked going."

         "What do you mean?" he raised an eyebrow, forgetting that it was dark.

         "Well, it just didn't seem you."

         "And how may I seem?"

         Brendon huffed, trying to think even more, "Dunno. Just not into that stuff. Hey, listen, can we please not make me try to think? My head hurts."

         "Just wait until later," Ryan rolled his eyes, which Brendon couldn't see, before pecking whatever part of his face he could find first.

         "Mmm," he kissed him back, "don't remind me. Then again, nothing's worse than this thing I did on the Save Rock & Roll tour with the Fall Out Boy guys, though."

         "What is this 'thing'?" Ryan laughed lightly.

         "Drunk Fall Out Boy history thing. But shh. It's a secret."

         "Hey, I wasn't the one who couldn't keep a secret," he teased.

         Brendon frowned, "I didn't mean to."

         "I know," he smiled softly, "I'm just playing around."

         Apparently, he should have worded his words differently, because at that point Brendon had flipped Ryan on top of him, and started to kiss him. Ryan just laughed and pushed him back down slightly.

         "Please?" Brendon beseeched.

         "No, Bren."

         "But why not? You said you were just playing around, now I want to play around, too. It's only fair."

         "Because A)," Ryan nuzzled his nose against his, "you're, if not almost, drunk, and B) I'm tired." At that moment, as if to back up his second statement, he flopped back down onto his side.

         "Fine. But A) I'm not. B) I'm not," he argued back.

         "A) You are. B) You should be."

         "I will be when I'm entertained. A story would be nice."

         "The TV's available," Ryan rolled back over to face the window.

         "The TV's boring, there's nothing on. Tell me one."

         "But I'm tired."

         "Fine, suit yourself. I guess I'll just have to keep on talking until whenever I crash."

         "Cool with me."

         "Which won't be for another few hours."

         "Fine. Once there was a guy on tour with his friends and they had just finished their last show of that tour hours before and was scheduled to go to Australia to do a few gigs at a festival. The guy had tried to go to sleep many times, but ended up failing and instead waited for his partner and his friends to come back from a club, which happened after around 2 or 3 hours later. The partner finally came back and the guy was super tired, but the partner had been keeping the guy awake. It was then that the guy had hit him with his pillow to make him receive the hint and it worked. Everybody was happy. The end."

         "Beautiful. But not good enough."

         Ryan sighed and turned back over towards Brendon. His eyes noticed as Brendon gave him all of his attention, waiting for him to start. "Uh," he thought for a moment, "Once there was a man named... Leo. Leo's life was a complete mess-"

         "Why so depressing?" Brendon frowned.

         "Just wait, it's not even two sentences into the story and you're already questioning it. If you want your story, then this is your story."

         "Sorry. Go on."

         "Thanks. Leo's life was a complete mess. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, wasn't sure if he had made the right decisions. Leo hadn't done much for about three or four years. He had just started to pick up where he had left off, but not much was going into it just yet. All he knew was that he wanted it to be the best thing he had ever done. He was reaching the end of his young adult years, he was single, his friends and him were on and off at times, and he wasn't sure if life was even working for him. One day, Leo just wanted to give up. And he thought long and hard about it, he was even at the very edge of ending it. He had planned out the way to go, the way he would say goodbye. But Leo knew more than anything that he was better than that, something in him was saying that there was some reason why he shouldn't go, and God, did he hope it was right. So he didn't. He wanted to so very badly, but he didn't. Because that's not who Leo was. Still, Leo's life was messed up and he felt wretched, but he was trying to make it work. He decided to clear things up a bit in his mind, so he took a walk to his local cafe one morning. He found it nice. The birds were hanging about, the warm sun was glowing out onto all of the busy people, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He got to the place and ordered his usual; a coffee. He made a list of things to do that day, trying to keep his mind off of everything still. 'Can't rush it,' is what he said aloud after thinking about the list. Then, as if on cue, a person said, 'Rush what?' And so Leo looked at the person to put the familiar sounding voice to a familiar face, realizing it was somebody who was once his friend... Alvin. Alvin sat with Leo and they talked for a while about what was going on. Before Alvin left, he invited Leo to a special event that he was in town for the next night, giving him a special pass. Later that night and the next day, Leo was debating on whether or not he should go. It wasn't because of Alvin, to whom he didn't like, but because of another group of old friends, some he hadn't seen in many years. Finally, Leo forced himself to go. When he got there, he met with Alvin again and was reunited with even more old friends, Alex, Damien, and Adam. They all suggested to him that they should go and see the other old friends, but Leo was very unsure. Instead, Alex offered Leo to go on a walk, knowing very well that he wasn't feeling very up to seeing the people just yet. When they got back, Alex said everything was going to be alright, so Leo trusted him. After all, the last thing he wanted was for them to hate him. Just as Leo walked in, he bumped into one of the two old best friends, James. Leo was nervous, but then it all spiralled downwards when he found out that James hated his guts."

         Brendon's face dropped, knowing very well who this was about. What made him turn pale was how Leo was feeling. Still, Ryan continued on.

         "In attempt to stay calm, Leo went into the room beside the one James was in, but that also failed when he saw Robert- more like when Robert saw him. But that all went away when Robert seemed elated to see Leo again. Leo was also greeted with two new friendly faces by the names of Norman and Raymond. Anyways, a little while after things got awkward, Leo decided to leave. On the way out, Leo bumped into James, so he told him he was leaving. 'Yeah, leave. Seriously. Don't come back,' was what James said. And that really haunted Leo's mind for quite a while, even so sticking around in the back of his mind."

         "Ryan, I'm so s-"

         "Wait," he shook his head. "Let me continue. Leo's life started to get a bit better, but still, he wasn't right. He still felt very useless towards a lot of things, and knowing that James hated him added on top of his problems, but still, he marched on. Next came Leo's friend, Martin's, Halloween party. Martin had invited Leo, Alvin, Alex, Damien, Adam, Robert, Norman, Raymond, and James to the party, along with another very good old friend, Luke, and many, many more people. When the time came, James tried to talk to Leo, but Leo just pushed him away, knowing that people were only making him pretend to get along with him. So James stopped. Later that night, Robert and Luke threw them into one of Martin's rooms and closed the door behind them. Leo and James thought they had locked it. So they were forced to talk. They got along until James said something and Leo added to it and so on, the tension building up. Leo left, pissed, and he didn't see him again. Not until a dinner thing. Leo arrived, and then Robert, Luke, Norman, Raymond, and James did. Martin, Alvin, Alex, Damien, and Adam were already there. A little while later, Leo made a fool of himself and was extremely embarrassed when he called James amazing by accident. But then Martin told him that James was blushing, so Leo sort of took that as a good thing that he didn't exactly hate him anymore. Leo left later, but James went out to say goodbye. Which to James probably wasn't a huge deal, but to Leo, so many things went through his mind. He didn't want to say goodbye, not again. He didn't want James to leave him, and he didn't want to leave James again. Either way, it got him thinking again. Leo's life went back to being the mess that it was, problem after problem, thought after thought. Next time they all met was at Thanksgiving. That was at Robert's house. Leo waited until everybody got there, and went outside when he said hi to almost everybody. He watched the sky and the birds and everything, which made Leo feel dismal again. A little while later, James arrived and went inside to say hi to people. He later went back outside with Leo and they had this big discussion on birds and the clouds and how Leo wasn't a lonely cloud, but a bird who just fell behind and needed some time to catch up to its old group and stuff. After dinner, they all told stories, and then Leo felt like crap again, so he excused himself and went outside. James followed him, which lead to Leo storming out after a little talk and James following, and then Leo going to a pond, and James still following. When they got there, James told Leo why he hated him, and before Leo knew it, he had almost been told the biggest news he would be getting in the longest time ever. But it didn't. And he didn't know. That night, everybody left, and James felt a bit awkward, but he made sure to let Leo know again that he was the bird, not the cloud. The next time they all met again was at Christmas. Now they get along. And Leo is becoming a little bit better, but he doesn't know it. At night, ten o'clock, Leo meets James at another pond, this time because James felt the need to and other reasons I'm not going to get into detail with. Now this, this part changes Leo for the rest of his life. James' Christmas present to him is that he would tell him something, but didn't end up telling Leo until after. So while James was trying to tell him, Leo kissed him. And then James told him that he loved him. And Leo felt like the world had just stopped. He had never felt that good in a long, long time. Soon after, stuff happens, they keep it a secret and Martin finds out, James tells his wife that he's leaving and so he moves in with Leo, and everything's amazing for Leo. He was happy. They go out to get stuff, and Leo punched a guy in the face when the guy punched James. Soon after, everybody finds out over a picture. Then Leo has another best night of his life. And then a little while later, James takes Leo on tour with him. During the tour, they are interviewed by a guy who was a little rude. Halfway through the tour, James forces Leo onto a date with him, and everything works out. James makes sure on a daily basis to try and boost up Leo's confidence, although most of the time it doesn't work, but he still tries, and he makes sure to tell him how much he loves him at least once a day. And James is trying. Leo still feels like shit, but he's getting better all thanks to James. Now, it was the last day of the tour before heading to a music festival, and James and Leo are lying in a hotel bed together, keeping warm in the cold room, and restless James has forced tired Leo into a story, and so he tells him one. The exact same one I'm telling you. And Leo feels peaceful and happy, but also is questioning a lot of things. And James is giving Leo all of his attention, and Leo knows that he's in love. He knows that the little feeling inside of him was right, there was something to live for. And, well, the rest of the story is up to Leo and James to write."

         Brendon was now smiling slightly, pulling him closer. "I never want you to feel that way again." Just in that moment, Ryan was going to reply to it, but Brendon shook his head, "Don't you dare give me a 'no promises' type of answer, or so help me."

         Ryan just shrugged, "It's not me, it's Leo."

         "Well, James is demanding Leo to never feel that way again and he will not take no for an answer."

         He paused before replying. "Why not? Who said things aren't going to get worse?"

         " _Because_ Ryan, there should never be a point for somebody where it comes to giving up. And  _I_ said things aren't going to get worse, not as long as I'm around."

         "I know. But I just can't help it. I'm sorry," he genuinely said.

         "You're not going to go through this alone. I promise you on that. And I will never break that promise. Not when I'm dead or something like that happens, not now, not ever. I love you so very,  _very_ much." Brendon then pressed his lips softly against his, making sure that Ryan wouldn't respond to it.

         Ryan could slightly taste the alcohol, but didn't care. He felt as Brendon gently stroked the back of his head, playing with his hair. He returned the kiss back sloppily, as he was extremely tired, but neither he nor Brendon minded. They stayed like that for a few more moments before Brendon had pulled away, Ryan quickly letting his head fall against Brendon's arm, pretty much already passing out. "Don't leave me," Ryan choked out.

         "Never in my life will I."

         And that's all Ryan needed to hear before his mind let him fall into that deep sleep, letting go of all his worries and problems, and only focusing on the good things rather than the bad for the time being until he would wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it is a bit short compared to the last many chapters, sorry, but I hope it's okay nonetheless. Anyway, I hope it was to your liking and I'd really appreciate it if you left comments or stuff. Thank you and I'll hopefully see you all next Sunday with Chapter 22!!


	22. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I hope everybody had a nice week or two!! School's probably going to start slowing down for me either next week or the week after, so I'll probably be able to post things on schedule again then. Anyways, this is a short chapter, just a little something, seeing as I had to get something up and I really haven't had any time for anything lately. Sorry about that. But again, hopefully everything will be able to slow down and I'll have time to write longer and better chapters again in a couple of weeks. Thanks for your understanding!!  
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> *****UPDATE*****
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> I've started another story since this one will be at it's end in about 10 (more or less) chapters. You can check out the intro to [**Nothing Is Forbidden**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3457715/chapters/7586960) while you're waiting for Chapter 23!!

         "Welcome back losers," Gabe smiled as Brendon opened the door. "How was the tour?"

         "Long. Tiring. Fun. The usual. Miss us?" he closed the door behind him, Ryan watching from the couch.

         "No, I was extremely glad you were gone. I held, like, 18 parties here while you were gone. Please leave again."

         "We'll be gone again on April 8th until the middle of May and then one more gig in June before ending off with a whole tour other in the summer, don't you worry," Brendon rolled his eyes as they made their way over to sit down.

         "What's next, new music? A fashion line? A hair salon?"

         Brendon answered, "All three."

         "Plus an amusement park," Ryan added.

         "That last one I like."

         "That's why we're doing it," Brendon spoke. He said, "All of our life savings are being put into it."

         "Well, when you can't pay bills, I'll take you in," Gabe teased.

         "Actually, we were going to go live with Pete. We haven't told him yet, though."

         "Fine. Just don't come crying back to me when you find out Pete makes you do his laundry, and mow his lawn, and dress him, and cook for him and him only."

         Brendon laughed, "Oh, we know. $1326 per day. It's a  _lot._ "

         "Damn, can I come with you?"

         "You had your chance," Ryan shrugged.

         "You guys are so nice to me. Thanks."

         "You're welcome," Brendon smiled.

         "So, I'm guessing you're not just here to shower us with love," Ryan rolled his eyes, "what's up?"

         "Yeah yeah. I know you're probably tired. Forget that. We're doing stuff tonight. Also, you're all coming to my place in a week or two."

         Ryan sighed, "And how long have you been planning this exactly?"

         "Since you guys left. See? This is what happens when you guys leave me all by myself."

         "Well, where would we be going?" Brendon asked, "I'm not exactly up for partying, you see."

         "Don't worry, I figured. Dinner, since I guessed you guys wouldn't exactly want to make anything. Ordering pizza, watch movies, talk, I don't know, stuff like that."

         "Sleepover!" Brendon joked.

         "Where's your makeup?" Gabe added to it.

         "Bottom drawer in the bathroom. There's also a lot scattered out on the counter, too," Ryan said sarcastically.

         "It's mostly Ryan's. Sometimes he likes to make himself look pretty. Then he'll dress up. It's quite entertaining."

         "Yeah, it's even more entertaining when I do it to you," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         Gabe laughed, "Then let's make Brendon look pretty."

         "Ask and you shall receive," Brendon got up and made his way into their bedroom.

* * *

          Brendon was fast asleep--as usual--on Ryan's lap by the time the third movie ended. Ryan played with his hair absentmindedly as Gabe rested his head on his shoulder. The credits were rolling, yet neither of them felt up to putting in another movie. Gabe finally decided to break the almost-2-hour-long silence. "Wanna just watch a show or something? I'm too lazy to get up," he said.

         "The remote's all the way over there, though."

         Gabe let out an annoyed huff, "Who was stupid enough to leave it all the way over there?"

         "You."

         "Oh," Ryan chuckled quietly in response before Gabe continued, "guess I'm gonna have to go get it. Unless you still want to watch another movie?"

         "Check the bin for something," he shrugged.

         Gabe got up from the ground and walked towards the TV as Ryan just watched. He waited as he dug through the bin filled with movies, waiting for another choice. "Let's go with a classic."

         "Being?"

         "Pirates of the Caribbean," he put the disc in, then made his way back towards the two and sat back down again.

         The beginning played and they watched, but Gabe just didn't feel like dropping the conversation for another hour or two. "Seriously, though, how was the tour?"

         "I told you, it was good," Ryan shrugged.

         "Brendon's asleep, you know."

         He thought for a moment, "It was fine. I don't mind touring. I like it, actually."

         "But...?" Gabe continued.

         "But," he sighed, "I just don't like touring with  _them._ I mean, I like them all, but I just don't want anything to do with the band itself."

         "Yeah yeah, but  _why?"_

         "Leave the past where it is," Ryan decided to braid Brendon's hair instead, thinking. "It was a bad time," he shook his head, chuckling, "it still _is._  I just don't want to go in that deep again."

         He nodded, now looking at Ryan, "You won't. You're a strong guy, man, and I'm sure you'll get through it if you haven't already."

         "Thank you, but it's not about trying to get out of it. It's more like 'what would happen if I went in once more?'"

         "I know. I figured from what you said before. What I'm saying is that no matter what happens you'll find a way. We're all here to help you, you know, and we won't let you down."

         "I know," Ryan smiled slightly, "and I'm grateful for it. For everything. And I'm glad you're my friend because you've been nothing but good to me for all these years and I can't thank you enough for that."

         "A small, 'thank you Gabe, you're the best,' would cut it, whatever floats your boat," he smiled.

         "Alright," he cleared his throat, "thank you Gabe, you're the best!"

         "Great! Now once more, but this time into my phone's mic."

         "You wish," Ryan rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the TV. He undid then redid the braids in Brendon's hair multiple times, repeating whenever he ran out of hair to braid. The glow of the screen had lit up their faces in the darkness, just enough for Ryan to see what he was doing when he decided that feeling wasn't enough. They stayed silent for a few minutes, giving Ryan time to think. "Gabe?" he started. He said, "Do you think I made the right choice in sticking around?"

         "What do you mean?" he asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

         "With the guys and everybody. Do you? Be honest, please."

         "Well," he thought, "Personally, yes. I think you did. But if you want an honest opinion, I think that it really only matters on how  _you_ think of it. If you think it was the right choice, then it was most definitely the right choice. If you think it was the wrong choice, then no matter what other people may think, right choice or not, then it's the wrong choice. Like I said,  _I_ think it was right, but maybe you don't. I hope you don't think it wasn't, though, but I can't change that. It's your opinion after all."

         "I guess. I just can't help but get this feeling that there'll come a time when something may happen and maybe you'll all turn against me for one reason or another, stupid as that may sound."

         "Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But don't go thinking about that until it does, if it ever happens, because that's just going to make you feel bad, and we don't want that. Plus, I highly doubt that it will ever even come to that point."

         "Really?"

         "I mean, maybe for Brendon, yeah," he teased, "but not you."

         Ryan just laughed and rested his head on his shoulder, "I don't know. Lately it's just been those few thoughts running around in my head and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm just intruding or something? I mean, I've said this before, I know, but I've left before, so what if I leave again? Maybe then it'll be a longer time before they forgive me, or, or maybe I won't be friends with any of you anymore. At least last time we still talked every once in a while. What if it's different the next time? What if you hate me? The others I would understand except for maybe a few, but if you-"

         "Ryan, slow down," he laughed lightly, rubbing his shoulder, "nothing's going to happen between anybody, I can highly assure you. We're all going to be friends for a long time, and I don't think that you'd be the cause of it if we weren't. It'll probably be something like we've all gotten older or busier with families or work or something like that and we all just kind of drifted away."

         He thought it over for a moment, and closed his eyes, "Yeah. I guess that was kind of silly of me to be thinking. I'm sorry for bothering you with it."

         "There's nothing to be sorry for," Gabe smiled, "I don't blame you. To be honest with you, I used to think of dumb things sometimes. I've never told anybody about it though. But when I say dumb, I mean  _really_ dumb. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't go into a bad place, but I was probably borderlining it. I got through it because the more I realized that my bad thoughts would never happen or work, the more I felt a little better. Not much, but eventually it made me realize how great life is, how great my family and friends are, and how I have the best job in the world. It just made me feel like a better person, I guess, and I'm glad it did. So maybe whenever you think of those thoughts again, just tell yourself what I told you. You may feel better about yourself a little bit."

         Ryan decided to keep Gabe's advice in a special spot in his mind, one where he probably won't forget for a long time. "Thank you a bunch. That really means a lot to me."

         "Don't mention it," he shrugged his free shoulder, "it's just our small little secret."

         "Thanks for being my friend," he smiled, "that means the world to me. Seriously."

         "Well, thanks for being mine," Gabe smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's Chapter 22!! Again, thanks for always understanding. I've got great ideas ((at least to me)) for later future chapters so look forward to that!! I'll hopefully be able to make it up to you with the better and longer chapter next next weekend and I probably won't be putting up one this weekend since I have a report to do then. I'll see you guys on March 8th ((two Sundays from now)) with Chapter 23!!


	23. Let's Get Something Straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon sets somethings in place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hey welcome back!! I'd first like to start this off by saying a huge thank you for 500 hits!! This is amazing!! I really appreciate it, so thank you, thank you, thank you. Also, heads up, this chapter is a little all over the place but there are a few important things that have to do with the story line and that's why this chapter is here. Have no fear, though! Next chapter is planned out already and hopefully more organized than this one! I'm either already starting on it right now or have already finished it by the time you read this!! Thanks guys and have a good _x number_ of days until we next converse!!
> 
> P.S. I still have the new one, [**Nothing Is Forbidden**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3457715/chapters/7586960), that I have been working on, so if you wanna check it out, go ahead. I may get around to updating it again during March Break next week, so look out for that!

         "So, what's on today's agenda?" Ryan asked as Brendon played with their hands.

         "I've got stuff to take care of with Sarah. We're going to the court house in an hour or so to get everything sorted out."

         "I thought it was next Monday, though?"

         "Nope. It's the 10th, so today. Anyways, I've got to get moving."

         He hummed and nodded as he pulled the blankets up closer, "Have fun with that."

         "Thanks. She made the appointment quite a while ago but we've been so busy lately that she had to schedule it after the tour." Brendon chuckled lazily as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, "And we'll be busy until the end of summer. Maybe longer."

         Ryan his his face in his pillow and groaned, "I forgot how tiring touring could be."

         "Yeah yeah, quit your wining. Next year won't be as busy hopefully. The only thing we're planning on doing during the end of this year and the beginning of next year is creating our next album. I may need you to help with that."

         "No thanks, I'm good."

         "I wasn't asking if you wanted to or not."

         "Brendon," Ryan looked over at him.

         "Fine." He whispered, "Maybe a song or two."

         He was now sitting up, and smacked the back of Brendon's head lightly. Brendon laughed softly and quickly grabbed his hand, pulling it away as he closed the distance between their lips. He used his free hand too bring Ryan onto his lap as he deepened the kiss. He slowly began to brush his lips down his neck and stopped at his collarbone. Ryan smiled and pulled back, "What happened to 'getting moving'?"

         "I am. Here. With you," he smirked as he pushed him down.

* * *

         Ryan put the guitar down, happy with what he had come up with. He played the recording back to himself, listening to the two parts he had put together. Finally, he saved what he had been working on a few times to make sure that it was really saved before closing everything up. He turned off the lights as he walked out of the office, jumping at the sight of Brendon. "That sounded really good," Brendon smiled.

         "Thank you. How long have you been standing there?"

         "Ten minutes or so. I was just listening and didn't want to disturb you."

         "Is it 4 already?" Ryan crossed his arms.

         "No. It's almost 2. It ended early. Anyway, since I'm home earlier than expected, I thought we could do something."

         "Like?"

         Brendon thought for a moment before answering, "The pier maybe? We can spend the day there and then head out for dinner after."

         "Great, we'll do that then."

         "I'm ready when you are," he smiled.

         "Then I guess we're leaving."

 

         "Okay, okay," Ryan laughed as he pulled away from Brendon, "we've been under here for almost ten minutes now. How much longer are we going to spend  _under_  the boardwalk rather than over?"

         "The rest of the night," Brendon teased as he planted another kiss on Ryan's lips. "But seriously though, a few more minutes."

         "Fine, but I'm ignoring you for the water."

         "Maybe underneath the boardwalk wasn't the best choice then," he stuck his tongue out.

         "It was private, I'll give you that," he rubbed noses together, "I'm just surprised that nobody else was down here."

         "Don't even question it, man, just go with it," Brendon wrapped his hands around Ryan's waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

         Ryan leaned against the support beams as he hugged him back, "I guess I have no choice. So, how was it today?"

         "How was what? There were a few things we've done."

         "The thing with Sarah."

         "Ah, that. It went well, I think. I'm now an unmarried man so I guess that counts."

         Ryan tried to think of something to respond to that with. "Congratulations?" he didn't know how to reply to it.

         "Thanks. I'm not exactly sure how somebody is supposed to react to that, but I think in this situation it works."

         "I would hope because then I would have just made a bad mistake."

         "Thank God for that," Brendon looked up, "or else I would've had to punish you." Ryan raised an eyebrow and Brendon's eyes quickly widened. "No, no, not like that, I swear. You're a dirty person, man," he laughed embarrassedly.

         Ryan chuckled and kissed his forehead, "You're cute when you're embarrassed. I was going to say, your kinks are kind of weird, man, I wouldn't have been looking forward to whatever you would've planned. And in my defence, it sounds weird when one person says it to another, let alone one that they're dating."

         "Yeah, but you thought of it that way," Brendon cleared his throat and spoke softly, "and mine are  _not_  weird."

         "They're pretty weird," he smiled as he played with his hair.

         "Name one, I dare you."

         "Just one?"

         "Okay, don't say it."

         "You have a-"

         "No, I mean don't say it. I don't even want to know."

         Again, Ryan laughed and lowered his head down to his ear. "'A few more minutes' are up," he whispered.

         "Party popper," he pouted, but still nonetheless turned around and dragged Ryan behind him.

         They stepped through the many metres of sand before reaching the boardwalk. They looked around for something to do, but Brendon just gave up and spun back around. "We've done pretty much everything here," he swung their hands, "want to just go and get something to eat instead? It's getting late anyways."

         "Sure," he shrugged, "there're a few places about five minutes away by car."

         "Whatever you want," Brendon looked over, "right after we go onto this." He lead them down the pier more towards the small amusement park, stopping when a person tapped on their shoulders.

         "I didn't think I'd see you guys here," Pete grinned widely.

         "I don't think we would've thought we'd see you, either," Ryan told him truthfully.

         "Hey Meagan," Brendon smiled at Pete's company.

         "Hi Brendon. How's it going?" she smiled back.

         "It's going well, thanks. How's the baby?"

         "The baby's fine last time we checked. We're going to the doctor's next a week to see if it's still alright," Meagan placed a hand on her stomach.

         "That's always good to hear," he said. "I never got to congratulate you guys on it, I'm sorry."

         "No worries," Pete waved his hand, "I knew you've had a lot on your plate the past little while. Oh yeah, that reminds me, how're things going with Sarah?"

         Brendon shrugged as he slipped his hands into his pockets, "It's official now. It's been better, but I'm feeling pretty good right now."

         "That's always good to know at least. A lot of people can take it pretty badly."

         "Yeah, I just hope Sarah's doing alright. What about Bronx? How's he doing?"

         "The kid's good. We're taking him to Disneyland in a little while so I'm excited for that."

         "But really it's more for you, Pete," Meagan laughed.

         "Yeah, Pete," Brendon winked.

         "It's the truth, though," he laughed. "So really, what  _are_  you guys doing here? I'd imagine that you'd still be tired from touring, no?"

         "I could say the same for you," Ryan shrugged. "I mean, you guys are still doing a few shows right now, aren't you?"

         "Yeah, but ours isn't a whole tour. Anyways, you didn't answer my question."

         "I came back from the court house earlier than expected so I decided that we could go out tonight," Brendon told him.

         "Yeah, enjoy it while it lasts, because once you have kids it's harder to do stuff like this often," Pete smiled, "but it's worth it."

         "Who said anything about us having kids?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.

         "The future's full of things, my friends. Who knows, you may decided to adopt."

         "If we even stay together."

         "You better. My money's counting on it," Pete teased.

         "Who'd you bet against and how much?" Brendon chuckled.

         "Zack. $200. But in all fairness, he's thinking that it may be an on-and-off type of thing."

         Ryan shrugged. He never really thought much about having kids. They're still young, he thought, so there probably wouldn't be any little humans running around their place for a little while. Having kids kind of scared him a bit. If he, himself, was still in the process of getting better, then how good of a father would he be? This had got him thinking now, so he made a side note to talk to Brendon about it when the time came. While thinking, he had realized that he had missed part of the conversation, so he just picked up on what they were saying at that moment.

         "Have you guys gone on the Ferris wheel yet? It looks  _amazing_  tonight, not going to lie," Pete told them.

         "No, not yet. We were just heading there now, actually."

 "Have fun, then! Tell everybody we say hi," Pete smiled. "We'll see you at the dinner thing Gabe was talking about."

         "Of course. Take care you guys," Brendon smiled back.

         "Later, Ryan," Pete waved.

         "Bye," he nodded. "The Ferris wheel, huh?"

         "Yep. It's peaceful," they turned around and walked towards the park.

         They stood in line and watched the water as they waited. The wheel let off people and then brought on some more, which had gotten them to the front in no time. The workers shooed off another set of people before rushing Ryan and Brendon on and making sure everything was safe as can be. Then, before they had even realized it, they were up in the air. The sunset was more on the darker side by now, but still nonetheless beautiful. Ryan looked off into the water and breathed in a deep breath. The breeze from the ocean was light but cool, just perfect weather.

         "How are you?" Brendon asked as they went higher up.

         "I'm fine," Ryan looked over at him.

         "No, be serious. How're you doing?"

         He sighed, "Why is everybody asking me that lately?"

         "What do you mean?" he watched as Brendon squinted his eyebrows together.

         "Both you and Gabe have been asking me that same question. Why?"

         "I'm pretty sure it's because we care?" Brendon said confusedly.

         "But  _why?"_

         "Well, why wouldn't we be? We're your friends, Ry, and that means taking care of your happiness is a priority. Or, well, it  _should_ be."

         Ryan shrugged and looked back out at the sunset-coloured water. He didn't like these kinds of questions, but he knew that Brendon meant well so he would usually just go with it.

         "You didn't answer my question."

         He hesitated before replying, "I'm good. Really."

         "Are you sure?" Brendon gently turned his head around with the tips of his fingers and looked into his eyes.

         Ryan nodded. "Yes. I am sure. Thank you," he smiled slightly.

         "Well, as long as you feel that you are fine," he pecked his cheek, "then I guess I can live with that."

         "I'm pretty sure that you can."

         He rolled his eyes and rested his head on Ryan's shoulder, "You can tell me anything, though, alright?"

         "Of course. I haven't forgotten yet."

         "You better have not. Because I'm expecting that you talk to me when you're not okay."

         "And I will. I do. I'll call you if I even have to."

         "Thank you," he smiled.

         The lights from the wheel had turned on, illuminating the water with even more colour. They had watched as the sun slowly made the sea it's bed and the warm colours faded away, replaced by the dark colours of the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. Chapter 23 is complete. Thank you again for 500 hits, seriously. This is a big deal to me. Thank you. Chapter 24 up either Sunday or earlier!!


	24. Tonight, Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's by himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for 500 hits!! This is super wicked to me, so thank you all so much. I'm going to be updating this a lot this week, maybe like 3 or 4 chapters all together, so this story may be coming to an end in the next few weeks!! What will I do without this wow I've been working on this one since September. Anyways, thank you all for sticking around and letting me write lame things. For that I consider you all as my friends. Thank you.
> 
> Self promo alert: [**Nothing Is Forbidden**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3457715/chapters/7586960) is underway. I'm updating it whenever, so look out for that. I'll talk to you again after!!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ******MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING******
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter focuses on suicide and a lot of alcohol, so if you do not feel comfortable with it, I hope that you take this warning seriously so that nobody gets hurt. Thank you guys!!

         "Yeah, sorry Gabe. I'm not able to come to dinner tonight. Brendon's still on the four day tour and he's coming back tomorrow. I'm not exactly up for it. We'll have to do something else another time then, okay?"

         "No problem. Hey, before you go, I never got to ask. What'd you guys do for Brendon's birthday last week?"

         "He wanted to go to Disneyland so we did that. Then we had dinner at this one place that I forget the name of, but it was really nice. And then we watched a few movies and then we had, uh," he paused and chuckled embarrassedly.

         " _Oh._  That mistake at the end was almost as bad as just telling me," Gabe laughed through the phone.

         "I didn't mean to say it at all, sorry. Anyways, say hi to the guys for me."

         "Of course. If you need anything, just call me. Take care, man."

         "You too," he hung up.

         He put a lot of thought into whether he was going to go tonight or not, but he finally decided that he really wasn't up for it. In fact, he wasn't up for anything in the past few weeks and instead forced himself to for Brendon, and, well, now that he was gone for a few days, Ryan had locked himself indoors all day long. He would ignore calls most of the time unless they were from Brendon and occasionally Gabe. Of course, neither of them had any idea that Ryan had been feeling that way since he had been bottling it up for a while. The past few weeks had been really hard for him and he doesn't even know why. All he knows is that he's been feeling worse and worse as the days pass, and he's been feeling awfully scared without Brendon around. Tonight he had planned to take it easy and work on his music a little bit. After all, what harm can be done with that?

         "Fuck this, I can't take it anymore," he grabbed his jacket and his keys before walking out and making a quick little trip to his own local vice shop.

 

         Ryan looked up blankly at the ceiling of the dark room. The only source of light was coming from the window right above the couch, so he could see the sky very well. He lifted the bottle up to his lips, taking the last sip before dropping it on the ground beside the him. Breaking away from his gaze, he got up from the couch with little care as to where he we stepping--knocking the bottles over in the process--and made his way over to the fridge. The small light flickered on as he opened the door and grabbed another two beers before slamming the door shut and going back to his spot on the couch. He placed one of the bottles on the coffee table and opened the other one as he lay back down, taking another swig at the bottle. The cool substance flowed into his mouth and dribbled out of the corner as he changed levels. Ryan squinted at the ceiling and laughed slightly.

          _I shouldn't be doing this_ _,_ he thought. "But who the fuck cares about what I do," he spoke out loud. The sound of his own voice filled the room and made him laugh more. He took another sip or five before sighing. "I haven't felt like this in a while. I miss it," he tilted his head to the floor and looked at the bottles.  _God, Ryan, you're a mess. Brendon's going to kill you. Put the bottle down and stop,_ he thought again. "Brendon doesn't care. If he did, he would have noticed already. I mean, he's all the way in Virginia or some shit right now having the time of his life and what are you doing? You're lying on the damn couch having your own 'fun'."

          _Ryan, seriously, stop running your mouth before you hurt yourself._ "I feel like shit and I don't even know why," he took another sip, "that's why nobody cares. It's because you're too fucking idiotic to know what the Hell is going on with you. They figure that if I don't know, there's nothing for them to do about it. They're right, though. What the fuck can they do? I'll end up dragging them down with me."  _That's not true._

         "You haven't done anything in years. You keep putting stuff off. You have no fucking friends since all of them hate you. The only reason why Brendon's with you is because somebody forced him to,"  _Stop it,_ "if you were to leave, nobody would notice." Raising the bottle to his lips, he poured more in. "If you were to die, nobody would care. 'Good fucking riddance Ryan is gone,' they'd say,"  _Now you're just making it up._  He chuckled to himself, "I bet if you were to end it all right now, oh boy, everything would be back to normal and everybody would be happy. You'd be off of their backs and it would be the best thing you'd ever done for anybody."  _This isn't you, man. Stop right fucking now._ "And the pain would finally go away. You wouldn't be a failure anymore because of the success in putting an end to this damn feeling." He finished up the bottle and dropped it into the pile before grabbing the other one. The liquid flowed out  _fast_  and made him choke slightly. "I like this idea. Nobody will know about it. I can put the lock on the door and not even Brendon will know."

         Ryan looked around the room for anything, but nothing caught his eye. "How will I do this?" He lifted the bottle up and looked at it, "not that way. I  _refuse_ to go that way. That way is what got me into this mess in the first place. Anything else will be good enough." He thought for a moment before sitting up and taking another big swig of the beer before getting up and making his way into the bedroom. Everything was getting dizzy now, something he had forgotten about. He stopped for a moment to compose himself before continuing forward. He reached the bathroom and flicked on the lights, once more becoming dizzy--even more than before. He looked in the cupboards before looking in the medicine cabinets for anything that 'felt right.' He spotted a bottle of pills. "A classic," he thought and picked them up. "People say it's peaceful."  _Ryan, put them the fuck down. This isn't right at all. Suicide is **never** the answer. You've got people who care about you-_ "Shut up!" he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled on his hair. "I can't take this anymore! You  _can't_ stop me from doing it."

         He took a deep breath and made his way back out of the bathroom, shutting off the lights off behind him. Right before he exited the bedroom, he remembered about the paper he had taken from Brendon last year. "If I'm going to go, I might as well know what it says," he staggered over towards the bed and reached under for the box. He searched for the torn paper before closing the box back up, still leaving it on the bed. He walked out of the room and sat back on the couch, taking another gulp from the bottle. He held the paper up under the light of the sky, reading the word written on it.  _Mistake_ , it read. "Mistake..." he repeated. "How did it start? I made a... You made a... It wasn't.. No, wait,  _'It was a mistake.'"_ He thought it over. "That was around the time I came back. It was, what, the day or two after Brendon and I had gone to the pond for the first time?" he took another sip. "So he probably wrote it either that day or the day after if I remember the date on the page correctly. But what does it mean?" He sat there staring at the paper and the bottle and the pills, going back and forth between them all. "It was a mistake  _loving me?"_ he stared blankly. He shook his head and took another drink from the bottle, "I don't blame you. I wouldn't love me if I were you. I don't even love me as  _me._ "

         He placed the paper down on the coffee table and grabbed his phone, typing in the password and decided to call one last person. He was drunk, sure, but that didn't stop him from doing it. In fact, nothing could stop him from doing anything that night. As the phone rang, he looked at the clock.  **11:00 PM**  was what it read. The ringing stopped as they picked up on the third ring.

         "Hey Ry," Brendon spoke through the phone. "We're just heading to the airport now. What's up?"

         "Thank you," he said. Surprisingly he sounded quite normal, or at least that's what Ryan thought.

         "For what?"

         "Just thank you in general. I haven't told you that lately."

         "Well, you're welcome, but is there anything in particular?"

         "Sort of. Thanks for being there for me. And for trying to make me feel better no matter what. And for loving me when no one else would. Just a big thank you."

         "Ryan, is everything okay?" Brendon's voiced filled with worry, but Ryan just blanked out the tone in it.

         "Yes. Everything is fine."

         "Are you sure?"

         "Positive."

         He was silent, which made Ryan only guess what he was thinking. "Promise me you're alright."

         "I promise you."  _I will be soon enough,_ he thought.

         "Thank you. I'll see you later then, okay? I should be back by around 10, depending on when our plane arrives and we take off."

         "Okay."

         "Stay safe, babe," Brendon spoke softly through the phone. Ryan could sense a bit of hesitation in his voice, but it wasn't like he could've done anything about it even if Ryan  _did_ tell him.

         "I love you more than anything," he breathed in.

         "I love you, too, Ryan-" he hung up on him halfway through the sentence and threw his phone back onto the coffee table.

         He took one last sip from the bottle although it still had quite a bit in it. He opened up the pill bottle and poured a big pile of them into his hand. He placed the pill bottle down onto the table along with the other things but continued to hold his beer in his other hand. _You're making a huge mistake. Don't do it._  He tilted his head back slightly and raised the hand with the pills up towards his mouth slowly, making sure not to drop any. Ryan looked out the window and noticed the stars in the sky. And then he noticed the moon. He froze and stared, his eyes watering up. _Brendon._ Tears started to stream out of his eyes quick and lightly, trailing down his cheeks and onto his lap. "What am I doing?" he choked out. He tossed the pills onto the ground and then looked at his bottle. Anger grew inside of him slowly. The more he looked at the bottle of beer, the more rage had built up. He whipped the bottle across the room towards the front door. The bottle had made a loud  _crash_ sound, the more than half emptied liquor splashing all over the place as it made contact with the door.

         He brought his knees up to his head and buried his face into his arms. He sobbed hard, thinking about how close he had gotten. He had promised himself in the past that he wouldn't try, but he had. He almost ended his life, and that terrified him. If he hadn't left the curtains opened earlier, he would be awaiting his death any minute now, and that would have been the end of Ryan. No more music, no more updates, no more dinners with Gabe, movies and cuddling with Brendon, performing or going to concerts, no more  _anything._ All of it would have been gone in a matter of minutes. Ryan wept uncontrollably and could not stop. His body had finally had enough after hours of crying and ended up falling asleep in the dark nightmare of a room. Still, he could not escape what had just happened. Even his dreams were reminding him, so he ended up walking up and falling back asleep all through the night.

* * *

         The sun warmed up Ryan's skin and woke him up. He was still tired from the lack of sleep that night, and found himself drenched in his tears, which lead to his assumption that he had probably been crying nonstop in his number of sleeps that night. He was surprised with how long he had been bawling. He swung his legs off the side of the couch and groaned in pain, bringing his hands up to his head as if trying to stop the hurt the alcohol has caused the night before. He realized that the way he had slept last night had also hurt him, too, but that he just ignored. He kicked over the bottles and sighed heavily. And that's when he remembered. " _Shit,_ " he looked at the clock. **8:59 AM**. He looked around the room at all of the mess he had made the night before. Quickly, he scooped up as many bottles as he could and put them back into the box, doing this a few times. He opened the fridge and took out the last few bottles and emptied them out into the sink, not wanting Brendon to notice. He stuffed them in the box, too, before closing it back up and hiding it behind the garbage. He rushed back into the living room and picked up as many of the pills as he could find, and plopped them back into the bottle knowing that the floor was fine since he had cleaned it the day before the incident. Checking the clock, he rushed back into the bathroom and put them back into the medicine cabinet. **9:16 AM**. He scanned the room to make sure everything was cleaned before spotting the front door. He grabbed a broom and swept all of the shards up into the dust pan and emptied it into the garbage. He grabbed a cloth and cleaned up the sticky product around the area, trying to get every spot of it.  **9:28 AM**. Finally, after inspecting the room one last time, Ryan decided it was good enough for the time being until he could clean up again.

         He made his way into the bedroom to change out of his alcohol-and-tear-stained clothes. He grabbed whatever he saw first, not wanting to seem like anything else but natural. After taking one of his baseball t-shirts and pair of jeans, he went to the bathroom to shower and freshen up too. When he got out of the shower and looked into the mirror, he noticed how puffy his eyes were. " _Shit,_ " he said again. Ryan had walked back out of the room as the door started to unlock. His eyes met a stray pill, so he dove for it as the door opened in front of him and popped up fast, putting the pill into his pocket. Brendon stepped in not even half a step before almost bumping into him.

         "Hello?" Brendon smiled, raising an eyebrow.

         "Hi," Ryan looked at him, smiling slightly back.

         "Were you fine after you called?" he swung his suitcase to the side and closed the door. "You hung up awfully fast." _  
_

          _Dent,_ Ryan thought as he looked at the middle of it. "Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, I was fine. I am fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

         He looked puzzled at him, "Because you sounded like you weren't last night?"

         "Nope, I was perfectly okay. Were  _you_ alright? Maybe that's why you thought I wasn't. But yeah, I'm fine."

         "Well, um, yes, I was okay. But as long as you say you're fine..."

         "Then I guess we're all cool," Ryan smiled, pecking his lips softly. "I missed you."

         Brendon grinned, returning the kiss, "I missed you, too. Next time you're coming with us again, okay?"

         "Depends. I can survive a few days by myself."  _Barely._

         "We've got two on the 28th and 29th, then next month from the 1st to the 13th. After then we've got the big summer tour."

         "I'll come for the big tour. I can do that."

         "Great. I just don't want to leave you alone for long. You've only just started to get better, after all."

         "Yeah," he rubbed his arm, looking away.

         Brendon just watched him, but Ryan guessed he pushed it aside when he said, "Well, I'm going to make something to eat. I'm guessing you have already, considering your hair is still wet and that you've probably been awake for a while."

         "I have," he half lied. "I'll be in the office if you need me."

         He nodded and smiled as he made his way past him into the kitchen. Ryan quickly picked up the " _mistake_ " sheet from the table before heading to the office like he had said. _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there is Chapter 24!! Thank you all again for 500 hits. It really means a lot to me. I hope to see you all at the next chapter sometime in the next few days!! Thank you for taking the trigger warning seriously, though. The last thing I want is for anybody to get hurt because of something I had done, so that means a lot to me to. Chapter 25 up sometime this week!


	25. Well, I May Have Faked It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon's back and the incident won't leave Ryan alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody!! I'm popping out chapters as much as Kanye West talks about himself. Aka a lot. Anyways, I hope you guys liked the last chapter! Thank you for sticking around this far because it does mean a lot to me.
> 
> Once again, self promo alert: [**Nothing Is Forbidden**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3457715/chapters/7586960) is going to be updated sometime next week so look out for that as well!!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *****TRIGGER WARNING*****
> 
>  
> 
> Sort of the same warnings as last chapter's, but instead it's mentions of suicide, and alcohol. Thank you!!

         "Ryan?" Brendon called from the other room.

         He stopped strumming the guitar and took off his headphones. "Yeah?"

         "Come here for a sec."

         "Okay, hold up." He put them both down before exiting the room.

         "If you weren't okay you would tell me, right?"

         "Yeah..." He raised an eyebrow at him.

         "Would you really?"

         "Of course I would, man. You're the only one I  _would_ tell."

         Brendon paused and looked away. He looked up from the couch and into his eyes with a serious face. "Then why is there a box of beer behind the garbage bin?"

         Ryan froze and cleared his throat. "The guys came over last night."

         "But I thought you went to Gabe's for dinner with them."

         "Change of plans. I asked them to come over instead."

         Brendon nodded and stayed silent. "I called him already and asked if they did."

         "We've had that box for a while, man. There were only a few left."

         "Then where are they now?"

         "I dumped them out. There. Are you happy?"

         "Hmm," Brendon folded his arms, "there's a dent in the door."

         "So?" Ryan shrugged, annoyed with the whole accusation.

         " _So_   _why_ are there glass shards in it?"

         "Don't know, don't care. Can I get back to working now?"

         "Not yet. Your eyes were really puffy earlier. They still are a bit now."

         "I didn't get much sleep last night."

         "That's only half of the truth, I'm guessing. Why was that?"

         "Does it  _look_ like I know?"

         "Yeah, actually, it does."

         "Well, I don't." Ryan turned back towards the doorway before Brendon spoke up again.

         "They were too puffy to only be from lack of sleep. How much have you been crying?"

         "I haven't been." He stepped forward.

         " _Ryan,_   _I found pills,_ " he cried out.

         And he stopped. He hitched a breath and stayed still.

         "Why, Ryan? Why would you do it?" he spoke quietly now.

         He stayed silent and closed his eyes.

         "Ryan,  _why?"_

         " _Do_ _you think I fucking know why?!"_ He spun around fast. "Don't you think I would want to know why, Brendon? I wanted a way out from whatever the fuck this is, and I was  _so damn close to feeling at peace._  I was an inch away for crying out loud!" He started to tear up again, and Brendon got up, "I wanted to die, I had my heart set on it. That scares me, Brendon. I had it planned out. I read the paper I took from you that one time. I don't love me, either, by the way. You were the last person I was going to talk to, say, 'I love you,' to. I figured you all would be happy I was gone. After all, I just ruin everything. I mean,  _what the Hell is wrong with me?! Why do I feel like this? Why doesn't anybody love me?!"_

         Brendon wrapped his arms tight around him. He stroked the back of his head as Ryan wept into him. He began kissing him on every part of his face repeatedly. Ryan continued to sob as he let Brendon do so.

         "I made a promise to myself, Brendon," he spoke choppily through the tears. "I promised myself I wouldn't attempt it. I was only a second away from doing it. I don't know what to do. I'm useless. I shouldn't even be here right now."

         "Shh. It's okay now, you're okay. You're safe," he looked into his eyes.

         "I don't feel it."

         "I know, I know," Brendon wiped his tears away repeatedly. "I  _do_ love you, Ry, and I'm not just saying that. Everybody loves you whether you know it or not. Do you want to know what Pete told me on the day I saw you again after five years? He said to me, and I remember it very clearly, ' _Get used to it, Brendon, because the rest of us seem to love him._ ' I'm not even making that up, man. Gabe loves you, Spencer loves you, Jon loves you, even Dallon and Kenny. Your own friends, your family. Your  _fans._ And from now on, I'm never going to let you out of my sight. Not until you feel 100% like your old self again."

         "But that's the problem, Brendon. I don't remember what my 'old self' was like. What If I'm never that way again?"

         "You will be. I'm going to help you. I'm going to hide everything in this place that can trigger it, and if you ever need to use them then it's going to have to be under my supervision. Also, you're coming to the shows with me."

         "I don't want to."

         "Then I'm getting Gabe to stay with you."

         "No, that would be bothersome of me-"

         "I swear to God, Ryan, I will haul your ass with me wherever I go if you don't pick one or the other."

         "Fine," he sniffled, relaxing now. "Get Gabe to come over. I don't care."

         "If that's what you want, then I will be more than happy to. Now, get changed into something comfy. We're having a cuddle date in bed." He hugged him tightly once more before letting go.

         Ryan did so without protesting, knowing that he was A) extremely tired from the previous night's experience, and B) the moment he just had minutes ago. He got changed, and so did Brendon, and then climbed into bed. It was still early, but he had done it nonetheless. Brendon followed close behind him as he also climbed into bed. He pulled the blankets up over them both before he had wrapped his arms around once again and closed the distance between them. Ryan's breathing was slightly shaky, but more calm than before. Although he was taller, he still stuffed his face into Brendon's chest, and the blankets surrounded his head. Brendon gently stroked the back of his hair as he attempted to soothe him. It worked, however. With the help of the dimness of the lights, the faint hint of sunlight, and the quietness of the room, he managed to fall asleep peacefully in Brendon's arms. Dream after dream, they had always been just as dark as the last one, the same visual of him successfully committing. He had stirred a lot, all around the same time. He would whimper or cry again, but Brendon would continue to comfort him, even in Ryan's sleep. He would hug him closer and caress his cheek, whispering into his ear, "It's okay, Ry. I'm here, I'm here. You're okay. You're out of harm's way," or things like that. After a few repetitions of that--not in order--Ryan would start to relax again. This happened many time, but Brendon didn't mind. He made sure to stay up for Ryan, keep him company, and most importantly, keep him safe. Eventually, Ryan, having had enough of the sickening dream, woke up. He continued to stay in the same position, however, but he wasn't sure if Brendon was awake or not. Brendon had noticed the pattern of the dreams had stopped, so he spoke up quietly.

         "Ryan?"

         "Yes?" he whispered back, his eyes closed still.

         Brendon kissed his forehead. "How are you doing?" he asked.

         "Not good."

         "I know. It'll take some time, but you'll get there. I know you will."

         "Thank you. I hope so."

         "You will. So," he pressed their foreheads together, "are you hungry?"

         "Not really," he hugged him lightly.

         "Seriously?" Brendon raised an eyebrow.

         "Yes."

         "Well, I'm going to order pizza and I'm forcing you to eat it."

         "Go on, then."

         Brendon reached over behind them and grabbed his cellphone. He dialed a number, and after a few moments he began, "Hey, can I get a large pepperoni pizza please? Thank you... Yeah... Yep, it's Brendon from last time. It's cool that you can recognize voices..." he laughed. "Yeah, same address. Yep... Uh huh, no problem. Thank you! Bye," he hung up. "30 minutes or more and it's free," he winked. "Wanna make a bet that it's going to be on time?"

         "No thanks. I've made a bet against it one too many times and had to pay for the pizzas all those times."

         "This place is different, though. Remember the last few times we had gotten pizza?"

         "Yeah, why?"

         "It was the same place as those times.  _And_  I've gotten all of them free because they were late. Watch as I'm right," he grinned.

         "5 dollars says you're not," Ryan said.

         "A night together says I am," he closed the distance between their lips.

         "Loser. You're on," he finally smiled a genuine smile for the first time in days, which made Brendon smile back as he pressed his lips softly between Ryan's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's Chapter 25! Thank you so so so much again, this really means a lot to me. I hope you all have a nice week! I'll talk to you next week as usual ((or if you check out the link in the beginning note, I'll talk to you earlier)). Chapter 26 up next Sunday!


	26. Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now comes the struggle of keeping a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God hi hey hello I'm back guys!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been since like March since I've last updated this, but if you guys have been reading [**Nothing Is Forbidden**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3457715/chapters/7586960) then you already know that I've had _major_ Writer's Block and I wasn't really sure what to do for this chapter although I have one or two bigbig events coming up soon, so I'm SOOOO sorry that I haven't been updating this. I started this last week but had stopped since my friend had went to the APMAs and was updating me on her Brendon stories and what happened when she met him ((8+ times in three days!!!!)), so I kind of stopped and basked in the moment, otherwise it should've been up sooner, sorry. But don't worry, I hate it when people abandon stories halfway through so I'm not going to do that to **any** of mine. Whether I like it or not, how good or bad it may be, I will finish whatever story I work on just because of the soul fact that I hate it probably as much as a lot of you do. Also, big thank you for 650 hits!! That's a major point to hit, right? Especially since I haven't updated since March, I would think so. Anyways, I'll catch you guys after this little filler chapter!!

         Ryan watched as the sun came up, slowly and colourfully. He hugged onto Brendon as the dreadful dark disappeared and was replaced with the glowing light of a new day. He pulled up the blankets a little more and snuggled up, and almost dozed off a couple of time from lack of sleep that night. Brendon rubbed his eyes and grinned. "You're awake  _this_ early?" he asked.

         "Couldn't sleep," Ryan shrugged a shoulder.

         Brendon took his hand and lightly pecked it, "For how long?"

         "Don't know."

         "Then sleep."

         "No."

         "I'm right here," he rubbed his back.

         "I'm fine."

         "Should I believe you?"

         "No."

         Brendon sighed, "Sleep."

         Ryan sat up, watching Brendon as he did it. He raised his eyebrows at him, Brendon chuckling quietly. He pulled him back down and held him there. Ryan wiggled out of his grasp and sat up again, this time getting out of bed. "I'm not tired," he said.

         "C'mon, you  _must_ be."

         "Not really," although, truthfully, he was extremely tired.

         "Fine. But if later you complain about being tired while we're out, just know that I'm not going to listen to you."

         "Fine by me," Ryan walked into the closet. He picked out a quick outfit and threw it over his shoulder, "What do you have planned?"

         "It's a surprise!" Brendon teased as he got up too.

         "No, seriously."

         "I  _am_ serious," he randomly pulled out a shirt and jeans, kissing Ryan's cheek.

         Ryan sighed and walked out, going into the bathroom to shower and get ready. After a short while later, he came out and went into the living room, sitting on the couch. "The bathroom's yours," he told Brendon.

         "Thank you," he spun out of the kitchen, hurried through the living room, and twirled back into the bedroom.

         Ryan chuckled and picked up his phone, checking his messages and Instagram. Nothing overly exciting, but just something to pass the time. Soon enough Brendon came out and yanked him off of the couch. "Where's the fire?" Ryan asked as he was pulled to the door.

         "Just want to get things done before you really start to feel like crap," he threw on his shoes and opened the door.

         "How long exactly are we going to be?"

         "I have no idea. Maybe half the day?"

         He groaned, "Great."

         "It'll be cool, don't worry," was the last thing either of them said before shutting the door behind them.

* * *

         "So  _this_ is where we were going," Ryan sighed as they pulled up to their destination.

         "What, you don't like Gabe anymore?" he teased.

         "Not really," he joked back.

         "It's fine, you can avoid him today."

         "What does that mean?"

         "You'll see," Brendon smiled.

         They went up the steps and rang the doorbell. The door opened after a few moments, out popping Gabe. "Hey, c'mon in."

         "Who's there?" somebody called from the living room, along with the chatter of other people. Ryan rolled his eyes at the voice as they stepped in, instantly seeing all of their friends. "Brendon! Ryan!" Pete 's head poked out from behind Andy, "Long time no see."

         "You never call me anymore," Brendon faked a pout as they all made their way into the living room.

         "I know, I know. Things have been really fuckin' crazy for the both of us so I didn't want to bother you."

         "How considerate of you." All three of them took a seat. "How's everybody?"

         The room echoed with goods and greats and everything else of the sort.

         "Where's everybody else?"

         "The ladies are in the dining room and the kid's out back," Pete shrugged.

         "He's with you today?"

         "Yeah, for a little while."

         "I'm going to go say hi to everybody," Brendon got up.

         "I don't think that's a good idea," Spencer said.

         "Why not?" he crossed his arms.

         "Sarah's in there," Pete answered sheepishly.

         "Oh," Brendon paused. He threw a hand into the air, "Well, we're both adults. If we can't handle it we might as well be in high school."

         "Interesting way of putting it," Dallon said.

         Brendon nodded and walked out of the room. Ryan twiddled his thumbs and tried to listen to what Pete was muttering under his breath. All he caught were the words "stupid" and "Brendon," which Ryan jokingly agreed with.

         "So, Ryan, what's new with you?" Pete asked.

         "The usual, I guess," completely avoiding any and all things related to the event that had occurred the other day.

         "We missed you the other day; what happened?"

         "I wasn't feeling too well," he threw out a white lie after his plan of avoiding the subject had backfired.

         "Too bad, man. It was bumming without you."

         "Hey, I was there y'know," Joe elbowed him.

         "Yeah yeah, but you're no Ryan."

         "Hey," Gabe whispered to him, "do you mind if I ask you something later?"

         He sighed, "Depends. I guess not."

         "Cool. When we get a chance, follow me."

         Ryan nodded and listened to all of the other stories going on, Brendon coming back into the room.

         "Are you sure Bronx is in the back?" Brendon asked Pete.

         "What do you mean?" Pete looked up, concerned.

         "I went out back to say hi but he wasn't there."

         "What do you mean he wasn't there?" Pete now stood up, walking out of the room.

         "I looked around and I just couldn't find him. I even called for him," Brendon followed right behind.

         "Oh shit," Joe sighed.

         "Why would anybody leave a kid outside by themselves without anybody watching them?" Ryan asked.

         " _Pete_ was supposed to be watching him, but he was like, 'Oh, no, I leave him outside in my backyard ALL the time,' so we just left it at that," Jon sighed.

         "It's a bad time for an 'I told you so,'" Gabe shook his head. He nudged Ryan and got up from the seat, Ryan doing the same. "We're going to find Bronx. Be right back."

         They left the room and stepped out on the deck out back, watching Pete and Brendon search for the missing child. "What's up?" Ryan asked, leaning against the fence.

         "Are you alright?"

         "Yeah, why?" he kept his eyes on the two of them.

         "Brendon called yesterday asking if you came over the other night, and once I said no he asked if we went over instead."

         "And?"

         " _And_  why would that be?"

         "Don't know. He knew I was supposed to come over the other night. Why don't you ask him?"

         Gabe nodded slowly. "I will... I was just kinda hoping to hear it from you first."

         "Sorry I can't be of help; I would've liked to, though."

         "No problem," he sighed. "But you know you can tell me anything, right?"

         "Yeah, I know."

         Gabe leaned his back against the fence and crossed his arms. "So you're not going to tell me at all? Just like that?"

         "Nope."

         "You're stubborn, aren't you."

         "I get that a lot."

         He chuckled, but then stopped and gave Ryan a face.

         "What?"

         "You know what."

         Ryan just shrugged and continued to watch as Brendon climbed up a tree, sitting next to Bronx. "There he is," he pointed.

         " _Bronx, get down here this instant,"_ Pete said in the distance.

         Brendon stuck out his tongue at Pete and the child laughed, copying him. Ryan guessed Pete looked angry because the next thing he heard was Brendon. " _Your father looks pissed. We should get down."_

         " _No,"_ Bronx crossed his arms and pouted.

         " _C'mon, he's probably going to ground you or something."_

" _That's why I don't want to get down."_

         " _You better bet your ass it's more than something,"_ Pete threw his arms, " _come on, kid, get down."_

" _Don't make me carry you down this tree,"_ Brendon gave him a playful-yet-stern face, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms, which made Bronx laugh, and Ryan couldn't help but smile.

         "Kids are a pain," Gabe chuckled.

         "They're cute, though, you've gotta give them that."

         "Yeah, but I don't want to be dealing with  _that_ any time soon," Gabe pointed back behind him.

         Bronx cried out, laughing, as Brendon threw him over his shoulder and climbed down the tree. Pete looked relaxed now, and knelt down to his son's height, grabbing a hold of his arms, and said something that couldn't really be heard from where Ryan was at, but it was something that made Brendon chuckled. He hugged Bronx and then stood back up and lead him back to Gabe and Ryan.

         "That looked eventful," Gabe laughed as Pete and Bronx walked up the steps of the deck.

         "It was fun," Brendon winked at Ryan. Ryan shook his head and smiled in response.

         Pete and Bronx went inside, leaving the three of them alone. "So, do you want to tell me now?" Gabe asked.

         "Reply hazy. Try again later."

         "I hated those stupid things," he chuckled tiredly.

         "Tell you what?" Brendon asked.

         "Why you called asking if either Ryan came over or if we went over."

         "Well," Brendon looked over at Ryan. "Excuse us," he pulled Ryan to the side.

         "Don't tell him," Ryan whispered.

         "Why not?"

         "Because I don't want anybody to find out, and I don't want pity."

         "They're going to find out sooner or later, if not all of them then Gabe."

         "Then we'll just let them find out later. Better yet, we'll not let them find out at all."

         "What am I going to tell Gabe about him staying with you while I'm out on tour?"

         "Don't know, don't care. That's your own problem."

         "What do you mean by 'my own problem?'"

         "You're the one who doesn't want to leave me by myself."

         "You're the one who doesn't want to come with me."

         "We can easily fix this problem by just letting me stay by myself."

         "Not with what had happened the other night, I'm not. I gave you two choices: stay with Gabe; come with me. It's your decision."

         "I fuckin' hate you sometimes."

         "Right back at you," Brendon kissed the side of his cheek. They went back over to Gabe and Brendon shrugged his shoulders, "'Reply hazy. Try again later.'"

         "Not you too," Gabe rubbed his face with his hand.

         "I'll tell you when I'm able to," Brendon replied.

         "Which would be?"

         "When I let him tell you," Ryan rolled his eyes.

         "That's not going to be for another billion years, is it?"

         "You can dream," and Ryan went back inside. The two followed in behind him, but Gabe went into the dinning room, talking to one of the girls, asking them something. "Thank you," Ryan said as they were approaching the family room.

         "Anything for you," Brendon took his hand into his own and lightly pecked it.

* * *

         The two of them cuddled up into their bed and gently played around with their fingers. All was quiet, the window was opened and let in the beautiful scent of the damp rain, and the room was flooded black.

         "I don't want to stay with Gabe," Ryan broke the lovely sound of silence.

         "Then-"

         "I want to come with you."

         Brendon smiled and pecked his bottom lip, "I want you to come with me."

         "Just don't pull that fucking thing all over again. Keep a leash on that guy," he chuckled.

         "Kenny does what Kenny does best."

         "Just, please, promise me."

         He quickly replied with, "I promise."

         "That's good enough for me," Ryan pressed their foreheads together.

         "Nothing's good enough for you," he lightly said.

         "That's not true."

         "You're right, I'm good enough for you," he joked.

         Ryan chuckled, "Dingus."

         Brendon kissed him again, this time bringing Ryan closer, "I would say, 'I love you,' but love is an understatement for how I feel about you."

         "Is there even a word that's bigger than love in that sense?"

         "No, but if there were one, it still wouldn't be be close enough."

         "I more-than-love you."

         "I more-than-love you more."

         "Impossible."

         "Way possible."

         "Sleep," he poked him gently in the chest.

         "Not until you do first."

         "Does this call for another competition?"

         "$5 says I win," Brendon smiled.

         "Ten says I do."

         "You're on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all soso much for 650 hits. Without you guys, I might not have pushed myself to come back and try to write something, no matter how difficult or annoying it may be at times ((especially since this was so shitty, but you know, that's what fillers are for haha)). Thanks for sticking around with my horrible spelling/grammar typos ((or even genuine mistakes, but more so the grammar and not the spelling)), you guys are seriously the best. Thank you all again, and I'll hopefully catch you guys soon!! (Hopefully next Sunday to try and get our schedule back on track again.)


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